It should have been you, Spade. It should have been you.

There's a new commercial for Direct TV staring the late Chris Farley and his alleged best friend, David Spade. It features old footage of Farley from the film Tommy Boy. He does his "fat guy in a little coat" routine as Spade shills for satellite television, saying "I could be at home watching Direct TV. Instead (points in the direction of his dead best friend), I'm stuck with that." He also calls the late comedian "tons of fun", because that's how loathsome vultures treat their deceased pals.

Way to go Spade, you corpse-raping midget. I know Chris Farley died a long time ago, and I don't expect David Spade to be in a constant state of mourning; but for fuck's sake, is he so bereft of options to continue the shit stain that passes as his career he has to posthumously insult Farley for a quick payday?

Yes, Chris Farley ate, drank, and drugged his way to an early grave. I'm not suggesting he was a hero or should even be an object of your pity. But he was sometimes funny, which is more than that smarmy fuck David Spade can claim. To this day, despite years of appearances in unfunny movies and TV series, David Spade is still primarily known as Chris Farley's smartass sidekick.

Every day David Spade wakes up and doesn't have to go down to a bus station and blow strangers for cash, he should thank God he met and befriended Chris Farley. He should also have the humility to realize that he only gets to fuck hot twentysomething girls because he's a pseudo-celebrity and they have low self-esteem, but that's for another post.

Whenever I think about Phil Hartman and Chris Farley being dead while David Spade lives, it makes me want to toss a dwarf through a plate glass window.