A plea to In-n-Out

I don't remember the exact date, because at the time I didn't realize the historic significance, but one day in late 2002 I ate at the In-n-Out Burger pictured here, located on Sunset Rd. in Henderson, NV. It would be the first of many trips to this fast food paradise.

Is In-n-Out the best burger I've ever had? No. But it is BY FAR the best fast food burger. On my recent trip to Las Vegas my brother and his lovely wife took me to an In-n-Out* and I had a Double Double with grilled onions, hold the tomato. Boy, those are some good burgers.

I have now decided to publicly lobby to have an In-n-Out open in Louisville. Yes, I realize that In-n-Out has been around since 1948 and are only located in California, Nevada, Arizona, and parts of Utah. It would be crazy of them to expand eastward and ignore New York, Chicago, Philly, Boston, etc.

But that's what I'm asking them to do.

In-n-Out is not your typical fast food chain. They use quality ingredients, keep their locations spotlessly clean, pay their employees much better than average, and offer benefits. They like to go against the flow, so I think expanding to Louisville is the next illogical step.

Yeah, they could open in NYC. Oh, how bold that would be! "Look, there's an In-n-Out in Manhattan. Maybe Alex Rodriguez will take a stripper here and go all 'roid-ragey on the counter help." The fine people at In-n-Out don't need a chemically hazed, overpaid douchebag and his hookers-in-training tramping up their establishment.

-Chicago? They'd have to deal with Nick.

-Philly? They don't need that kind of heartache.

-Boston? Two words: Dane Cunting Cook.

Why Louisville? Because I'm asking nicely, that's why. And Louisville is the home of Lebowski Fest, and In-n-Out is referenced in The Big Lebowski. You can't have a Lebowski Fest and then have a bunch of drunks head over to Steak and Shake. It's just wrong.

Uh...please?



*While I was enjoying my burger, I could hear a guy at the next table say to a female dining companion "I'll tell you who has a good burger...Del Taco."

DEL FUCKING TACO?!?!? To say that place serves dog food is an insult to the hard working men and women who grind up horse intestines to make food for dogs. I know it's an opinion, but sometimes an opinion is just plain stupid!

Really? Del Taco? To the uninitiated, Del Taco is a West Coast "Mexican" fast food chain that makes a bean burrito from Taco Bell taste like the culinary masterworks of renowned chef Rick Bayless. Unlike Taco Bell, they also feel the need to bastardize hamburgers and fries.

I wanted to punch that guy in the throat. But I didn't, because that's not behavior befitting Louisville's No. 1 In-n-Out Burger advocate.