Friday, April 10, 2009
Unhinged rant, anyone?
To paraphrase Full Metal Jacket's Gunnery Sergeant Hartmann, "The Kentucky Senate is the kind of legislative body that would fuck my city in the ass and not have the god damn common courtesy to give us a reach-around."

Allow me to explain. Recently, the federal government was kind enough to give the undeserving state of Kentucky 440 million dollars in stimulus money. I expected a windfall for the city of Louisville, which is the economic center of the Commonwealth of Kentucky. Sure, being the economic center of Kentucky is kind of like being the least douchey person at a Dane Cook concert, but it is what it is.

I must have had that twenty-four hour retarded thing that's going around to actually think that the hillbillies who run this backwoods-ass state would miss an opportunity to cornhole Louisville. They were nice enough to give us eight percent of the money. EIGHT PERCENT. And I'm sure if we don't properly pucker up to these yahoos they'll dismiss us as spoiled city folk.

Well, this is one spoiled city folk who is tired of pretending to tolerate the hicks who make this state a fucking national joke. And I'm not talking about the average yokel who is too poor and uneducated to know better. My rage is directed at their political leaders.

According to this editorial, Republican Senate President David Williams made sure his district got the largest percentage of federal money, eighteen percent for 78,000 people.

Let's take a look at Senator Williams's district here. What are they going to do with all of that money, build a wall around their shitty little towns to keep the Tennesseans out? While they're at it, why not give every one of them a solid gold corncob pipe?! Who the fuck cares about Louisville and our crumbling infrastructure. Hell, when one of our ancient bridges collapses and dumps hundreds of rush hour drivers into the Ohio River, we'll get a mention on national TV!!!

In a crazy coincidence, the second largest percentage went to the district of Democrat Ed Worley, the Kentucky Senate Minority Leader. Here's his insignificant district. You get that same picture when you do a Google Images search for "middle of nowhere".

And really, I'm not a heartless bastard. This wouldn't bother me as much if the money actually went to improve the quality of life in rural Kentucky. But it won't. It never gets to the people, at least in a significant way. That federal money will be used to line the pockets of rural politicians and their corporate friends. How do I know this? I live in this fucking state, that's how I know. All of the taxes collected from the city of Louisville for all of these years, and the politicians never use the money to help people out in the state. For example, do you think they're going to protect coal miners? Fuck and no. Making their jobs safer and less cancer-y would cut into coal company profits. Not gonna happen. And forget about improving adult education. The powers that be like their constituants scared and illiterate. It's easier to steal from them that way.


Blogger lp said...

great post. i don't know a lot about kentucky politics because, to be frank, the few things people "in the know" have told me make me not want to. i fear i will just end up exasperated like you.

then again, what, if anything, can be done to change the current system (where i hear if you leave a sack of $10k on certain people's doorsteps you'll get the votes you want)?

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

Oh, I see. "It's THAT friendly" is sarcastic!

I guess I underestimated the snarkiness of these esteemed leaders.

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

True story: R. Lee Ermey ad-libbed his boot-camp scene, and Stanley Kubrick did not know what a reach-around was. He stopped filming, asked Ermey what it meant, Ermey told him, Kubrick laughed and rolled again.

World of shit. Sounds like you're in it.

Blogger foundinidaho said...

Sadly, Idaho is much the same way. Sucks, doesn't it? I come from the rural part of the state and live in the urban part. And we're all getting screwed. By people who are greedy and political.

Watch someone blame this behavior on the fact there IS a stimulus package. They will.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

This is why America is the greatest nation on earth.

Blogger Johnny Yen said...

I guess it's appropriate that Kentucky voted for McCain/Palin. Arizona and Alaska are amongst leaders in the country in the "Federal dollars recieved/Federal dollars sent" ratio.

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