Monday, November 10, 2008
The FreeRepublic message board is my anti-drug
I'd like to thank my friend Ubermilf for making me realize that internet message boards can be an endless source of amusement. Before, I would just cringe and bemoan humanity's fast descent into the abyss; but now I laugh knowingly.

A terrific source of pure hilarity is Free Republic. These are hateful, delusional people and I mock their collective existence.

What do the "freepers", as they call themselves (no really, they call themselves that) think of Fox News?

"I don't watch Fox. Too far left."

"The problem with FOX is that they are pandering to people that truly want fair and balanced. We conservatives want the truth."

Classic. These folks are going to be the death of satire. What can Jon Stewart say that's funnier than that?

But will they ever watch Fox News?

"The only time I will watch any FOX News program is when they have Sarah Palin on."

There you go. A wingnut can't crawl out of his undisclosed location without Sarah's name coming up. She's a shinning beacon in the sea of crazy.

"I was a Fox junkie until about 2 months ago. Morning, noon, night I watched it all. The programming made a major turn toward Obama right after Labor Day and I stopped cold turkey."

I guess the one hour special hosted by Sean Hannity in which a discredited anti-semite called Obama a terrorist was in fact "a major turn toward Obama." Funny, I thought it was a shameful smear job.

"I haven’t virtually watched news since election night — I have honestly, before God in heaven, watched NOT ONE SINGLE SECOND of news since Obummer was elected. And I was a former news junky. Obummer is now 'the name that will not be spoken' in our house, even though I’m teaching my homeschooled four children to honor the office even if they cannot honor the man."

It's "junkie", moron. Your poor children won't be able to spell, but at least you'll teach them all about phony, self-serving moralizing.

"Attorney General will definitely be an ultra-liberal, probably black rights lawyer."

Too bad Johnny Cochran is dead.

And it wasn't long before Sarah was mentioned again.

"I'm sorry you were the nominee, John McCain. But! Thanks for at least one thing....for introducing us to the new face of the Republican party."

Oh, please let it happen! I ask for so little, God. Let the Repubs ignore all the data that screams "Moderates are afraid of Palin!"

"Hang tough, Sarah. McCain has an ego problem and needs to go. We can no longer tolerate his kind in our party. I could care less if gives the Dems 60 seats in, it does not matter as he will probably 'reach across the isle' and vote with them anyway. Its time to clean house folks and get the trash out of our party, starting with John McCain."

This insane person voted for "Trash" McCain less than a week ago.

"Palin may be receptive to a third paty run based on the shabby treatment she got from McNutjob and the other mental pygmies and moral dwarfs in the GOP."

This is even better. Let Sarah run as a third party candidate in 2012. Just go ahead and call it the "Dumb as a Fucking Stump" party. If it ends up being Obama vs. Romney in four years, I wonder who Sarah's run would hurt the most?

"As the woman who fought for the campaign with the strength of a thousand warriors is assailed by every loser there is, where is John McCain?"

She spent someone else's money with the strength of a thousand shoppers, that's for sure.

What do the "freepers" think of Mittens?

"Romney has led this attack on a woman in his vicious, fascist, depraved, way."

Did, he, really, do, that?

This is my absolute favorite:

"Secession. It’s our only hope. The lib Northeast and West will collapse if we withdraw and refuse to send in our tax dollars. In just a few years the Red States will be the worlds #1 economic powerhouse and the starving lib states will beg to rejoin us and do things our way."

Thank you for your thoughts, Ghost of Jefferson Davis. Not only is that a treasonous statement, it's also fucking stupid.

Is this just states? I don't want to move again, so I say let all blue counties stay in the original USA. We'll take New York, Chicago, etc, and the Red States of Amurakuh can have Sisterfuck, West Virginia.


21 Comments:

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

Thank you. That just made my day.

Blogger Übermilf said...

We will welcome you in Illinois with open arms if it comes to that.

Or you can stay with your brother, now that he lives in a blue state.

