Friday, December 19, 2008
He came for the chili, he stayed for the violence

Ole Miss (University of Mississippi to you Yankees) basketball coach Andy Kennedy was arrested Wednesday night in Cincinnati for allegedly punching a cab driver and calling him "Bin Laden". This was after a member of his group was thrown out of a local bar.

How does one get tossed out of a bar in Cincinnati? Did he insult their crappy chili? Was he NOT wearing a stained Metallica t-shirt? Anyway, their cab driver claims Kennedy used his face as a speed bag while calling him a terrorist. Kennedy denies this, as you'd expect.

What was this guy doing in Cincinnati months after Kings Island closed for the season? He was there to coach Ole Miss in a basketball game; and, it seems, to terrorize the local immigrant population.

In all fairness, everyone in America is innocent until proven guilty, so maybe he didn't do it. Maybe the taxi driver is a graduate of Mississippi State, Ole Miss' bitter rival, and he saw his chance to take Andy Kennedy down. Or perhaps the cabbie was askin' for it! What if this conversation transpired:

Cab driver: "So what brings you to Cincinnati?"

Andy Kennedy: "We're playing Louisville in the SEC/Big East basketball challenge."

Cab driver: "Is that at U.S. Bank arena?"

Andy Kennedy: "Yes."

Cab driver: "Well, good thing you're playing there tomorrow night. My friends and I are plotting to blow it up next week."

Andy Kennedy: (Punches cab driver repeatedly) "BIN LADEN!! BIN LADEN!!!"

Cab driver: "DEATH TO AMERICA!"

Or maybe Andy Kennedy was just being a drunken douchebag. Who knows?

Despite being arrested, Kennedy was allowed to coach last night. What did you expect? He coaches at Ole Miss, for god's sake. He'll probably get a raise for this. "Nice A-rab punchin', coach. Here's a shitload o' money."

If it turns out he's innocent, I'll print a retraction, but I'll bury it in my archives like newspapers hide their retractions next to titty bar ads.


Blogger dguzman said...

News we can use. Thanks.

Blogger Debra said...

oh that southern hospitality served up jerry springer style, makes me teary eyed, grins, debra {a damned yankee living in mississippi, near MSU}

Blogger Johnny Yen said...

Wait, did you say that you're having ads for titty bars on your blog?

Blogger jacksongirl said...

Oh, it gets better... now
he is suing the cab driver!

Hotty Toddy! NOT!!

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