Friday, June 17, 2005
A guy I used to work with has a friend, Kevin, who's a midget. I know the PC term is "little person" but it's my blog and I'm using "midget". If a midget has his own blog he can use a derogatory term for tall people for all I care. Anyway, I was over at Kevin the midget's house once, and I learned the legend of the "shovie".

Apparently, ever since high school, Kevin has been given shovies, which consist of a woman grabbing him by the head and shoving (hence the name) his face into her boobage. This custom has followed Kevin around his entire teenage and adult life. He told me three hot chicks from where he works give him shovies almost every day. His wife, who is of average height, knows about the shovies and doesn't care. "He's a midget," she said. "Give him a fuckin' break."

What a perfect fringe benefit of being a midget! I can imagine Kevin in high school, all depressed and feeling like an outcast, when suddenly the head cheerleader introduces him to the twins. That has got to improve your outlook.
I always knew midgets had the circus to fall back on, but daily shovies is a foundation on which to build a dream.

Hey, I'm freakishly tall; how come short girls don't arbitrarily bury their faces into my crotch? I feel cheated.

Actually, I received a shovie when I worked at Organized Living. I was sitting down, of course, but the main component of a shovie is face in breastizes, not whether or not you're standing. I had just finished counting out this nineteen-year-old cashier when she said her goodbyes by almost smothering me to death with her massive jug-bitties. (I sense a future blog about this girl).

I'm not saying it would be worth midgetdom to get that treatment all the time, but as far as trans-mundane maladies go, it beats the hell out of being the Bearded Lady or Lobster Boy.


Blogger MsHellion said...

( . )( . ) Shovies!

Blogger lynze83 said...

How tall is freakishly tall?

Blogger yournamehere said...

I'm 6'6". That's not Guiness Book of World Records tall, but it's pretty damn tall.

Blogger Harley Quinn said...

Holy Moly! 6'6? If I gave you a shovie - you'd probably have back problems. I'm only 5'2... LOL

Blogger yournamehere said...

L.A., the next time you see a midget give him a shovie. You'll make his year.

Short girls with big tits are one of the only reasons I'm not an atheist, for they are walking testamonies to the power of God.

Blogger katarina said...

I'm a short girl with big tits. I've never given a shovie. I guess I always thought it would be inappropriate. Imagine that. I'll have to try it sometime.

Blogger MoDigli said...

I went to HS with a midget. He never got a shovie at my school. Maybe things have changed for him, though.

So, your midget friend has a regular sized wife? Wow. That's pretty amazing to me because so many women dream about a tall guy; and also have problems with dating anyone who is shorter than them.

Blogger ago-go said...

do people use you to do 'tall person things' like climb ladders and put posters on walls? because they've always done that to me, "ago-go is tall, she won't mind climbing the totally unstable ladder and taping butterflies to the ceiling..."

Blogger Cincysundevil said...

I'm a short guy but never get shovies ... (sigh) when am I going to meet a nice girl like that?

Blogger yournamehere said...

Mo: His wife is just one of those free spirit, "Who gives a shit" people.

ago-go: Strangers ask me to reach items on high shelves in stores I don't even work in.

Cincy: Short doesn't equal midget, my friend. You might want to fashion a pair of shoes that allow you to walk on your knees. Hello, Shovie City.

Blogger Brookelina said...

I'm short.

Blogger Ruben said...

My mom is afraid of little people. We attended a pro wrestling show once and it involved a tag team match where each team had a midget. We had front row seats that night and one little person got throw out of the ring and he rolled up onto her shins. She sprang out of the chair and bolted up the aisle infront of everyone. The only way she agreed to stay was that we moved up to the noze bleed section.

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