Tuesday, August 12, 2008
I have a question

Has there ever been a widely-released CD that didn't sell one single copy? Because I'm thinking that might happen to the New Kids on the Block Greatest Hits package. Seriously, who will buy this in 2008? Yes, despite the cover photo of the "boys" when they were actually teenagers (or at least in their early twenties), this CD was just recently released. My question, once again, is "Who the fuck is going to buy this?"

I don't question the commercial viability of this disc because it's a pile of shit (although it is a steaming, fly-buzzed pile of absolute manure), because that certainly doesn't stop most crap from making money. I'm just thinking that consumers who like this type of "music" - 12 yr. old girls - are into bubblegum tripemeisters who AREN'T old enough to remind them of their creepy uncle and his alcoholic poker buddies.

Let's assume a few copies of this tragedy are actually purchased. Who is the type of person who'll pay actual money for the NKOTB Greatest Hits?

Retar...uh, the mentally challenged
A chromosome-deficient individual may wander into one of the few record stores that are still open, grab this CD, and hand it to his assigned caregiver. If the caregiver has a damn heart, he'll buy the CD.

Meta-ironic hipsters
"I'm so cool that my coolness transcends this New Kids CD. Also, I'm drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon even though I'm not part of their targeted white trash demographic. Holy fuck, I'm clever."

Columbia CD Club members who forget to send the little postcard back and therefore receive the CD as a "Selection of the Month"
"New Kids on the Block? Son of a bitch!"

Senile old ladies who think their adult niece is still ten years old
"Really, you shouldn't have."

This just in: If you see someone trying to purchase this CD, you are legally obligated to stop them by ANY MEANS NECESSARY.


9 Comments:

Blogger pastlifecarthief said...

put it down Todd, I'm afraid I can't let you buy that :)

John Edwards is buying it for his mistress. It's the least he can do for her now.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

They'll also be touring, starting in September.

Quote from story: "'The Block' is set to drop Sept. 2, the label said."

Like a turd in the toilet.

Blogger lostinutah said...

I admit, I did go see Rick Springfield this spring. He was awesome. I'm not apologizing...but I wouldn't buy this for anything, anything at all.

Blogger dizzy von damn! said...

i wouldn't buy this, but if someone i know does, i will totally import into my itunes.

Blogger Lil Sass said...

Oh honey, you have no idea how many times I've overheard someone saying they're SO EXCITED for the reunion tour.

You know who? Queers and cougars, that's who!

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

Now I know what to get you for your birthday.

I mean NOT to get you. That's what I meant.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

Confession: I still have my Donnie Wahlberg doll. He lives in my bathroom.

Nevertheless, I am not buying this album.

Although, as Miss Kendra said...

Blogger Tracy said...

the nkotb may be saddened to find their former fan base are now soccer moms

it saddens me that i know they are called NKotB

sigh.

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