Thursday, December 22, 2005
How's This: I Hope They Tortured Saddam Hussein

Saddam Hussein is now claiming he was tortured by Americans while awaiting trial. Good. Fuck him. I hope a bucktoothed private from the hills of West Virginia shoved a hot poker up Saddam's ass. Yeah, I'm going to lose my Amnesty International/Little Orphan Annie decoder ring for saying this, but I just don't care.

I believe Saddam, by the way. After all, who knows more about torture than this human cesspool? Saddam is a torture expert in the same way Charlie Sheen knows about high-priced whores.

I also hope Saddam doesn't receive a fair trial. I hope he receives the same treatment he dished out to so many people during his reign. He should be beaten daily, brought before a judge who already knows how he's going to rule, be found guilty, and have his head chopped off with a rusty axe for the amusement of drunken onlookers.

Let me state that this is not an endorsement of the war in Iraq. I don't think we should have invaded, but we did; and we captured Saddam. Now that we have him, we should let Marcelus Wallace and associates get medieval on his ass with a blowtorch and a pair of pliers.

I will give him credit for one thing: Having perhaps the biggest set of balls on the planet. For the Torture poster boy to complain about getting tortured takes one gargantuan sack.

Oh, and I don't think soldiers or other detainees should be tortured, only Saddam. For some reason, it makes me smile to think of him suffering.


28 Comments:

Blogger Egan said...

... and with that.. happy holidays gang. (insert drums)

It was great to see Bushy crying in his milk today when the Patriot Act only got a temporary extension. Fuck that asshole too. We ought to torture his by making him watch footage of Condy, Dick, and Scott try and woo the American public.

Blogger marie said...

I am glad he was tortured. He killed and tortured thousands of his fellow Iraqis.

I guess the cliche is true that what goes around comes around.

Blogger Nick said...

and puppies too! Fuck Puppies!

Blogger Rachel said...

LOL, I'll come back later when I am awake enough to think of a suitable comment, but that just made me laugh!

Blogger Brookelina said...

I think he should be subjected to grooming lessons by pre-operational trannies. First up, the eyebrows.

Blogger AWE said...

I would love to see the bastard get tortured more. Turn some of the families lose on him armed with tweezers and alcohol.

Blogger MadMondo said...

Hey - it's a show trial, so I'm expecting a variety of acts on stage. Tortured psychopath are in - clowns are so last year.

Blogger MoDigli said...

Two words: Karma, Baby!

And btw, Todd, I posted a link for you to some San Diego hostels that you could stay at for cheap. Read thru them and let me know what you think! (in the comments section of my last post.) I love youth hostels. THey help you save your money for more important things like drinking, eating, and other fun stuff!

God, he's sexy.

Blogger fyrchk said...

Didn't you know? We tortured him by forcing him to eat Doritos or Cheetos or whatever the hell it was he loved.

Blogger miss kendra said...

well, as much as part of me says, "two wrongs don't make a right," there's another part of me that's hearing, "two blah blah blah right."

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

Could we shear him like a sheep first and tape his ass cheeks together?

Blogger JJ said...

I agree with everything you said except the part about chopping his head off. They should lead him into a soccer stadium and get ready to chop his head off and then not do it. And they should do that every day until he's pretty sure they aren't going to do it and then they should chop off his dick.

Blogger The DogGrrrrl said...

Todd you smarmy bastard, all svelte and shit, every day you makes me love you more n' more.

Please come visit Joisey. Though, my friend, I mights be out there agin next monthlike.

Blogger The real me said...

Living in Canada (French Canada to boot!) I miss a lot of this news.
I suppose it would help if I actually read the paper but I had to go through a 12-step program because it was getting hazardous to my health.

Blogger Calzone said...

Who is that?? is that the dude that sold the bad acid?

Blogger yournamehere said...

egan,
Bush's tarnished legacy is his torture.

marie,
yeah, he's getting his.

nick,
so to you, Saddam equals puppies?

rachel,
I'm patiently awaiting your suitable comment.

brooke,
those eyebrows will one day become beautiful butterflies.

awe,
they should put his torture on pay-per-view.

Blogger yournamehere said...

mad mondo,
I hope Tony Bennett sings.

mo,
I don't know if I can handle a hostel. I'll check it out, though.

shaken,
he's looking for a another wife.

fyrchk,
yeah, but he got a bad tummy ache.

miss kendra,
we should feel that way, but none of us are Jesus, so Saddam's fucked.

Blogger yournamehere said...

tumbleweed,
we sure can!

jj,
even better.

doggrrrrl,
I'm still far from svelte. I'd love to see you again. Please come visit.

real,
French Canada? Then you're used to dealing with heartless despots.

calzone,
at first I thought he was the drummer from Foghat, but it turns out he slaughtered quite a bit of Kurds.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

I think he should be humiliated. I think we need to be creative with our punishments. Death has been... done to death.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Ubie,
he doesn't have to die, really, just suffer greatly. We need to go all Old Testament on him. Locusts, boils, we already killed his first born...

I like Tumble's sheep idea, but there are much more effective sheep tactics than mere cutting of wool.

Blogger Nick said...

JJ should be getting paid millions for ideas like that.

Blogger WunEyedDog said...

I was actually watching Pulp Fiction this morning before work. I nominate good old Dubya for some Marcellus Wallace action too.

Blogger Kitty said...

amen to that! He's an asshole with balls thats for sure.

Blogger n.v. said...

My parents are Christian Iraqis and think Hussein was the cream cheese. So what the fuck are the Kurds and all those oppressed minorities whining about? Shut the fuck up.

And please -- if you believe the spin that Hussein was "captured," just check out the mature date trees in the background of that original video.

Free Hussein!

Blogger n.v. said...

Oh and P.S. - fuck French Canada and the Conservatives, too.

P.P.S. - One love.

Blogger n.v. said...

And a pre-emptive 'fuck you' to all argumentative replies.

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