Monday, April 25, 2005
Here's to the Last Resort
I decided to try my luck at online dating, mainly because I don't have six grand for one of those ultra-realistic sex dolls. Oh, and because I yearn for human companionship blahblahblah.
I must have written a brilliant profile because several young ladies from Russia have fallen in love with me just from reading it. It's true, they really love me, each and every one of them. They wouldn't use me to get a travel visa and then mysteriously disappear, not these noble lasses.
Some of the profiles I read were priceless, they were so odd. One lady wrote, "No Ford drivers! I'm serious!!!" What kind of hick shit is that? Was her dad killed in a fiery Pinto crash back in '78? Also, it seems "Head Games" aren't desirable; none of the girls wanted them, whatever they may be. The most puzzling profile was for a woman who admitted up front she has herpes, but then added, "Physically fit men only. NO FATTIES!" Excuse me? You have herpes, you ignorant skank. Tell you what...I'll lose the extra weight when you lose the oozing open sores on your cootch.
I did have coffee with a woman I met online. She was almost my height, and I'm 6'6", but I'm almost certain she wasn't a man. We chatted a bit and seemed to have a good time, but I never heard from her again. I guess I shouldn't have worn that clown suit and talked about making curtains out of human flesh.


Blogger Heather said...

Online dating? Wear a condom...enough said. :)

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