There is nothing difficult about blogging. Really, any schmoe can do it, as this very blog has proven since 2005. However, there is a slimy underclass of sub-schmoe, the kind who vote multiple times on American Idol and are actually intrigued when they see Dane Cook's name above the title of a film. They have a vacant look about them and their collective breath reeks of Olive Garden's Zuppa Toscana.
To these dolts, blogging was just too darn complicated, what with the paragraphs and all. This being America, there is always a safety net for devotees of the lowest common denominator. In the online world, that safety net is Twitter.
Finally, thanks to Twitter, I can know what everyone is doing at all times! And it takes no creative effort on their part to inform me. Could life get any more living-worthy?
Well, there is a tiny fringe group of the sub-schmoe set, the people who ate paste as children and think Michael Jackson is innocent. What are they to do with Twitter's imposing 140 character limit? They're too busy getting Larry the Cable Guy tattoos and home schoolin' their youngins to deal with such a Tolstoyesque literary demand. I'm here to rescue them.
World, I give you "Todder". Yeah, the name sucks but I invented this crap so I get to name it. What is Todder? One character. One lousy character. That's all you get or deserve. For example, say a girl you know sends you this Todder:
F
What does it mean? Jesus, do I have to do everything for you? Obviously, she was finger-banged by the night manager at the hog rendering plant and graded the experience an "F" because the pig shit under his nails gave her a nasty 'giner infection. Duh.
-Despite the title and content of this post, I'm going to continue to blog, at least for now; but when Todder makes me a millionaire I'm outta here.
In other words, I'll be blogging for a long time.
To these dolts, blogging was just too darn complicated, what with the paragraphs and all. This being America, there is always a safety net for devotees of the lowest common denominator. In the online world, that safety net is Twitter.
Finally, thanks to Twitter, I can know what everyone is doing at all times! And it takes no creative effort on their part to inform me. Could life get any more living-worthy?
Well, there is a tiny fringe group of the sub-schmoe set, the people who ate paste as children and think Michael Jackson is innocent. What are they to do with Twitter's imposing 140 character limit? They're too busy getting Larry the Cable Guy tattoos and home schoolin' their youngins to deal with such a Tolstoyesque literary demand. I'm here to rescue them.
World, I give you "Todder". Yeah, the name sucks but I invented this crap so I get to name it. What is Todder? One character. One lousy character. That's all you get or deserve. For example, say a girl you know sends you this Todder:
F
What does it mean? Jesus, do I have to do everything for you? Obviously, she was finger-banged by the night manager at the hog rendering plant and graded the experience an "F" because the pig shit under his nails gave her a nasty 'giner infection. Duh.
-Despite the title and content of this post, I'm going to continue to blog, at least for now; but when Todder makes me a millionaire I'm outta here.
In other words, I'll be blogging for a long time.
13 Comments:
Promise me you won't ever leave blogging.
L
Brilliant.
I mean, "B."
Thanks to you, I am now thinking about what sort of infection one would get in one's delicate lady parts from the finger of a hog-renderer.
I hope you're pleased with yourself.
Paste is yummy.
Every time you post F, I will post U. It'll be our little secret.
A
(is for awesome)
D
Damn Funny.
I love Todder.
Todder is already so five minutes ago. Too many syllables.
Time for "I"!
I was just talking to a friend about the decline of blog quality since Facebooking and then Twittering became all the rage. I Facebook-- mostly because it's helped me find some long lost friends, but I'll be damned if I Twitter. Blogging is enough of a time suck as it is, but it requires some actual thought and content.
personally i've come to prefer twitter because facebook has become the bastion of completely inane quizzes THAT ALL MY F'ING FRIENDS TAKE ALL THE F'ING TIME!also, have you seen shaq's tweets? that man is adorable!
H
This is because my world is off kilter today due to the massive hangover I earned last night drinking with a bar owner who was nice, but obviously wanted a roll round.
So yeah, H.
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