Saturday, June 04, 2005
FAQ: Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Why did you name your blog "viva las vegASS"?
A: Well, I live in Las Vegas and since I'm extremely juvenile I wanted to use a swear word. My first choice, viva las vegCUNT, didn't flow very well.

Q: Who's the dumbest person in the history of earth?
A: For years I thought it was the inventor of New Coke, but now I'm convinced it's the guy who broke up with Ago-go.

Q: If you're so smart why do you work all day at a dead-end job and come home to do nothing but sit your lazy ass in front of a computer to write your worthless, offensive blog?
A: Leave me alone, mom.

Q: Do you have a girlfriend?
A: No. The women of Las Vegas have impossible standards. They all want a man who can "afford" things; someone who doesn't physically repulse them; someone who doesn't leave quotes from the film "Taxi Driver" on their answering machine at three in the morning. Picky bitches.

Q: Do you have a hobby?
A: Yeah, fucking your mother.

Q: Wasn't that last reply a bit harsh?
A: I'm sorry. How 'bout "Yes, making sweet gentle love to your mother"?

Q: You're going on a diet; how come only fat people are on diets?
A: The same reason only cancer patients are on chemo, you dumb fuck.

Q: Are there any viva las vegASS t-shirts?
A: They're available wherever white shirts and black markers are sold.

Q: I just wanted to ask you....BABA BOOEY BABA BOOEY HOWARD STERN'S PENIS!!!
A: Someone needs to screen these questions.

Q: How come there aren't any pictures on your blog? It would be more entertaining if there were.
A: I don't plan on adding pictures for your amusement, but if you give me your address I'll be happy to send you a shiny object to blankly stare at for hours.

Q: You seem obsessed with boobs, strip clubs, and Jessica Alba. How can you call yourself a liberal when all you do is objectify women?
A: Umm....Jessica Alba.

If you have any additional questions, go to takeyourfuckingquestionandshoveitupyourpeeholeyounoseycocksucker.blogspot.com


6 Comments:

Blogger Egan said...

Thanks for sharing your love for Jessica Alba. I think you said a couple other things, but this is all that stuck with me.

Blogger Osbasso said...

I concur with the "dumbest person" choice.

Blogger Steve Caratzas said...

"takeyourfuckingquestionandshoveitupyourpeeholeyounoseycocksucker.blogspot.com could not be found. Please check the name and try again."

And you live in Las Vegas why, exactly?

(I think Viva Las VegCUNT works wonderfully, by the way.)

Blogger Evil Petting Zoo said...

i think egan got the message..jessica alba.

Blogger ago-go said...

it's nice to know that there's someone who love jess as much as i do...and i feel safe because you're a boy so it's not really the same kind of competition.

do you want to make a date to go see 'The Fantastic Four'? 'the dumbest person in the history of the earth' asked me to go with him 2 days before he dumped me but obviously that's not going to happen since i'd now rather excise my own liver than be near him. no harm done though, he and his hand can go watch paris-fucking-hilton dry hump cars or whatever she is doing in that 'commercial'.

Blogger yournamehere said...

ago-go, it would be quite a dilema because is Jessica chose me over you I would probably question her reasoning to the point I wouldn't like her as much.

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