Saturday, July 04, 2009
Top Ten Reasons Sarah Palin Resigned as Alaska's Governor
10. New permanent guest host on Letterman's show.

9. Reading "every magazine, all of 'em" is god damn time consuming!

8. Nothing says "Presidential Frontrunner" more than not being able to finish one term as the leader of a sparsely populated icebox.

7. Has already killed all of the moose in Alaska, so watch out Montana.

6. Needs time to cover up Bristol's torrid affair with Alex Rodriguez.

5. Sarah's special brand of wilful ignorance too powerful to be contained by a single state.

4. Her self-help book, "How to Exploit Your Children for Personal, Financial, and Political Gains" isn't going to write itself.

3. Needs to move somewhere else to expand repertoire of folksy colloquialisms.

2. Her husband wants to move to a place more likely to secede from the United States.

1. Hey, governorin's hard.


11 Comments:

I knew you'd do something like this. Actually pretty funny bro. I like #1 my self. I wish you would have incorporated the use of "Doin' it Willie Jeff style" in there, but pretty damn good. I always thought you were better than the Lettermen people at writing Top 10 lists. Keep em' coming, as I will need something to laugh at when Obama's impending 20% inflation rate hits.

Blogger foundinidaho said...

You forgot "needs time to try and look smart for the next Katie Couric interview". Then again, that could take forever.

Blogger Übermilf said...

I've never been good at Schadenfrude. In fact, I doubt I just spelled it correctly.

Public Relations 101 classes (which I've taken, so I'm not just guessing here) teach you to make an announcement you'd rather cover up on a weekend, preferably a holiday weekend.

If this was some deliberate ploy, she would've saved it for a different day.

I strongly suspect something bad has happened, or is happening. And I know this isn't a typical stance, but I feel a little sympathy for her because she was picked by a power structure to be a symbol, a saleable commodity, when she's really a human with a pretty goofy family to cause her headaches.

But part of me DOES want to grab a box of popcorn to watch the whole thing unravel. She did accept the job, after all.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Ubie,
if she resigned because she or someone in her family is seriously ill, I'll take this post down. If it's because of an affair or political scandal or another pregnancy, it stays up.

Blogger Tracy said...

Or perhaps

Wants to spend more time with the family....sittin' on the porch looking at Russia?

Blogger Übermilf said...

Oh, I'm not saying to take it down, believe me.

I'm also betting it's not something like an illness, which she would milk indefinitely, given her past record.

I'm guessing it's something reeeaaaallly embarrassing. Probably cringe-worthy.

But I have no idea. It's just that when people come down, even if they deserve it, I still feel bad for them. I can't help it.

I felt sorry for Madoff when he was walking down the street and people were yelling and slapping at him.

Blogger notmuchofacook said...

So glad you're posting every day.
Send your top 10 in to Dave--and make him pay you. Love your blog.

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

I'm hearing rumbles that Palin's house was allegedly built by the same company that built the sports complex in Wasilla, which would be a huge conflict of interest. Also, that company allegedly had ties to Ted Stevens as well.

I'm not going to pull a wingnut and pretend this particularly outrages me. But if it's true, she could face jail time. And all of this would make perfect sense.

Blogger Sysm said...

Todd,

You have to read this: http://tinyurl.com/klqojg

My third grader has a better grasp of sentence structure than Governor Palin.

Blogger Johnny Yen said...

You betcha!

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

Anything to make her go away.

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