I sent a member of the vaunted Death Wore a Feathered Mullet news team to the battleground state of Ohio to interview vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin. Here's the text...
DWAFM: Thanks for agreeing to the interview, Governor Palin.
SP: Oh, you betcha. Anything to help John McCain get elected.
DWAFM: Well, only ten people read the blog, and eight of them are liberals.
SP: Even welfare-collectin' baby killers can learn somethin'.
DWAFM: Do you read blogs?
SP: Oh yes. I'm quite the little reader, I am.
DWAFM: What is your favorite blog?
SP: (pause) All of 'em.
DWAFM: All of them? Every blog? There are hundreds of thousands of blogs.
SP: I read 'em all. Each and every one of 'em. Daily.
DWAFM: Can you give me an example of one you read?
SP: I read all the time. Reading is my life, Katie.
DWAFM: Did you just call me Katie? I'm a guy.
SP: You certainly are. Yes.
DWAFM: Are you mentally capable of giving an example? What is your favorite color?
SP: You know, that reminds me of a funny story: When I was a kid, my mom gave me a brand new pack of Crayola crayons for the start of school. It was only the 16 color variety, not the 128 color box the liberal elites bought their kids; but I was proud of that box of crayons, don'tcha know.
DWAFM: Yeah, that was hilarious. You didn't answer the question, Governor.
SP: Well, I might not answer the question the way you or the moderator want me to answer it.
DWAFM: What? What moderator? There's no moderator here. Never mind. Let's try another one. Can you name a United States senator other than McCain, Obama, or Biden?
SP: That's a trick question. Obama's not a senator, he's a community organizer.
DWAFM: I'll assume you're joking.
SP: (vacant stare)
DWAFM: You aren't joking. I assure you, Barack Obama is a U.S. senator.
SP: Okay. Whatever.
DWAFM: You still haven't answered my question. Come on, name the senior senator from Alaska. I'll give you a hint: He's the longest serving Republican in the Senate, indicted by a grand jury for violations of the Ethics in Government Act, campaigned for you in your gubernatorial run...
SP: I've never run for gubernator. That's crazy talk.
DWAFM: TED STEVENS! His name is Ted Stevens. You know him personally!
SP: Simmer down, hot rod. No need to yell. You liberal elites are so angry.
DWAFM: This is the point where Tina Fey yells "Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!"
SP: She looks like me.
DWAFM: I'm done here. Have a nice life, Governor.
SP: But I still have to passive-aggressively attack Barack Obama and mention my Alaskan energy policy regardless of the topic.
DWAFM: Do it on your own time, sister. And give your daughter some fucking birth control next time.
Well, that wasn't very professional, was it? I'll have to find a more objective member of the news team to do the next interview.
DWAFM: Thanks for agreeing to the interview, Governor Palin.
SP: Oh, you betcha. Anything to help John McCain get elected.
DWAFM: Well, only ten people read the blog, and eight of them are liberals.
SP: Even welfare-collectin' baby killers can learn somethin'.
DWAFM: Do you read blogs?
SP: Oh yes. I'm quite the little reader, I am.
DWAFM: What is your favorite blog?
SP: (pause) All of 'em.
DWAFM: All of them? Every blog? There are hundreds of thousands of blogs.
SP: I read 'em all. Each and every one of 'em. Daily.
DWAFM: Can you give me an example of one you read?
SP: I read all the time. Reading is my life, Katie.
DWAFM: Did you just call me Katie? I'm a guy.
SP: You certainly are. Yes.
DWAFM: Are you mentally capable of giving an example? What is your favorite color?
SP: You know, that reminds me of a funny story: When I was a kid, my mom gave me a brand new pack of Crayola crayons for the start of school. It was only the 16 color variety, not the 128 color box the liberal elites bought their kids; but I was proud of that box of crayons, don'tcha know.
DWAFM: Yeah, that was hilarious. You didn't answer the question, Governor.
SP: Well, I might not answer the question the way you or the moderator want me to answer it.
DWAFM: What? What moderator? There's no moderator here. Never mind. Let's try another one. Can you name a United States senator other than McCain, Obama, or Biden?
SP: That's a trick question. Obama's not a senator, he's a community organizer.
DWAFM: I'll assume you're joking.
SP: (vacant stare)
DWAFM: You aren't joking. I assure you, Barack Obama is a U.S. senator.
SP: Okay. Whatever.
DWAFM: You still haven't answered my question. Come on, name the senior senator from Alaska. I'll give you a hint: He's the longest serving Republican in the Senate, indicted by a grand jury for violations of the Ethics in Government Act, campaigned for you in your gubernatorial run...
SP: I've never run for gubernator. That's crazy talk.
DWAFM: TED STEVENS! His name is Ted Stevens. You know him personally!
SP: Simmer down, hot rod. No need to yell. You liberal elites are so angry.
DWAFM: This is the point where Tina Fey yells "Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!"
SP: She looks like me.
DWAFM: I'm done here. Have a nice life, Governor.
SP: But I still have to passive-aggressively attack Barack Obama and mention my Alaskan energy policy regardless of the topic.
DWAFM: Do it on your own time, sister. And give your daughter some fucking birth control next time.
Well, that wasn't very professional, was it? I'll have to find a more objective member of the news team to do the next interview.
11 Comments:
I meant to say she sounded like a broken atrac tape.
Bwak! Maverick! Bwak! Energy Producing State! Energy Producing State! Drill, Drill!
Hello! Pretty Bird! Bwak!
ROFLMAO.
I couldn't believe during the part of the debate I saw she was doing the whole "dismissive smirk" thing like McCain did as Biden spoke.
On the other hand, I loved Biden's wide, happy grin every time something stupid came out of her mouth. Which was often.
buwahahahhaa...doggoneit!
The 2008 Debate Maverick Drinking Game!
I didn't have the mental fortitude to watch the debates last night. Being sick for a week took it out of me. Thanks for bringing me up to speed, Toddy. :)
Heck yeah! Gosh darnit!
There ya go again toddy.
Everytime she chirped "Maverick" i wanted Biden to reply "talk to me Goose!"
obscure Top Gun ref... :)
oh yeah,
and then beat her to death with a shovel.
::winks, giggles::
You nailed it!
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