Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Swing voters are stupid
It's time to put the blame for the state of this country squarely where it belongs: At the feet of the American voter.

You can't blame Karl Rove or Fox News for convincing people that war-avoider George Bush is a hero and decorated vet John Kerry is a coward; you have to blame the people who were actually convinced! Yes, they were told something several times by people who had an agenda. Big fucking deal. These voters are grown ups, adults who can think for themselves. Would they believe in the Easter Bunny if Karl Rove said he existed?

It isn't the Republican party's fault that certain people are all ga-ga over Sarah Palin. Of course the party doesn't mention her extremist views, but it takes ABOUT THREE SECONDS to do a google search and find out all about her. If someone really wants to support her because she's attractive and hunts with a fucking musket or because her uterus is an assembly line, that person is a moron; and why shouldn't morons be pandered to when it works almost every time?

The American public, for some reason, doesn't want political leaders to be smarter than them; or even to appear interested in policy. "Sarah ain't got no time for knowin' what a vice president does. She's got youngins what to raise up." They want a prettier, slightly more articulate (but not too articulate) version of their next-door neighbor; someone with whom they can fish and hunt wild game and drink swill beer from a can WOO HOO!

I wonder if these independent swing voters apply these standards in other aspects of life:

"I don't like that one guy, with his fancy degrees and elitist 'I know more about medicine than you' attitude. I want a doctor who looks really good in a white coat and shares my inane hobbies."

"Yeah, we won the case, but I'm not going to keep you on. You speak a lot of legalese in court. I'd like my lawyer to spout homespun yarns, like Matlock does."

"Do you really think I'm going to let someone touch my car who doesn't look like Cooter from The Dukes of Hazzard?"

"Blueprints? Easy there, Mike Brady. Draw it up on a bar napkin like you're giving your phone number to a tavern skank."

"He spends more time banging flight attendants than actually flying the plane? Sign me up for that flight, mister!"

I'm moving to the mountains and living off of the land.


Blogger Tracy said...

"Sarah ain't got no time for knowin' what a vice president does. She's got youngins what to raise up."

I don't believe i have told you lately that you are my hero xoxoxo

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

I believe I've made my feelings about Ms. Palin clear.

Blogger Doola! said...

"Would they believe in the Easter Bunny if Karl Rove said he existed?"

Do you want a true answer to that question, or a reassuring one?

Blogger Alison said...

Have I told you lately that I love you?

Blogger Mister Mxyzptlk said...

Yet again you've topped yourself. Best Mullet post ever - you nailed it!

Blogger ms fable said...

In the immortal words of Homer Simpson - "It takes two to lie Marge, One to lie and one to listen."

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

Moving to the mountains and living off the land sounds like a goo idea...perfect for a progressive polygamist family!

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

These are the same people who were pissed off at Gore for rolling his eyes at Bush's stupidity in the debates.

We are doomed.

Blogger Heather said...

This was one kick ass post.
I agree 100%.

Except on the Mike Brady part. Everybody knows it wasn't the skank he gave his # to, it was the gay bartender... Sheesh! Get your facts straight.

Scarlet hip said it best. We ARE doomed.

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

It's often said that we get the government we deserve.

Some of us are still waiting.

Blogger jazzbonejoe said...

There's so much I want to say. I can't even begin.

This is a great post. I laughed and snorted Dr. Pepper out my nose, and onto my tie. Fortunately, a napkin and some cold water were close at hand.

I have to stop reading your blog on my lunch break.

Blogger jesse said...

What ever you say, George, I promise.

Blogger jesse said...

What ever you say, George, I promise.

Blogger Lil Sass said...

I love that so many blogs have become infused with political tones as of late. I continue to love your thoughts

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

You know what's funny? Cooter actually has served in Congress. And based on his politics, he'd probably agree completely with your Dukes of Hazzard comment.

Blogger lostinutah said...

Does anyone realize that Larry Craig and Sarah Palin both went to the University of Idaho?

The irony...

Get out of my head! I've been saying this to everyone. Swing are put off by people with book smurts because it makes them feel stupid. They need someone to tell them they're great and everything's going to be okay. I'm sorry but if we keep teaching creationism in schools everything is not going to be okay.

God, how hard do you think the Chinese are laughing right now?

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