Odds and Ends

-My patience for stupid customers has worn completely thin. The other day this moron asks, incredulously, "How do you run out of (random product)?", as if our store was the first place to not have something in the history of goods and services.

When he didn't leave I assumed he was waiting around for an answer, so I replied "How do we run out of something? Well, we start with a certain amount of a product, and then we sell that exact amount, which leaves us with none of it left."

-I'll admit to writing the celebratory anthem Goodbye Sarah P a few days before the election. As soon as I finished I realized I had just jinxed Obama big time, so to counterbalance the karma I wrote a post about McCain winning and titled it No We Can't. As soon as Ohio and Florida announced, I deleted it.

-Speaking of the election, they're already selling "Don't Blame Me, I Voted for McCain" bumper stickers. Is the transition going that badly? If I see that on a car before Obama is even inaugurated, I'll put someone in the hospital.

-Unfortunately, I can't take credit for the best idea in the history of innovation. This guy at work came up with it: arena football, as played entirely by midgets. I know...brilliance! "The field is half the length of a regular football field," he reasoned, "so why not have half-sized players?" One thing we both agree upon is that the ball has to be a normal sized football. That will make it twice as entertaining, watching midgets try to keep the ball in their tiny hands. I predict dozens of fumbles every game. And I added this rule: If you catch a midget that ends up in the stands, you get to keep him.

-Last week I did a guest post on this blog. I'd like to thank Crystal for letting me pitch a game in the big leagues. It was fun.