Wednesday, January 13, 2010
NBC and Jay Leno deserve one another
Back in the Fall, NBC decided to put Olive Garden America's favorite "funny" man, Jay Leno, in prime time five nights a week. They did this because they were (and still are) cash-strapped and bereft of fresh ideas. They polished a turd to a high shine, but it was still a big stinking dookie, and everyone knew it.

Conan O'Brien is unlike Jay Leno in that people under the age of eighty find him funny. NBC had been planning on giving him The Tonight Show for years, but when they finally did it they decided to undercut him with Jay's Flaming Shitburger Extravaganza, or whatever the fuck they call that televised abortion.

Jay's travesty got record low ratings, but NBC didn't care at first, because the show was cheap to produce and they were still making money. But then the local affiliates started to bitch about record low ratings for their 11pm newscasts, which was costing them lots of money. Instead of sending Jay off to die on an iceberg, like the wise Eskimos would have done, NBC decided to give him back his 11:30 slot. Conan can either start his show at midnight or eat shit. His decision.

Well, yesterday Conan told NBC to suck his ginger cock. He won't start his show at midnight. Good for him! NBC has a history of butt-raping actual talent to appease Jay Leno and the Bingo fans who love him. Johnny Carson, who made The Tonight Show an American institution, wanted David Letterman to take over for him, but NBC gave the job to Leno and ran Dave off. Now they're fucking Conan O'Brien up the ass and don't even have the common decency to give him a reach around.

And most of all, fuck Jay Leno. How much money does he need? How many palsied knock-knock jokes does he have to spoon feed to the easily amused? How many careers does he have to passive-aggressively destroy so can feed an ego that might actually be larger than his circus sideshow chin? Jay was given a chance to build his ratings when he took over The Tonight Show, and now he wants to deny Conan that same privilege. Jay's terrible ratings performance at 10pm led to poor ratings for Conan, yet Jay gets rewarded and Conan gets the shaft. Eat all of our dicks, Jay. Ladies, kindly don veiny strap-ons so Jay can eat those, too.


8 Comments:

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

I concur

And.

The good thing is, I can strap on the hugest, bulgiest cock in the universe!

Leno is a damn dime sized cumwad.

Blogger foundinidaho said...

I'm a Letterman fan myself, so I never watched Leno, and although I like Conan, I liked Letterman more. But I loved what Conan did. Good for you, man!

Blogger dizzy von damn! said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

Blogger dizzy von damn! said...

fuck that didn't work

try again


"LENO IS A PIECE OF ALL CAPS SHIT.

there have been a lot of hilarious takes on the subject, but thus far yours and this (http://blog.bigfatwhale.com/2010/01/12/jay-lenos-doctor/) are my favorites.

Blogger Stormin said...

I have always thought that Conan was way better, and far funnier.

I read today that he has had talks with Fox about a late night show. I would watch it in a heartbeat.

Blogger Lil Sass said...

T ~

This video is hilarious (and brilliant) and reminded me of you.

I couldn't agree with you more ... Jay Leno can choke on a cock!

S

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOQvsuJ5wIA

Blogger Dingo & The Baby said...

Conan's show has always been the funniest in late night. I am sure that he'll do just fine wherever he ends up.

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