Friday, August 29, 2008
This Just In: McCain Chooses Tina Fey For VP

Oh, my mistake. This isn't Tina Fey; it's Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. She's 44-years-old, very attractive, and apparently John McCain's choice for running mate/potential third wife. She's even been referred to by as a "GILF". I can't argue with this assessment, as I would like to give her some supply-side lovin'.

Political parties crack me up. The Democrats were worried about Obama's inexperience (and non-whiteness, frankly) so they picked an old white guy for VP. The Republicans are concerned about John McCain being old, cranky, and about as photogenic as Wilford Brimley's nut sack, so they picked this woman. I'm not going to question her politics at this time, because I have no idea what they are.

Before either party starts fellating themselves over their respective picks, let's keep in mind that the vice presidential candidate makes little to no difference. Don't believe me? Take a look at the VPs of the past three winning "teams":

Dan Quayle
"Bushisms", a word coined for the way W. butchers the English language, used to be called "Quayleisms". This guy seemed borderline retarded.

Al Gore
I like Al Gore, and his public speaking has improved dramatically, but in 1992 he was a fucking mannequin out there.

Dick Cheney
No demographic group likes or has ever liked Dick Cheney, with the possible exception of cranky old men and the oil execs he's made rich. He is just naturally unpleasant as a human being, but he's been Vice President for almost eight years.

I'll have to give John McCain credit for picking the first vice presidential candidate I'd like to bang, but I'm still not going to vote for them.

UPDATE: Apparently there's a minor scandal involving Governor Palin. In short, she fired the Alaskan Public Safety Director because he wouldn't fire her ex-brother-in-law, a state trooper; and then she authorized an in-house investigation of herself (because we know how impartial those in-house investigations are). Well, now we know she's the perfect person to help John McCain continue the Bush-Cheney administration.


Blogger egan said...

Great breakdown of formers veeps. They're kind of like three string quarterbacks aren't they?

The Tina Fey thing is perfect for the picture you used on this post. Have a good weekend!

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

Dammit, man...we just need to merge our blogs! Great minds.

Blogger la dolce said...

Walter Monegan is my brother's best friend's dad. I fucking hate this bitch.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

I wonder if she plasters on the makeup like a trollop, too.

Blogger Room Mom Helper said...

Wait, there's corruption in Alaska? Who knew.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...


That was me.

What's not to like about Dick Cheney? I especially enjoyed him telling world class douchebag Patrick Leahy to go fuck himself.

And for the love of God, don't degrade yourself and merge your blog with Ian's. You're the only one with a great (yet politically misguided) mind.

See you next week bro.

Blogger lostinutah said...

Dear Gads, she went to the University of Idaho. I should be pleased...yet...

Oh wait, this is probably almost as good as Romney. Never mind.

Blogger Lil Sass said...

A VP matters when you're older than dirt.

Hot For Teacher should NOT be a NP choice!

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

Wow, VRWC. Wasn't even aware you read my blog. You should leave a comment sometime so I can see how wrong I am all the time.

As for Palin, she seems like a decent-enough person, but possibly the worst choice McCain could have made for VP that didn't involve living in caves. Needless to say, I'm devouring a lot more punditry now.

Do you really think I would read anything you would write Ian? I don't need to read your blog to know you're wrong. Your comments on the Mullet are all I need.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

FYI, Wilford Brimley's nutsack is WAY more photogenic than McCain. At least in my dreams it is.

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