Blogger Great Big Nerd said...

If there's not a town called Sisterfuck, WV, there really needs to be. Can we get someone on this?

You know, I'm glad that only crazy Republicans have message boards. Imagine the kind of whack job, bomb throwing shit one might see on left wing one. How about "Republicans are Nazi's," "I wish cancer on Dick Cheney, and so on. Now that is fun readin' for the whole family.

Blogger Vache Folle said...

Red States get more in federal aide than they pay out in federal taxes. Blue states would be better off without them. If they want to secede, let them do it this time.

Blogger foundinidaho said...

Can you imagine the beauty...Palin and Romney 2012. It's doomed to fail.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

It's posts like this that make me want to hump your leg.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Scarlet,
thank you for being easy to please.

ubie,
my brother would move from Nevada, I assume. I'll see you in Downer's Grove.

gbn,
come January, when Obama controls the White House, it will be his first executive order.

vast,
of course you're right, but there's nothing funny about "Republicans are Nazis" whereas "the Red States will be the world's number one economic powerhouse" is fucking hilarious.

vache,
I live in a blue city located in a red state. This city gives three dollars in state taxes for every one dollar it gets back, and all we get for our troubles is a bunch of rednecks telling us how we live in a crime-infested cesspool. Without the tax burden of this "cesspool" those hillbillies wouldn't have paved roads or working electricity.

vache,
Oh, I'm hoping Sarah vs. Romney vs. Obama. That's a forty-eight state Dem landslide, with Utah going for Romney and Alaska for Palin.

tits,
make it my third leg, please.

Blogger Devan said...

Hee hee - Vast in a blue state! How sickening was it that KY was the first state to show up - as red!?! (cringe) Well, I am from "red" Bullitt County (KY) and am planning to move to Louisville if we segregate . . .

Blogger Devan said...

Oops, I mean secede . . . major slip of the tongue! SORRY!

Blogger Ambitious Blonde said...

If you think the message boards are insane, try the chat rooms sometime.

Also, I'd like to hump the leg Tits isn't pleasuring herself on. :)

It's all the damn dirty hippies that have moved here from CA that turned NV blue. I'm glad you're all thrilled that happened to me. Bastards.

And you all need to throw Bobby Jindal into your rhetoric. We'll see how that landslide prediction goes against him.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Bobby Jindal is a highly intelligent man. He once performed an exorcism, which scares the shit out of me, but he's a smart guy.

Right now, Palin would beat him in a Republican primary, but four years is a long time.

If Obama does a decent job, he won't lose in '12. If he does a shitty job, he probably will.

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

Jindal '12: Looks Like Change, But Isn't (Wink)

Blogger Übermilf said...

I'll have to add an addition to the house to accommodate all the humpers and leg humpers.

Does everybody like homemade waffles for breakfast?

Blogger Miss Pants said...

Thank you for making me laugh...even if I was crying a little bit on the inside.

Blogger Nick said...

I wish Dick Cheney had cancer.

Blogger foundinidaho said...

Hate to break it to you, VRWC, but I know of four people who voted for Obama in Reno the other day and three of them are native Nevadans. And none of them are my favorite people because they're my stupid ignorant ex-husband and his family, and are pretty damn conservative. But there you go. It's not all the Californians. That one's too easy - all the Californians moved to Idaho and my state got MORE RED. I'm not kidding, either, it's true!

Blogger Junita said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

Blogger Rebecca said...

Oh. My. God. I am LAUGHING my ASS off! You must have been to West Virginia before... I grew up in southern Ohio- wedged between WV and KY. I swear to god, there was something in the water that made people more ignorant then they already were. Thank goodness for bottled water. ;-)
And I can't visit the Freeper site. I tried once. I ended up with bleeding fingers from typing so hard on my own blog about the insanity there, and a few missing teeth from gritting them so much. I bow down.

Blogger Adlibby said...

I'm stunned and speechless... and so glad to have stumbled over here without spilling my drink. Too freakin' funny.

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