Yeah, I'm fresh out of ideas today, so here are a few thoughts I've recently jotted down.
- Instead of dieting, I'm getting a full-body tattoo of myself forty pounds lighter.
- I'm suing the creators of "The Jetsons" for promising me such a cool future. Fucking liars.
- I hear in some markets Rush Limbaugh gets beat in the ratings by two guys with speech impediments who talk about spot welding.
- Whatever happened to Candlebox? Pop culture left them far behind.
- You know what's overrated? Friendships.
- I remember when I had left a shred of human dignity. Those were the days.
- I'll bet John Kerry's spending his free time getting used to the term "historical footnote."
- If she didn't want me to sleep with her sister she should have told me so.
- I've been to Terre Haute, Indiana. Jealous?
- A few years ago I received an invitation to my high school reunion, but when I got there a bunch of masked thugs beat me within inches of my life. It may have been a random act of violence, it may have been payback for when I disfigured the prom queen. Who knows?
- If you really want to annoy a police officer, kill his partner.
- For his next stunt, daredevil Robbie Knievel will attempt to jump over the empty space where Dick Cheney's soul is supposed to be.
- I like big butts, but I have lied about it on occasion.
- Every state should have a celebrity governor. Except Mississippi. Fuck them.
- If a lady says she can't meet for drinks because she's donating bone marrow to the homeless, do you think she's telling the truth?
- If I did porn my screen name would be Otis Spunkflyer.
- A sentence you'll never hear: "I shan't inhabit the trailer home for a fortnight."
- Jesus Christ: Pacifist, or just plain chickenshit?
- I want to be the only caricaturist who draws people with tiny heads and gigantic bodies.
- My cousin calls it a "pre-emptive strike." The local authorities call it "statutory rape."
- Instead of dieting, I'm getting a full-body tattoo of myself forty pounds lighter.
- I'm suing the creators of "The Jetsons" for promising me such a cool future. Fucking liars.
- I hear in some markets Rush Limbaugh gets beat in the ratings by two guys with speech impediments who talk about spot welding.
- Whatever happened to Candlebox? Pop culture left them far behind.
- You know what's overrated? Friendships.
- I remember when I had left a shred of human dignity. Those were the days.
- I'll bet John Kerry's spending his free time getting used to the term "historical footnote."
- If she didn't want me to sleep with her sister she should have told me so.
- I've been to Terre Haute, Indiana. Jealous?
- A few years ago I received an invitation to my high school reunion, but when I got there a bunch of masked thugs beat me within inches of my life. It may have been a random act of violence, it may have been payback for when I disfigured the prom queen. Who knows?
- If you really want to annoy a police officer, kill his partner.
- For his next stunt, daredevil Robbie Knievel will attempt to jump over the empty space where Dick Cheney's soul is supposed to be.
- I like big butts, but I have lied about it on occasion.
- Every state should have a celebrity governor. Except Mississippi. Fuck them.
- If a lady says she can't meet for drinks because she's donating bone marrow to the homeless, do you think she's telling the truth?
- If I did porn my screen name would be Otis Spunkflyer.
- A sentence you'll never hear: "I shan't inhabit the trailer home for a fortnight."
- Jesus Christ: Pacifist, or just plain chickenshit?
- I want to be the only caricaturist who draws people with tiny heads and gigantic bodies.
- My cousin calls it a "pre-emptive strike." The local authorities call it "statutory rape."
10 Comments:
Otis, you're my hero.
Check this out:
B====D - - - -X
That's my best impersonation of your porn name.
Hark! Methinks there be something rotten in the state of Arkansas!
I'm going to have nightmares tonight....
I'm not sure if I can go out for beers with you...
Okay, so far three people vote "funny" while "disturbing" gets two votes.
they're all funny as hell...i'm just trying to separate the thoughts that actually crossed your mind and those that you randomly invently figuring they would creep people out.
I think it's disturbingly funny ... on second thought, it's just plain hilarious. Good stuff; I wanna find the markets where Rush is number 2 (yep, ironic isn't it?) and move there!
swoon
Lets go Terre Haute and get looped, Dawg!
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