Friday, July 01, 2005
WHY?
Why do all fashion designers dress abysmally? Every fashion designer I've ever seen dresses like Cap'n Crunch's brain damaged, color blind cousin. Society should not be told how to dress by these cartoon characters.

Why do people with religion-themed bumper stickers on their car drive so poorly? I guess they're in a hurry to die and receive their heavenly reward, but the rest of us are trying to avoid hell for as long as possible; so please, pick a lane.

Why do guys with body odor insist upon wearing tank tops? Can't I have at least a thin layer of cotton t-shirt between my nose and their tidal waves of olfactory Parliament Funkadelic?

Why do gourd-bellied women insist upon wearing baby doll t's? I cover my big stomach and expect the same courtesy from the ladies. If you're shaped like a bag of potatoes, go to the local tent and awning store and cover that shit up.

Why does Jay "Lame-ass Scrote" Leno get better ratings than David Letterman? How is this possible? When did everyone in America become an old lady from Kansas? "C'mere, hon. Jay's wearin' a funny hat." I think every time Leno tells a shitty joke his chin grows.

Why is naked, blatant arrogance considered an attribute? The loud douchebag isn't confident, he's arrogant. Confidence is quiet; arrogance is a braying ass. Society heaps huge rewards upon people who, in a just world, would be publicly flogged.

Why do grown women still fall for "bad boys"? I hope your femme-nuts are still all aflame after he pushes you down a flight of stairs.

Why do grown men let themselves be used just to get sex? A friend of mine just started dating a girl he met at a car wash (JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!). She has two kids, no car, and no job. Her unemployed teenage sister also lives with her. My friend spends his free time hauling all of those people around in a Honda Civic. He pays for everything; a trip to Starbucks costs him thirty bucks. He says he thinks he's being used, but he likes the sex. I guess I don't like sex as much as he does, because I would have gone Luda on her ass and put the bitch on foot patrol.





18 Comments:

The mantra of all fashion designers is apparently, "Do what I say, not as I do."

Blogger R2K said...

:) Aint that the truth andi.

Typical center of the universe complex.

Blogger katarina said...

Amen! Ladies, cover it up. I am a curvy woman and everything I have is covered in layers. I don't even show my cleavage! I hate to see these teenage girls who wear those hip-hugger jeans and short shirts. Some look okay, but most have this...roll of some sort that folds down and devours the waist line and belt. Here's a clue: If you put the jeans on and push on the fatroll and it jiggles, you need to wear a bigger shirt.
And I don't need to see the shirts that are so tight that I can see back-fat. Don't be ashamed to buy the next size up! Cut the tag out, if you must, but please be considerate.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Kat, you don't show cleavage? I'm sorry, that's just taking it too far.

Blogger Kikhwa said...

This line has me hyperventilating:
"I would have gone Luda on her ass and put the bitch on foot patrol."

LOL

Blogger Cincysundevil said...

Now cleavage is fine but not everyone needs to be wearing half-shirts. Let's face it, no one wants to see Rosanne Barr in a 1/2 shirt, so if you're not sporting a flat tummy, cover it up!

Amen to the bumper-sticker idiots! I always get stuck behind the mini-van with the family that has like 4 walking-talking excuses for why tigers eat their young strapped into the backseats. Incidentally, there are the same people with the W sticker.

Blogger Steve Caratzas said...

Regarding b.o. and tank tops, George Carlin once addressed this very issue, proclaiming that these creeps "smell like an anchovy's cunt."

Blogger Brookelina said...

Not all bad boys are violent. Some just go after your girlfriends and leave town without telling you.

Blogger Kristina said...

Speaking of bumper stickers; get a load of this!!

http://livinginaworld.blogspot.com/2005/06/what-kind-of-shit-is-that.html

Blogger MoDigli said...

I love "gourd-bellied" ... hahha!!! toooo funny, and sadly, too too true!!! I'm sure you get the worst of it in that vegas heat. Some ppl think just cause it's hot, it's okay to show all their stuff.

Blogger katarina said...

I just feel too naked when my boobs are hanging out, imagine that...
Believe me, no one would look at my cleavage when most the women around me are half naked.

Blogger bikipatra said...

ALl fashion designers except Tom Ford are grotesquely ugly too.

Blogger n.v. said...

Todderlingus: did you take 'femme-nuts' from me?

Go with God.

Blogger n.v. said...

Saw a chick trolling the mall wearing one of those short ruffled minis pulled down around her hips. And over the waistband were two doughy fat rolls hanging over each side -- not cute chubby flesh that was firm yet slightly yielding..but lardy, pimpled flesh that wobbled. Ugh. Sick bitch. I couldn't keep from giving her a dirty look.

Blogger n.v. said...

Kat, I can't help but show cleavage 'cause my boobage is up to my collarbone most days...but believe me, men look at my boobs even when faced with the half-naked flesh of a young whore-child. Don't be ashamed; flaunt it.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Denawena, I mentioned femme nuts in response to your talking about your pulsating ovaries. If you doubt me look in your archives.

But you shouldn't doubt me.

What is the "secret order" of your blog list? I hope it's not "People I want to kill." If anything happens to Andi, Egan, and the person in the third spot, I'm going on the lam.

Blogger ago-go said...

the low-rise pants are just dangerous! there's a point when they are so low that they even give stick-girls rolls! when you can see the 'V' or you need to wax to wear your jeans, you've gone too far no matter how thin you are.

Blogger AMS said...

Love handles need to be kept under wraps - low rise jeans should not be sold to anyone that has em - its eeevil

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