Thursday, September 25, 2008
Fuck the Yankees

Did Michael Madsen get a haircut? No, this lump is Hank Steinbrenner, the rich bastard who runs the New York Yankees now that his dad, George Steinbrenner, has tapioca for brains.

The Yankees aren't going to the playoffs this year, and Hank doesn't think it's fair! So of course he unloads his adult brat bullshit on Joe Torre, the guy who helped his team win four World Series titles (and added millions to the Steinbrenner family fortune as a result).

"You see it this season, with plenty of people in the media pointing out that Joe Torre and the Dodgers are going to the playoffs while we're not. This is by no means a knock on Torre — let me make that clear — but look at the division they're in. If L.A. were in the AL East, it wouldn't be in the playoff discussion."

Well, at least that isn't a knock on Torre.

Hank goes on to say how unfair -UNFAIR I SAY- it is that a team with a worse record than the Yankees will get in the playoffs while Douchebag America's Team runs around New York stealing the souls of babies or whatever it is that pure evil does when it has downtime.

Fine. Let's talk about some other things that aren't fair:

-The Yankees have the highest payroll in baseball at $209,081,579. That's higher than the payrolls of Pittsburgh, Oakland, Tampa Bay and Florida combined. NO FAIR!

-A piece of shit like Hank Steinbrenner is born into billions of dollars. Because he popped out of the right pussy, he doesn't have to get up and go to work like the rest of us. NO FAIR!

-Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter gets a ridiculous amount of high class tail. I'm thinking right now of the best looking woman I've ever had sex with. If Derek Jeter woke up next to her tomorrow morning, he'd kill himself. NO FAIR!

In short, Hank Steinbrenner should shut his sewer of a mouth and count his father's money.


Blogger Übermilf said...

Don't you like the Yankees? They're the Dallas Cowboys of baseball.

Blogger yournamehere said...

That was a cheap shot that completely ended my post-birthday glow.

Obviously the Cowboys are nothing like the Yankees because I like the Cowboys and dislike the Yankees. Don't you see the difference?

Seriously, football has a salary cap, so it's a lot harder to buy championships (or in the Yankees' case, mediocrity).

Blogger Sysm said...

Happy birthday.

Or, at least, a slightly less ornery one.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

There's no crying in baseball!

Blogger lostinutah said...

I'm with Ubermilf...but anyway...late Happy Birthday.

I used to love the Yankees when Catfish Hunter played for them. Even he hated the Steinbrenners.

Blogger Sara said...

I completely see the difference, the Cowboys are nothing like the Yankees.

Why do you hate America so much?

Blogger Johnny Yen said...

Every year that they don't even make it to the playoffs, I do a little happy dance.

What's even better than the Yankees not going to the playoffs? The Yankees not going to the playoffs because Tampa Bay won that division title.

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