Okay, I was going to do one of those rundowns of the Academy Awards telecast, but I just found out today that The Dark Knight wasn't nominated for Best Picture. Really? Are you fucking serious? Hey, I don't follow these things closely; I just assumed that the best movie of 2008 would get nominated. Silly me.
Really, I was going to be pissed if it didn't win, so you can only imagine how livid I am now. Instead of an Academy Award recap, you're just getting some random thoughts.
-Hey Saturday Night Live, are you trying to tell me that after all these years you can't find a funnier black guy than Keenan "Goodburger" Thompson? How many half-assed impressions of black celebrities and political figures is America going to have to sit through before SNL holds a simple open audition for someone who doesn't suck as much?
-I'm taking the position that 99% of cigar smokers are self-important assholes. Today at work this short, chubby balding guy complained because his cheap stogies went up in price by a whopping ten cents apiece. I wanted to say to him "That's what you get for stealing Woody in Toy Story 2."
-All right, they just gave Heath Ledger the Best Supporting Actor Oscar, so they got something right. Now I can turn the channel before the travesties of justice begin.
-Really. The Dark Knight not being nominated for Best Picture is like Julia Roberts not being nominated for Best Looking Woman Who Fucked Lyle Lovett.
-Sorry, that's all I have. I've been sick the last few days.
Really, I was going to be pissed if it didn't win, so you can only imagine how livid I am now. Instead of an Academy Award recap, you're just getting some random thoughts.
-Hey Saturday Night Live, are you trying to tell me that after all these years you can't find a funnier black guy than Keenan "Goodburger" Thompson? How many half-assed impressions of black celebrities and political figures is America going to have to sit through before SNL holds a simple open audition for someone who doesn't suck as much?
-I'm taking the position that 99% of cigar smokers are self-important assholes. Today at work this short, chubby balding guy complained because his cheap stogies went up in price by a whopping ten cents apiece. I wanted to say to him "That's what you get for stealing Woody in Toy Story 2."
-All right, they just gave Heath Ledger the Best Supporting Actor Oscar, so they got something right. Now I can turn the channel before the travesties of justice begin.
-Really. The Dark Knight not being nominated for Best Picture is like Julia Roberts not being nominated for Best Looking Woman Who Fucked Lyle Lovett.
-Sorry, that's all I have. I've been sick the last few days.
5 Comments:
that was the strangest... oscars... ever. i felt like i was on acid as hugh jackman danced his way into oblivion.
That Goodburger guy sucks. I didn't see that slum movie. Was it ever even out in theaters? Dark Knight was the best movie I saw this year. I hate the Academy Awards, not because it is boring, but because it is one of the largest gatherings of self righteous ultra liberal douchebags in the world. Anyway, get well bro!
I second the motion re: cigars.
Except for my brother in law, who is horribly addicted to nicotine but who doesn't want to smoke cigarettes.
Isn't The Dark Knight the only movie you saw this year?
However you want to say it, it's all the same to me.
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