I was going to talk about New Year's Eve and the end (thank God) of another holiday season, but I just read that Dane Cook's brother has been stealing loads of money from him. Come on, who cares how drunk I got or how annoying our customers were when Dane Cook's sibling is ripping him off?
Normally, I would be appalled that a family member was betraying a trust in such a blatant manner, but this is Dane Cook we're talking about. In my humble opinion, Dane Cook STOLE THIS MONEY FROM THE GULLIBLE PUBLIC, and his brother is just stealing it back.
I'm sorry, but I think it's hilarious that Dane's bro is taking money that Dane didn't deserve in the first place. I hope the guy wasted the cash on shiny trinkets, hardcore pharmaceuticals, and women of questionable character. It's what Dane would have done with the money, only in a much douchier way.
And I hope it didn't end there. I'd like to hear that he ate Dane's gourmet food and fucked Dane's hot girlfriends too. It would amuse me to know that "Do that thing your brother does!" is a sentence Dane Cook has heard more than once.
I'll write about the New Year's Eve festivities later in the week, but I do have time to mention one New Year's resolution I have. I resolve to be less petty and vengeful this year. Really, what good does it do to hold on to old grudges? Aren't we all just human beings trying to get by?