I had to use a public restroom today. To be more clear, I had to poop in a public restroom today. What a horrible thing to have to do. It's like the old joke: "Don't go in the men's room; that's where all the dicks hang out." Unfortunately, when nature calls it's a fool who doesn't answer.
The particular stall I chose today had writing on the side wall. It was an anti-George Bush diatribe; and while I agreed with it, I don't like political graffiti in public restrooms. I want my shithouse poetry to be filthy and juvenile, requiring no thought and containing not even a shred of insight. If it's not a crude observation it better be the name and number of a lady looking "for a good time." Simply put, when I'm taking a squat I don't want to read rejected lyrics from the lost Rage Against the Machine recordings.
This is probably a more common occurance for prettier boys, but only once have I been solicited for sex in a public restroom, and it was once too often. I was at a mall and had to drop a deuce in the worst way when my path to the stall was blocked by a man who asked if he could...um, service me orally. I HAD TO TAKE A SHIT! I wouldn't have let a woman blow me at that point, unless she had a serious blumpkin fetish. Please let me crap in peace. I ask so little.
In fact, no sex in public bathrooms at all. Gays, straights, whatever; just stop it. If you meet that special someone in or around a toilet and must have sex with them immediately, at least go out to a car. The next time I see or hear people screwing in a bathroom I'm about to use, I'm going to find out where they live and shit in their bed(s). That should impart on them a much needed sense of perspective.
The particular stall I chose today had writing on the side wall. It was an anti-George Bush diatribe; and while I agreed with it, I don't like political graffiti in public restrooms. I want my shithouse poetry to be filthy and juvenile, requiring no thought and containing not even a shred of insight. If it's not a crude observation it better be the name and number of a lady looking "for a good time." Simply put, when I'm taking a squat I don't want to read rejected lyrics from the lost Rage Against the Machine recordings.
This is probably a more common occurance for prettier boys, but only once have I been solicited for sex in a public restroom, and it was once too often. I was at a mall and had to drop a deuce in the worst way when my path to the stall was blocked by a man who asked if he could...um, service me orally. I HAD TO TAKE A SHIT! I wouldn't have let a woman blow me at that point, unless she had a serious blumpkin fetish. Please let me crap in peace. I ask so little.
In fact, no sex in public bathrooms at all. Gays, straights, whatever; just stop it. If you meet that special someone in or around a toilet and must have sex with them immediately, at least go out to a car. The next time I see or hear people screwing in a bathroom I'm about to use, I'm going to find out where they live and shit in their bed(s). That should impart on them a much needed sense of perspective.
6 Comments:
hysterical cackling at post and Biki's comment.
The Old Man had me read this one out loud to him, and I am now in tears from laughing. I learned that I cannot say "drop a deuce" with a straight face.
I dunno. I think you should have considered letting the guy blow you while taking said shit. Why not? If he can handle it, seems like a fair trade.
Turd Fergusun
I had to pinch a loaf this afternoon, but was out to dinner and shopping with a friend. Pooping in public is VERY hard to do -- I imagine all these microbes crawling up onto my thighs as I settle onto a seat that has welcomed thousands.
I finally got home after 6 hours out of the house and, whattaya know, I'm now constipated.
Shit in public when you have the chance.
Remember Al Bundy finally got his Ferguson toilet? Ba-woosh!
That's one of my favourite episodes.
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