Shovies

A guy I used to work with has a friend, Kevin, who's a midget. I know the PC term is "little person" but it's my blog and I'm using "midget". If a midget has his own blog he can use a derogatory term for tall people for all I care. Anyway, I was over at Kevin the midget's house once, and I learned the legend of the "shovie".

Apparently, ever since high school, Kevin has been given shovies, which consist of a woman grabbing him by the head and shoving (hence the name) his face into her boobage. This custom has followed Kevin around his entire teenage and adult life. He told me three hot chicks from where he works give him shovies almost every day. His wife, who is of average height, knows about the shovies and doesn't care. "He's a midget," she said. "Give him a fuckin' break."

What a perfect fringe benefit of being a midget! I can imagine Kevin in high school, all depressed and feeling like an outcast, when suddenly the head cheerleader introduces him to the twins. That has got to improve your outlook.
I always knew midgets had the circus to fall back on, but daily shovies is a foundation on which to build a dream.

Hey, I'm freakishly tall; how come short girls don't arbitrarily bury their faces into my crotch? I feel cheated.

Actually, I received a shovie when I worked at Organized Living. I was sitting down, of course, but the main component of a shovie is face in breastizes, not whether or not you're standing. I had just finished counting out this nineteen-year-old cashier when she said her goodbyes by almost smothering me to death with her massive jug-bitties. (I sense a future blog about this girl).

I'm not saying it would be worth midgetdom to get that treatment all the time, but as far as trans-mundane maladies go, it beats the hell out of being the Bearded Lady or Lobster Boy.