Friday, January 23, 2009
I was rejected by someone I had absolutely no interest in
The other night at work I was ringing up this lady's order. She had a bottle of Baker's bourbon, so I commented "That's a really good bourbon."

Her reply: "Yeah. My boyfriend told me it's pretty good."

She gave me the "I have a boyfriend" routine when I didn't care one way or the other. Really, I wasn't hitting on her. I don't usually hit on women at work because I'm afraid they'll "complain to management" or "spray me with mace". Oh, and because most of our customers, even the attractive ones, have dog shit where their souls should be.

I wanted to say "Oh no! A boyfriend? DAMN! I slyly mentioned the bourbon, hoping we could go back to your apartment, get drunk, and stink up your bedroom."

Guys, you know a woman finds you unattractive when she CAN'T WAIT to tell you all about her fabulous boyfriend. Needless to say, I know a hell of a lot about the boyfriends of almost every woman I casually encounter. If a twenty dollar bill fell out of a woman's purse and landed by my feet, and I picked up the money and said "Excuse me, you dropped this," the woman would say "Oh, thank you. I need it to buy giant-sized freak condoms for my monument-cocked boyfriend."


8 Comments:

Blogger Übermilf said...

There's always the chance she just wanted to ward off a discussion about bourbon, so she was trying to tell you, "I neither know nor care about bourbon; my boyfriend does."

Or, maybe she was afraid you thought she was going to drink the whole bottle herself.

Or, maybe she was trying to say, "My boyfriend is a drunken lout. Save me from him, you big strong specimen of manhood!"

Or, maybe everyone thinks she's a lesbian, so she's making sure you know she's not.

The possibilities are endless.

Blogger Jo said...

My love, you're becoming paranoid.

Blogger dizzy von damn! said...

i enjoy the lesbian thing ubie said.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

Or maybe he is her first boyfriend and she can't wait to tell anyone about him who is within earshot.

Or maybe she wanted to send you into a jealous frenzy, forcing you to challenge her boyfriend to a duel to the death.

Or maybe she wanted you to join them in a threesome that would no doubt lead to a strong course of antibiotics and various ointments.

As Ubie said, the possibilities are endless.

Or, maybe she was just a stupid bitch.

Blogger Übermilf said...

VRWC, why must you inject stark realism into our flights of fancy?

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

Ha ha, ubermilf!

Yes, it's obnoxious when a woman constantly name-drops her boyfriend. I don't think most mean it in an I-hate-you way, but in a way that's worse. I know women who have been married for years who still take time out of marital bliss to fill out teenage MySpace surveys just for the chance to put "MY HUBBY" in every damn answer. I actually have a blog about this, but I haven't put it up.

Don't think of it as a burn. You're lucky not to have someone like this stalking you up.

I don't know, it's a problem...I'm working on it. No, not really.

Post a Comment

<< Home

footer