Recreational Lesbianism is the New Straight

I've used the line "recreational lesbianism is the new straight" as a comment on other people's blogs, and I'm so proud of my pithy saying I decided to talk about it at length.

Whenever I go to the Strip at night, I see a veritable pervert's ransom of recreational lesbians, otherwise hetero girls who enjoy going out, getting drunk, and getting down with other ladies just to drive guys insane. It works, too. They have a name for guys who say they don't enjoy watching two hot chicks go at it: Liar.

I first noticed this trend back in Louisville at a place called BAR. Female patrons were encouraged to dance on the bar and shake what the good lord gave 'em. The more socially advanced of them would inevitably kiss one another. The guys would get a show, the girls would have drinks bought for them all night, and the bar would stay crowded until last call. Everybody won.

Las Vegas does decadence bigger and better, so recreational lesbianism is as commonplace as a watered-down drink. My favorite personal experience was last year at MGM's Studio 54. We used to have a connection there; my brother's friend knew the head bartender, so we got in free, no waiting, to VIP. The bartender, Keith, would also pour the biggest, strongest drinks I've ever had and not charge for them. On the night in question I was on my second Big Gulp-sized bourbon and Coke, ninety-eight percent of which was bourbon, when a beautiful young lady accidentally bumped in to me. She was extremely nice and apologetic, which of course meant she was a tourist from the Midwest; they're the only nice people in town. She was with several other women of equal hotness, so I said in my drunken state, "I'll forgive you if you make out with one of your friends."

As soon as I said it I braced myself for the forthcoming slap or drink-in-face. Instead, she smiled and pulled a friend toward her. They tore at each other like it was recreational lesbian mating season. The girl's friend hadn't heard my comment and had no idea what was going on, but she was an enthusiastic participant. When they finished I thanked them and "bought" their entire party giant-sized drinks, which of course Keith poured for free. Once again, everybody won.

In closing, I'd like to thank all of the women in all of the bars who make recreational lesbianism such an enjoyable trend. I'd also like to thank Bill Clinton, who made it acceptable for a male Democrat to openly enjoy this sort of thing.