Friday, June 24, 2005
Sappy Childhood Memories
I think Modigili tagged me; I'm not sure, but I'll accept the challenge anyway.

5 Things I Miss About My Childhood

5. When you're a kid you don't have to work or pay taxes. I miss the beheyzeus out of that. The summers were pure gold. I'd sleep till noon, then my grandmother would fix my lunch. I can't believe I got away with that shit.

4. Until I was about nine, I was skinny with blonde hair and all the girls thought I was cute. It was cool - I kept my cooty shots up to date. Then one fall my mom had to take me to a special secluded area of Sears to try on "Husky" sized pants. Within a few years I was chunky and my hair had turned baby-shit brown. After that, my memory gets a little hazy, but if I concentrate I can make out a succession of girls telling me to get lost.

3. There was a beer depot in my neighborhood. For those lucky enough to have grown up in a respectable area, a beer depot is a bar, usually of the dive variety, that also features a walk-up liquor store. Most of the time scary guys with mullets and unironic trucker hats would gather around and debate which was more fun, incest or random molestation, and drink in front of the place, figuratively waving their collective cock at Kentucky's open container laws. We kids went there for Cokes in the little glass bottles. The beer depot kept their Cokes about three degrees away from freezing up. Getting caught in the middle of the occasional drunken brawl was a small price to pay for such deliciousness.

2. Sometimes it would snow and they'd cancel school for the day. I have yet to experience a joy that rivals not having to go to school when I thought I had to, and I'm not the only one who feels that way. I was talking to a longtime friend of mine shortly after the birth of his first child.

He: "When the baby was born it was the best feeling ever."
Me: "Better than when you were a kid and it snowed and you got to miss school?"
He: "Oh fuck no. Nothing beats that."

1. When I was a kid my grandparents were still around, and just as important, still healthy. My grandparents on my mom's side helped raise me while she toiled away at her job. It takes a village to raise a spoiled jackass and they were a big influence in my life. That explains my affinity for the musical stylings of Lawrence Welk and His Orchestra.

At the risk of being banned from blogdom I'm not going to tag anyone specifically because people get all bitchy about it. I urge anyone who wants to take this theme and run with it to do so.


I fuckin' love snow days. They're just as good when you're a teacher as when you're little. That's how my laptop got broken. I jumped out of bed in an orgasmic burst of jubilation when I didn't have to go to work.

Blogger n.v. said...

Um, how do people from the South (like the two of you bastids) get snow days?

You want snow days? Move to Canada!

Blogger yournamehere said...

Where I grew up, Louisville, Ky, is actually lower midwest, upper south. Indiana is on the other side of the river. We didn't get a massive amount of snow, which made the snow days even more precious.

Blogger MoDigli said...

I can agree with Andi ~ as the teacher, they are still just as sweet. Nothing beats that sweet little surprise.

BTW, thanks for not getting all bitchy cause I tagged you! :)

NC had more snow than TX. I think I had 6 total snow days in NC whereas I never had more than one of two in TX. It's a rarity, but all the more reason to get ex-cited!

Blogger Rachel said...

Lucky bastids, people up north don't get snow days. They just take it for granted that we're used to it, from hearty stock and can walk the 4 miles uphill in the snow to get to school.

I rarely experienced the rapture that is a "snow day". We did however get to build snow forts in the parking lots after the plows had come through. That was a close second.

Blogger Osbasso said...

Rachel's right--here in MT you're expected to be able to deal with it. I taught for 11 years, and not once did I ever get a snow day. I did, however, get a volcano week (seriously!), and one "cold" day when the governor declared a state of emergency (three days of highs up to -40 degrees!). But I was already home sick, so that one doesn't count!

Blogger Brookelina said...

Oh I was going to put snow days on mine too! See, another reason for me to move back to Jersey to teach - no snow days in Fort Lauderdale!

Blogger Rob Danger said...

Lawrence Welk, you flay me.
Snow-days really were the shit when you were a kid. The only down-side was thinking that the next day would be a snow-day because of some weather-forcast only to discover the dip-shit weather-man was wrong. Those mornings were the worst.
I definately remember going into Northern Exposure and my mother having to hide her shock at the fact I couldn't fit into the pants tha was apparently the right size for my age-range. That resulted in a few tears in the change-room, lemme tell you. "Husky" is the grossest word, ever. If I ever have a child, and if said child is ever full-figured, never-NEVER will that child be called "husky".

Blogger Jaxe said...

#2 was just plain perfection! LMFAO! I concur on every level!!!

Blogger Cincysundevil said...

Ice cold cokes in those great old glass bottles ... now that was a treat from childhood that I certainly miss today. I don't know how, but my old man always manages to find some machine shop or mechanic who always happens to have one of those old Coke vending machines with the bottles still. So much better in glass than in cans. Definitely a great childhood memory.

Blogger Heather said...

Saturday nights at my grandma's, no airconditioning, but we did have nutterbutters, cokes in a bottle and musical stylings of Lawrence Welk and His Orchestra.

Ahhh....the good ole days.

Blogger n.v. said...

Flesh, I picture you as really slim. Am I wrong?

Meat is hot on a guy, by the way. I personally am not partial to skinny boys.

Anonymous dan said...

Super-cold Cokes, seriously, are the best thing ever.

And when I was a kid in Colorado, school was cancelled constantly because of the snow. One year the blizzard was so bad, we build a sled track from our neighbor's house--FIVE HOUSES AWAY--all the way down the street, with a high-bank turn at the end into a big drift. That is the essence of bliss. Zoom.

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