Corporations suck

Our small 6-store chain of liquor stores was recently purchased by a large Canadian conglomerate that owns several stores in Canada and Alaska. Our stores are their first venture into the continental United States. Hooray. Lucky fucking us.

Since this is the second time I've worked somewhere that has changed ownership, I can say this without hesitation: When a small company is purchased by a larger company, the employees are about to be fucked straight up the pooper, be it by greed or gross incompetence or a deadly combination of both.

Both times we, as employees, were told the new company has "deep pockets". I assure you those "deep pockets" NEVER result in more money for anyone other than upper upper management and stockholders. Do you honestly think a corporation will give you a shiny penny if it doesn't have to?

To put it bluntly, corporations don't care about you, your loved ones, your health, your happiness, or your miserable fucking existence. The only thing they care about is squeezing as much work out of you as possible while paying you as little as they can. And they will never, ever be satisfied. Ever. If you work seventy hours FOR FREE someone will complain that you aren't working eighty hours. And the guy complaining will be a dull, dim-witted, fake asshole in a 37-piece suit who makes more in a month than you make in a year.

When I worked at Organized Living the first thing new management did was change our dress code to make us all look like complete fucking tools. It wasn't enough to leave work at the end of the day poor, exhausted, and frustrated. They wanted us to leave WITHOUT A SHRED OF HUMAN DIGNITY. Mission accomplished, fuckers. Want to go to an Organized Living and laugh at the poor bastards and their insipid clown outfits? Too bad, because Organized Living was driven to bankruptcy by greed and gross incompetence, less than a year after it was taken over by clueless shits.

At the liquor store we had a modest dress code based on common sense: no open-toed shoes due to safety reasons, no nut-hugging short shorts, no t-shirts that read "Cum Dumpster", etc. The new company is making us all dress alike, just like employees dressed alike at Circuit City and Linens n Things and Sharper Image and all of the other soulless corporate cesspools that have gone out of business recently. Yes, I know they have uniforms at successful retails chains, but this isn't Target; it's a god damn liquor store. We sell alcohol to people who can't function without it. They aren't going to notice our matching polos! This policy was put into place so some overpaid, underworked, worthless piece of corporate garbage could justify his outrageous salary.

We are no longer allowed to wear shorts, no matter how hot and humid it gets this summer. This won't affect those of us up front, in the air conditioning. But I used to work upstairs in the warehouse. I know how hot it gets up there. So now, because of a random decision by some nancy-boy who has never lifted a heavy case of liquor in his life and lives in a place where the temperature never rises above seventy, our warehouse guys have to be poor and exhausted and FUCKING MISERABLE every day. For no reason. For no reason other than to satisfy the whim of a man who has never known a day of physical labor. The company won't make one extra cent because our warehouse guys are wearing jeans in ninety-five degree heat.

Oh, speaking of unconscionable stupidity, we are never notified of price changes. REPEAT: WE DON'T KNOW OF A PRICE CHANGE UNTIL IT RINGS UP AT A REGISTER AND A CUSTOMER (almost always a grumpy old man) YELLS AT US FOR TRYING TO STEAL FROM HIM! Nothing makes me happier than being yelled at by a bitter, quasi-senile skinflint over twenty cocksucking cents. Will this change in the foreseeable future? Fuck no. Why should it? What do the corporate vipers care? They're being fawned over by a gaggle of boot-licking toadies and sniveling yes-men. No problem there.

I really appreciate and envy people who work for small, independent businesses; or those who start their own business. They don't have to play the pointless corporate games. I know every job is kind of a hassle in its own way, but it would be nice to work for someone who didn't intentionally make it worse.