Sunday, June 26, 2005
The Joys of the Non Sequitur
non sequitur: a statement that does not follow logically from what proceeded it.

I don't know what I'd do without the non sequitur. I've used this brilliant verbal weapon to remove myself from many a desperate situation. I also employ the non sequitur as a means to annoy and confuse stupid people. A non sequitur can't be too jokey. You don't want the victim to laugh; you want him to stand there with a look on his face like Cuba Gooding in "Radio."

Allow me to offer a few examples. The first quote is a person's comment, the second is my non sequitur.

"Todd, I think I'm in love with you."
"Why do you think Jesus Jones broke up.?"

"Damn it, why isn't this reset done?"
"Weighing in at well over three hundred-fifty pounds, William Howard Taft was our heaviest president."

"Let's discuss the components of infrastructure and the industrial location analysis."
"I'm not impressed by rainbows. I mean, so what?"

You get the idea. Embrace the awesome power of the non sequitur. Use it to perplex the morons in your own life.

If anyone ever tries to baffle you with a non sequitur, just reply with an "I agree" or "That's what I've heard," as if it all makes perfect sense to you.


17 Comments:

Blogger Brookelina said...

I'm thinking of changing the part in my hair.

Blogger katarina said...

I was never good that that. I try, but then I laugh. I find myself rather funny. Somebody has to.

Did you ever see a green daulphin?

Blogger Rob Danger said...

Haha, I'm totally with Katrina, I definately think I'm too funny to pull off straight-faced.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Brooke- I think your hair looks fine.

Katarina- green dolphins are all the rage at Sea World - San Diego.

Blogger Ruben said...

I'm always aggrivated to find new stretch marks! Lol

Blogger yournamehere said...

Okay, I'm not going to respond to any more non sequiturs. Once I tried responding to a non sequitur with one of my own, but the whole scene just broke down into a bad Abbot and Costello routine.

Blogger Evil Petting Zoo said...

holy shit...i use this tactic on a daily basis. i never knew it had a name.

I like to respond like:
'Only on every other Thursday'
'That's a definite maybe but I'll have to see if I have one in my trunk'

you say either of those and walk away quickly. the person is so stunned that they just sit there.

Blogger Rachel said...

That's what I've heard

Blogger n.v. said...

All my conversations are non sequiturs. Am I ever really listening to anyone?

Blogger Osbasso said...

Looks like rain.

My vibrator needs a trip to the carwash.

Blogger n.v. said...

I killed my dildo.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Well, Dena, sometimes you get the dildo, sometimes it gets you.

Andi, will you choose the hot wax option for your vibrator?

Only the best for Pinky.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Is Pinky the name of the vibrator or...

I don't name my parts. Except my boobs, and that was an accident.

Blogger Kristina said...

Speaking of Dolphins and Dildos...

The Starbucks trivia question today was, "What body of water can the rare pink dolphin be found?"

Answer: The Amazon

And with that, I'm out.

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