Monday, May 25, 2009
Fear their t-shirts!

Every sports fan base will wear t-shirts to support their favorite team, but University of Kentucky fans have to be the t-shirt-wearingest motherfuckers on the planet.

This t-shirt celebrates the fact that Kentucky fired their semi-retarded basketball coach, a man with the personality of an anvil, and replaced him with John Calipari; a good coach, a great recruiter, and someone I've despised for well over a decade.

Predictably, since God hates me, Calipari has quickly assembled the best set of recruits since John the Baptist and Jesus played for Jerusalem U back in the year 27. I guess that explains the "Fear Our Future" part of the t-shirt.

Are you all afraid? Because you should be very very afraid! I expect this very conversation to occur in households throughout the country:

"Are you ok? You look like you just saw a ghost."

"No. I'm not ok. I'm frightened. I'm just plain scared, is all."

"Worried about losing your job? Is there a health concern I should know about?"

"No, it's worse. Much worse. The...(begins sobbing)...the John Calipari era has started at Kentucky."

"OHMYGOD! NO! Sweet lord above this isn't happening. What have we done to deserve such a fate?"

"You know what we have to do, don't you?"

"Yes. We have to kill ourselves."

"I'll get the knives."

And I'll go ahead and guess the "Envy Our Past" sentiment doesn't apply to the brief tenure of the aforementioned moron coach they just canned. Nobody envies that, not even prisoners.

Should fans of really shitty teams wear t-shirts that read "Laugh at Our Past. Weep for Our Future"? That would be the new hipster uniform faster than you can down a cold PBR!

In order to explain this t-shirt, it should be noted that Louisville coach Rick Pitino is also Italian, but apparently a lesser Italian than Calipari. Damn the rapier wit of the University of Kentucky athletic department!

Seriously, since Calipari seems to have a creepy Single White Female-ish obsession with Pitino, he probably designed this himself.

I eagerly await t-shirts proclaiming the team's star forward, Patrick Patterson, "The Best Black Guy in Kentucky." And by "eagerly await" I mean "dread".


I thought Jesus and John the Baptist played for Jerusalem U in 22'. I will have to get you one of those shirts along with that Screech Saved By The Bell Pillow you've been wanting for your Birthday.

Blogger Tracy said...

Ooh! Is it one of the cuddly, huggable body pillows?!

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

I live every day in fear of Kentucky.

Yes, Tracy, it is. He picked it out at Spencer Gifts.

Blogger Secretariat said...

You'll probably LOVE the shirts at

Blogger Tracy said...

I just hope it's washable!

Unfortunately, it is dry clean only.

Blogger Aunt Jayne said...

This is great -- in Lexington KY you'd think the arrival of JC is the second coming of JC.

Hope this deal was worth $40M :-(

Blogger Moxie said...

Clearly, any group of individuals who would choose a cat for a mascot is sick and depraved.

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