Friday, July 03, 2009
Never dating again
A few weeks ago I went on a match.com date to see The Hangover, the funniest movie I've seen in recent years. My date had an annoying laugh. Yeah. Uproarious Comedy + Annoying Laugh = Me Contemplating Suicide.

And it wasn't just a little annoying. Imagine the laugh of Amy Pohler as Hillary Clinton, mixed with an air raid siren and the braying of a diseased jackass. Hell's soundtrack now has its first single, folks.

Did I pull a Jerry Seinfeld and stop dating this woman because of her terrible laugh? Of course not. We really didn't like each other that much. If we had clicked, I just would have avoided taking her to comedies. Or ever saying anything even remotely amusing, ever.

Her: "Let's see a movie. How about the new Will Farrell film?"

Me: "Not in the mood for that...Hey, there's a midnight showing of Schindler's List."

I'm done with internet dating. In fact, I can't imagine myself ever planning another date of any kind. I no longer have the patience to try to break through the impenetrable shield put up by the women who'll agree to go out with me. And I'm getting really really old, so pretty soon I'll have to start dating ladies who wear applique sweatshirts, the Murder, She Wrote of garments; and I'm way too immature to handle that.


12 Comments:

Don't give up bro.

Blogger Alison said...

The Murder, She Wrote of Garments? I've been laughing about that (non-annoyingly) for the past 5 minutes. Thanks.

Blogger TubbyAZ said...

BTW, your link to Jessica Alba's nipple is broken.

Which is a shame, because I really really like her nipple...

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

Don't give up! Don't forget about the divorced ladies who go back on the market.

Blogger lp said...

i really don't know why you're bagging on applique sweatshirts. i love mine.

Blogger Lushy said...

Dating sucks. I declared dating retirement after going out on a date with the Headless Wonder. I didn't need to know his full medical history, including the fact that he was born without a cranium, within the first 10 minutes of meeting him. Unfortunately, that was the high point of the night.

Blogger Sara the Great said...

I'm with you pack it in and get a cat.

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

You should totally go on an eHarmony date. Especially if you've completely lied on your profile. That's blogging worth PAYING for.

Blogger True said...

I feel your pain. There are way too many freaks online. I attracted all the crazies. But at least they make for good blog topics :)

Blogger teri said...

You are too witty/intelligent/funny to give up. I would so date you if I hadn't found my husband ten years ago on the net. Had to date about 350 losers before I found him, so you have about 349 to go. Sometimes it helps to talk on the phone first, so you can be witty and see if the laugh is one you can live with. Good luck!!!

Blogger anthony-p said...

I think I saw that sweater being made on PBS.

Blogger jojo said...

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