Last night at work one of my cashiers briefly disappeared, as they like to do, so I had to ring up this young girl who stood vacantly in front of an unoccupied cash register. She was so into her cell phone conversation I don't think she realized no one was there, so I stepped in to once again save Stupid America from itself.
I was too late, folks. The one-sided conversation I heard almost caused my brain to liquefy and ooze out my nostrils like post nasal drip.
(Cooze on phone) "Yeah like I guess the job is like going okay, you know. Like today I guess the kids were all like making too much noise and like the principal like called me out to like the hall and told me to like make them be like all quiet and stuff."
Yes, this puddin'-for-brains is a teacher. She. Teaches. Children.
The couple in line behind her were already smirking at her fractured bimbo-speak. When I told them "She's a teacher", using a disapproving tone normally reserved for calling out crack whores, the looks on their faces combined amusement, sadness, and fear.
She may have heard us mocking her as she made her way toward the exit, but I doubt it since she was in the middle of that Mensa teleconference.
I was too late, folks. The one-sided conversation I heard almost caused my brain to liquefy and ooze out my nostrils like post nasal drip.
(Cooze on phone) "Yeah like I guess the job is like going okay, you know. Like today I guess the kids were all like making too much noise and like the principal like called me out to like the hall and told me to like make them be like all quiet and stuff."
Yes, this puddin'-for-brains is a teacher. She. Teaches. Children.
The couple in line behind her were already smirking at her fractured bimbo-speak. When I told them "She's a teacher", using a disapproving tone normally reserved for calling out crack whores, the looks on their faces combined amusement, sadness, and fear.
She may have heard us mocking her as she made her way toward the exit, but I doubt it since she was in the middle of that Mensa teleconference.
14 Comments:
Can I hire this woman as a private tutor for my daughter? Seems like a good way to prevent her from becoming more intelligent than me, I'm sick of smart-ass kids.
Oh lord. She reminds me of a girl I took a class with who gleefully announced she was going to nursing school "to marry a doctor and become a stay-at-home-mom!" ::headdesk:: We mocked her a lot but she never realized we were doing it, so I'm thinking Puddin' for brains is none the wiser.
The important question is, did she have big cans?
And she probably talks DOWN to the parents
Todd,
Your home town competition.
http://www.louisvillefreeface.com/index.htm
You weep. I throw up.
YIKES.
I've been trying to tell you! Do you believe me now?
Todd,Like i um think she you know talks like all normalish.
I believe the children is our futures?
I worked with girls like that. If it makes you feel any better, they never make it. They usually quit and become cashiers at liquor stores.
eden,
you don't want your daughter to be so dumb she can't feed herself.
ambitious,
I wanted to become a doctor just because I like chicks in nurse uniforms, but there's all that science stuff you have to get through.
vast,
she was an attractive young lady, but her heavy winter coat prevented me from accessing the size of her cans.
ubie,
"Parents? They're like all old and stuff."
p,
that guy could be a genius. Or the anti-Christ.
dguz,
sorry about that.
pants,
23 skidoo.
jo,
are you ever wrong?
tracy,
like totally.
pants,
a mind is a terrible thing.
scarlet,
she's much too attractive to be a cashier where I work.
Yup. I have a colleague who's a few classes away from being a K-8th grade teacher. Her vocabulary is probably at a 9th grade level. Her grammar skills are pathetic. I frequently correct and edit her essays (by request!). That being said, she's very nice, I like her, and she's definitely passionate about teaching. I just question her ability and knowledge!
As a recovering school teacher, I can tell you that the profession is rife with little Barbie dolls. Principals love them. Principals don't like people like me, who have actual life experience, and might even question their judgement. It's why I left.
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