Thursday, January 29, 2009
The Great Ice Storm of Aught-Nine (Updated)

A few nights ago it snowed. Then there was an ice storm. Then it rained. Then the rain froze. Then it snowed again. Drainage grates froze over, causing flash flooding. I've changed to a picture of a gas station in town trying to charge $6.89 for a gallon of gas. Nice. I'd like to cordially invite the owner of the station to suck all of our dicks. Ladies and all folks who are otherwise dickless, please don extra-veiny strap-ons so the owner can suck those, too.

Thankfully, after a call from the Attorney General's office
, they lowered the price to a competitive $1.89. Thanks to these guys for the info.

The weight of all of that ice and snow caused tree branches and power lines to snap, putting about two hundred thousand people in the Louisville area without power.

Will this cause our power and gas monopoly to join the 21st century and put power lines underground? Of course not, because all they can do is collect money; they can't be bothered to spend it. Fuck them with John Dillinger's formaldehyde-preserved cock.

And while I'm ranting, fuck the city's half-assed snow and ice removal efforts. I just looked out the window and saw a plow go down my street. Good, right? No, it pushed the snow to the side of the road, trapping us all in our driveways, while leaving a dangerous layer of ice on the road. Thanks a fucking lot, city.

I don't ask for much, but will someone please give me two million dollars? I figure a million will get me a one bedroom condo in San Diego, and I can live on the other million. I can live there sometimes, live here sometimes, and crash for long periods at my brother's house, drinking all of his Fat Tire beer and putting a horrible strain on his marriage. Ummmm....freeloading.


Blogger egan said...

Maybe you should ask Jesus for two million dollars. He's rather generous.

Should have never left Vegas. It's been in the 60's and 70's for 2 weeks. mmmmmmm.....Fat Tire.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

If you turned this ranting into Christian speak, you could be a televangelist. That would solve your money problems in no time.

Blogger Devan said...

Just imagine if you were where I am - Mt. Misery, KY (AKA Mt. Washington) - roads MUCH worse and feeling your pain! But, at least, my office in St. Matthews is without electricity as well! So vegging at home with electricity(while harboring family members who don't have it) isn't half bad!

Blogger thr said...

At least you can put on a coat- we are having the biggest heatwave in 100 years- its been over 110 for four days. POwer outages, old people dropping like.... like old people.


Blogger Alison said...

Hey! Lexington's a lot like Louisville this week. We're lucky. We never lost power.

And AMEN to your entire post.

I'll send you a few bucks if it will put you closer to your goal.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

I'd wait until the poles shift to move.

San Diego could be the next Alaska.

I'm a capitalist to the core, but that absolutely sickens me. What a piece of human garbage.

Oh, and the Aught-Nine reference.....Hilarious.

Blogger Johnny Yen said...

No, it pushed the snow to the side of the road, trapping us all in our driveways, while leaving a dangerous layer of ice on the road. Thanks a fucking lot, city.

This, as well as a bunch of snow every winter, is a regular feature of life here in Chicago. I live in a neighborhood where most of us have street parking. I try to wait until the plow has gone by (if it ever does) before I dig my car out.

The great thing is that the city doen't bother to plow the alleys, so those of us parking on the street actually have an advantage over those who have garages.

Our electric lines are overhead here, but the electric company here has the good sense to spend the summers trimming trees that grow near them.

Blogger foundinidaho said...

I work with a gal who was in Louisville to see family right before the storm hit - made it back before it came in. It sounds absolutely horrible there. Stay warm.

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