Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Everyone has an opinion...
In a desperate, almost pathetic attempt to increase the popularity of this blog, the CEO of Death Wore a Feathered Mullet, Ltd. has suggested a few changes. Here is a recent memo I received from the CEO:

Dear "Writer" of DWAFM:

As you know, blogging is big business, and your business isn't good. There are middle schoolers scribbling High School Musical plot synopses who get more page hits than the flagship blog of our now-dying media empire. Recently, the Board of Directors met at the home office in Henderson, Nevada, to address this problem. Several potential solutions were discussed. Here are a few highlights.

-Someone suggested that you write better, more entertaining posts, but this was quickly rejected by those of us who aren't fucking retarded. We know you're doing the best you can, god bless ya, with your limited talent and intelligence. Also, since your life is boring and lacks meaning, your source of material is slight, to say the least.

-We overwhelmingly passed a resolution that you include more pictures of hot chicks on your blog. Folks love the hot chicks. Since no self-respecting hot chick w
ould ever let you take her picture, find the photos on the internet.

-More polls. Readers like to think that you care about their opinions, even though we all know that isn't the case.

-Two words: Kitten pictures!

-If you must write political posts, keep it moderate and non-controversial. For example, almost everyone is against child molestation, slavery, rape of the elderly, nun abuse, driving under the influence of black tar heroin, setting fire to children's hospitals, and loudly farting at state funerals. Therefore, please do not openly endorse any of these activities.

-Consider hiring a professional blog consultant. Yes, this would be an out of pocket expense that we wouldn't reimburse, but it's a small price to pay to escape total irrelevance.

-We know you couldn't get laid at a whorehouse with Charlie Sheen as your wingman, but would it kill you to make something up?

-You don't have to be on a tourism board to recognize that more people are interested in Las Vegas than Louisville. Moving back to your home city was a bad move, blog wise. If you won't move back to Vegas, at least quit talking about Louisville so much. In fact, we recommend that you change the blog's name back to Viva Las Vegass and kind of "pretend" the move never happened.

-People want to know what you look like, but since you're aesthetically unpleasing, use the picture of someone non-threateningly handsome.

-The meeting ended with sandwiches from Capriotti's and a string of fat jokes made at your expense.

We hope these suggestions help you help us make 2009 a banner year for Death Wore a Feathered Mullet, Ltd. (formerly Viva Las Vegass,
Inc.). And by "banner year" I mean "a year in which we don't lose millions of dollars."

I can't help but feel a little insulted, but I will try a few of their suggestions. Here's a picture of an attractive woman holding a kitten:


Blogger EdenSky said...

But where is the opinion poll with which we get to rate this woman's attractiveness?

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

Also you should serve snacks.

Blogger Lil Sass said...

I vote for more boobs and affirmative on the snacks!

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

Maybe you need to pander to people like me.

Blogger dguzman said...

Hey, it brought me here.

Blogger Mike said...

for the record, I am in favor of both rape of the elderly, and loudly farting at state funerals. I am also between 18-35 and vote, so take that into account.

Blogger dizzy von damn! said...

i like kittens.

also if your political posts become "moderate" and not controversial, i will boycott.

Blogger foundinidaho said...

Hey kittens are good, but tone it down you should not! Just don't write nasty posts about kittens. They're cute and don't deserve it.

I've been lobbying for three years to no avail, but will continue to badger the Christ out of you to write about "The Will Bird Affair," as it came to be known. Write it God Damnit!!! You could also write about Marmalard!

Blogger Ambitious Blonde said...

I like kittens.

The blonde is very pretty, too. :)

Blogger Christina LMT said...

I'd prefer puppies, but kittens are good, too.

Get some hot, non-douchebag guys' pictures as well, please.

Blogger Dale said...

Consider changing the name to Blogger's Blogs of Note and see what happens.

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