Wednesday, April 07, 2010
Corporations suck
Our small 6-store chain of liquor stores was recently purchased by a large Canadian conglomerate that owns several stores in Canada and Alaska. Our stores are their first venture into the continental United States. Hooray. Lucky fucking us.

Since this is the second time I've worked somewhere that has changed ownership, I can say this without hesitation: When a small company is purchased by a larger company, the employees are about to be fucked straight up the pooper, be it by greed or gross incompetence or a deadly combination of both.

Both times we, as employees, were told the new company has "deep pockets". I assure you those "deep pockets" NEVER result in more money for anyone other than upper upper management and stockholders. Do you honestly think a corporation will give you a shiny penny if it doesn't have to?

To put it bluntly, corporations don't care about you, your loved ones, your health, your happiness, or your miserable fucking existence. The only thing they care about is squeezing as much work out of you as possible while paying you as little as they can. And they will never, ever be satisfied. Ever. If you work seventy hours FOR FREE someone will complain that you aren't working eighty hours. And the guy complaining will be a dull, dim-witted, fake asshole in a 37-piece suit who makes more in a month than you make in a year.

When I worked at Organized Living the first thing new management did was change our dress code to make us all look like complete fucking tools. It wasn't enough to leave work at the end of the day poor, exhausted, and frustrated. They wanted us to leave WITHOUT A SHRED OF HUMAN DIGNITY. Mission accomplished, fuckers. Want to go to an Organized Living and laugh at the poor bastards and their insipid clown outfits? Too bad, because Organized Living was driven to bankruptcy by greed and gross incompetence, less than a year after it was taken over by clueless shits.

At the liquor store we had a modest dress code based on common sense: no open-toed shoes due to safety reasons, no nut-hugging short shorts, no t-shirts that read "Cum Dumpster", etc. The new company is making us all dress alike, just like employees dressed alike at Circuit City and Linens n Things and Sharper Image and all of the other soulless corporate cesspools that have gone out of business recently. Yes, I know they have uniforms at successful retails chains, but this isn't Target; it's a god damn liquor store. We sell alcohol to people who can't function without it. They aren't going to notice our matching polos! This policy was put into place so some overpaid, underworked, worthless piece of corporate garbage could justify his outrageous salary.

We are no longer allowed to wear shorts, no matter how hot and humid it gets this summer. This won't affect those of us up front, in the air conditioning. But I used to work upstairs in the warehouse. I know how hot it gets up there. So now, because of a random decision by some nancy-boy who has never lifted a heavy case of liquor in his life and lives in a place where the temperature never rises above seventy, our warehouse guys have to be poor and exhausted and FUCKING MISERABLE every day. For no reason. For no reason other than to satisfy the whim of a man who has never known a day of physical labor. The company won't make one extra cent because our warehouse guys are wearing jeans in ninety-five degree heat.

Oh, speaking of unconscionable stupidity, we are never notified of price changes. REPEAT: WE DON'T KNOW OF A PRICE CHANGE UNTIL IT RINGS UP AT A REGISTER AND A CUSTOMER (almost always a grumpy old man) YELLS AT US FOR TRYING TO STEAL FROM HIM! Nothing makes me happier than being yelled at by a bitter, quasi-senile skinflint over twenty cocksucking cents. Will this change in the foreseeable future? Fuck no. Why should it? What do the corporate vipers care? They're being fawned over by a gaggle of boot-licking toadies and sniveling yes-men. No problem there.

I really appreciate and envy people who work for small, independent businesses; or those who start their own business. They don't have to play the pointless corporate games. I know every job is kind of a hassle in its own way, but it would be nice to work for someone who didn't intentionally make it worse.


That sucks bro. I couldn't stand working for a large company, so had to do my own thing. Move back to Vegas and come work with me.

Blogger Alison said...

Our neighborhood liquor store, while not one of the six, still falls under the umbrella of that Canadian conglomerate. And things, they are a-changin' there. First, a lot of the cool people who worked there have quit. Second, there are no more free papers at the entrance, and the end caps are smaller. They took down the faux vines that hung over the registers (really unobtrusive stuff that took me three years to notice). I haven't noticed that the employees are wearing the same shirts now, but next time I go I'll have a look.

Sigh. I hate faceless corporations. It really takes little for employee morale (things like being able to wear shorts in the stock room go a long way), and yet they manage to suck any shred of dignity out of it.

So sorry you have to deal with that. If my (independent!) bookstore was hiring, I'd suggest you for the job. But you'd have to move to Lexington. ;-)

Blogger bbstirrd said...

(Amie here, logged in under Ben's id) GET OUT OF THERE! Easier said than done, I know. Even slinging packages (ew that sounds gross) at UPS would be better.

I worked at a outdoor beer and hot dog place that had a dumbass no shorts rule. Of course, they didn't have a no skirts rule. So I made a bunch of skirts and kilts for my dude friends that worked there. Awesome.

Blogger Laura said...

To put it bluntly, corporations don't care about you, your loved ones, your health, your happiness, or your miserable fucking existence.

This should be on billboards.

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

When I worked in the warehouse at Target, I had to wear the same polo shirt and slacks as everyone else. Real helpful shit when you're climbing up and down ladders. At least once a day, my slacks (which were not baggy) would get caught on the ladder. Oh, and we weren't supposed to help anyone on the floor, which of course every time you walked on you got mobbed.

God forbid anyone show leg! I feel so bad for you, Todd.

Also, you had to wear an official name tag at all times. If you lost yours, YOU HAD TO WEAR SOMEONE ELSE'S. I once got in trouble for drawing one when I lost mine (during a workplace accident caused by negligence, no less). I thought it was funny. My smug 22-year-old boss said, "I appreciate your creativity, BUT..."

Corporate logic, man. Corporate logic.

Blogger Vache Folle said...

Job satisfaction is theft.

Blogger Übermilf said...

This post makes me want to riot in the streets.

Blogger Übermilf said...

I know you don't like LOLcats, but how do you feel about this?

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

Put on a pair of jeans, go up to the warehouse, run around until you pass out, and sue them for everything they've got.

Welcome to America, bitches!

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