I've never understood why Tiger Woods is such a big deal. He's good at golf. Golf. Not a sport, not a sport, a hobby. Golf. He's almost a billionaire because he's good at a hobby. Why not bestow near-billionaire status on someone who's really good at collecting stamps or excellent at solving crossword puzzles? Can I get hundreds of millions of dollars for drinking beer while watching NFL football? It's kind of a hobby of mine, after all...
Also, Charles Barkley, who is Tiger's friend, says that Tiger doesn't tip when they go out. Really? You've been handed a billion dollars for excelling at what normal people do to kill time after they retire from real work, and you can't give a few of those dollars to those who actually have a job? Fuck you.
However, this past week I was watching television and a breaking report said that Tiger was in "serious condition" after a car wreck near his house. I really felt bad. Honestly, I did. Just because a guy has a shitload of totally undeserved money and stiffs waitstaff, that doesn't mean I want him to die in a car crash.
Thankfully, he was never in serious condition. The official, Nike-approved story said that he was leaving his house in the middle of the night and ran his car into a fire hydrant and a tree. His loving wife ran outside, conveniently carrying one of his golf clubs, and smashed out the vehicle's back window to free him from a moderately damaged "death trap".
Internet news sites that don't suck at Nike's corporate teet are calling bullshit on that story. To them, it seems like a strange coincidence that this "accident" happened a day after adultery allegations surfaced.
I'm no reporter, nor do I play one on the internet, but it seems a lot more plausible that Tiger was leaving the house at that hour to get away from his wife, who was trying to smash his fucking head in. When he hopped in his car, she smashed the window out instead, causing him to drive erratically and crash.
Of course, if this blog is being read by a Tiger Woods/Nike attorney, this is pure speculation on my part and common sense is not admissible in a court of law. And I'm sure he's refusing to cooperate with police because he hates the spotlight so much. He's a real shrinking violet, that Tiger Woods.
So, special report that falsely claimed Tiger Woods was near death, thanks a lot for making me feel guilty for not liking this douchebag.