Jane Seymour really likes her jewelry; and other ad attrocities

-According to a commercial I've seen ten million times in the past week, actress Jane Seymour has designed an "Open Hearts" collection for Kay Jewelers. It's fine with me if people want to waste their hard earned money on this kind of thing, but something Ms. Seymour says during the commercial strikes me as rather odd. She states, rather casually, "My wish is that my Open Hearts design becomes the universal symbol for hope and love."

Really Jane? You want your costume jewelry to become the universal symbol for hope and love? Why don't you wish for eternal life and heat vision while you're at it? Personally, I'd like my extended middle finger to be the universal symbol for "Fuck Jane Seymour's hubris."

-Bud Light has come up with a new way to sell their horrible swill. They claim it has "drinkability". You know what else has "drinkability"? Water. I want my beer to have taste, thank you very much.

-Speaking of awful beer targeted at morons, Coors Light is touting their innovative "cold activated" bottle. When the Coor Light bottle is frigid enough to kill what little taste the beer actually has, the mountains on the label turn blue. I guess simply touching the bottle to determine its temperature is hopelessly outdated. "Why are you touching the bottle? Just look at the mountains, old timer. Seriously, Methuselah, you should go churn some butter now."

Happy Festivus, everyone!