During the day, when productive citizens are at work, old men descend upon the liquor store in frightening, complaining, slow-moving numbers. They take up two or three parking spots with their giant cars, they buy large quantities of jug wine and barely-aged bourbon, and they all have epic amounts of hair coming out of their ears.
If I did a shot every time I saw an elderly gent with a hair prairie (or "hairie") coming out of his ear I'd be passed out drunk by lunch. These old men are way too worried about getting a case of 1.75 litre Kentucky Gentleman than they are about trimming any unsightly ear hair.
I'll freely admit to having an ear hair. Yes. One. One ear hair; and it's white, even though I as of yet have no white hair on my head. However, I keep it out of public consciousness with a trimmer I bought from Sharper Image before they went out of business. I'm thinking if old people would bother trimming their ear hair, Sharper Image would still be around. Thanks a fucking lot, elderly population, for making us settle for Brookstone.
All of this leads us to the title of this post: At what age do you completely stop worrying about ear hair? I guess when your joints are on fire and you piss in four different directions you aren't worried about cosmetics, but it really would be pretty easy to trim that shit. If losing weight were that easy, I'd be one svelte mother fucker right about now.
If I did a shot every time I saw an elderly gent with a hair prairie (or "hairie") coming out of his ear I'd be passed out drunk by lunch. These old men are way too worried about getting a case of 1.75 litre Kentucky Gentleman than they are about trimming any unsightly ear hair.
I'll freely admit to having an ear hair. Yes. One. One ear hair; and it's white, even though I as of yet have no white hair on my head. However, I keep it out of public consciousness with a trimmer I bought from Sharper Image before they went out of business. I'm thinking if old people would bother trimming their ear hair, Sharper Image would still be around. Thanks a fucking lot, elderly population, for making us settle for Brookstone.
All of this leads us to the title of this post: At what age do you completely stop worrying about ear hair? I guess when your joints are on fire and you piss in four different directions you aren't worried about cosmetics, but it really would be pretty easy to trim that shit. If losing weight were that easy, I'd be one svelte mother fucker right about now.
6 Comments:
I know what you mean bro. I saw I guy the other day that looked as if he had a miniaturized version of "Little Rascals" legend Buckwheat dwelling in his ear. If the elderly would trim that shit, they wouldn't need hearing aids, as it is impossible for sound to penetrate the thickness of the "hair prairie." Maybe PETA could have a campaign to harvest the hair and make it into coats for themselves. That way, they could keep their insane asses warm, and be doing the rest of us a great public service.
Ok, delurking again - I have to say, speaking from personal experience, not only do the ear hairs need attending to - but the nose hairs as well! If you can't hear, can't smell . . .
Come back next week for a scintillating discussion on male pattern baldness.
I'm waiting for the one on erectile dysfunction.
I saw a man at Navy Pier with serious coiffed Eyebrows brushed up like fans. These suckers looked like he had been staring into a windmachine.
I'm told that if you pluck those ear hairs eventually you will damage the follicle to the point that it won't grow back. Seems to be working for my husband, so I thought I'd share...
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