Every once in a while, despite management's best efforts, I'm afforded a cashier who is not only competent at the job, but actually cool. Our latest minor miracle, whom I'll call "Linda" for the purpose of this story, recently moved to town from Albany, New York.
The other night a few of us went out drinking after work, and Linda told us a really heartwarming story. The night before, she visited a local dive bar near her apartment. To paraphrase:
"So I'm at this bar waiting to use the bathroom, and I'm waiting and waiting, and this guy walks out of the women's room. I was like 'What the fuck?' but I had to go so I went in, and there was a dime-sized cumwad on the toilet seat."
Yeah, so the guy beat it in a public ladies room. Welcome to Louisville, Linda.
I'm sorry, but "dime-sized cumwad" is the funniest thing I've ever heard. It is now my go-to expression, as in "I don't give a dime-sized cumwad" or "He's got a dime-sized cumwad where his soul should be." I'm easily amused and this is providing me with hours of entertainment.
Oh, and I honestly don't know if "cumwad" is one word or two, but "cumwad" just looks funnier than "cum wad".