It is rare when you'll hear me say I'd rather be at work, but being healthy, even at work, beats being sick at home. The DMV was actually one of the highlights of my weekend. I got back from the DMV and obsessively blogged about my adventure just in time to watch my beloved Louisville Cardinals play the team I hate more than the fires of hell, the Kentucky Wildcats, in a little game of college basketball. Well, Kentucky dominated the game from start to finish. Guys who couldn't normally make a lay-up were raining threes and Louisville looked like the vastly overrated group of stiffs I feared they were.
Christ on a unicycle, I hate the University of Kentucky. When I was a little kid, five older boys jumped me. Those five inbred hilljacks beat me unmerciful. They blackened my eye, broke my nose, cracked a few ribs, and left me for dead in a drainage ditch; but I swear to God I'd cheer for them if they played Kentucky in basketball. It hurt more than the flu-like aches and pains that ravaged my body to see the Kentucky crowd delight in the slaughter. The place Kentucky plays, Rupp Arena, was named after infamous racist Adolph Rupp, by the way. Way to honor a fucking Nazi, you stupid motherfuckers. But I'm not bitter.
As of Sunday morning, I had not done any Christmas shopping, so despite feeling sick and medicine-addled I went to the nearest mall, the Galleria at Sunset (or as I like to call it, the Gonorrhea at Sunset). I wandered around in a daze for about an hour and left having bought ONE gift. Fuck. I shan't return to that shithole before January, so everyone else gets a gift from Target.
I got home in time to watch my favorite pro football team, the Dallas Cowboys, lose 35-7 to the Washington Redskins. It didn't really bother me, since I was still grieving from the Louisville game and almost unconscious from sickness.
I shouldn't watch TV again this weekend. I fear they'll preempt Family Guy for a Yes, Dear marathon.
Christ on a unicycle, I hate the University of Kentucky. When I was a little kid, five older boys jumped me. Those five inbred hilljacks beat me unmerciful. They blackened my eye, broke my nose, cracked a few ribs, and left me for dead in a drainage ditch; but I swear to God I'd cheer for them if they played Kentucky in basketball. It hurt more than the flu-like aches and pains that ravaged my body to see the Kentucky crowd delight in the slaughter. The place Kentucky plays, Rupp Arena, was named after infamous racist Adolph Rupp, by the way. Way to honor a fucking Nazi, you stupid motherfuckers. But I'm not bitter.
As of Sunday morning, I had not done any Christmas shopping, so despite feeling sick and medicine-addled I went to the nearest mall, the Galleria at Sunset (or as I like to call it, the Gonorrhea at Sunset). I wandered around in a daze for about an hour and left having bought ONE gift. Fuck. I shan't return to that shithole before January, so everyone else gets a gift from Target.
I got home in time to watch my favorite pro football team, the Dallas Cowboys, lose 35-7 to the Washington Redskins. It didn't really bother me, since I was still grieving from the Louisville game and almost unconscious from sickness.
I shouldn't watch TV again this weekend. I fear they'll preempt Family Guy for a Yes, Dear marathon.
14 Comments:
Is this a sports report? Awesome. Hey, hope you are feeling better. While we are talking sport, how about those University of Washintgon women winning the NCAA title? It was huge here in Seattle.
Getting sick and staying home is a mixed bag if you ask me. Nice to sit home and get paid for doing nothing, but you get ants in your pants and shit. Get well soon Todd.
oops... I forgot to mention it was a volleyball title those high flying girls won. As if anyone cared though.
Christ on a unicycle... get a mental image of that!!
I didn't leave my house once yesterday and I totally got ants in my pants. I hate being sick. Get better, Viva!
We missed you at the potluck. Hope you're feeling better today.
hope you feel better. i can bring you some soup if you want...
egan,
I'm stir crazy. I'm usually off on the weekends, but I took Monday off as well. I'm going crazy.
shaken,
aren't the Clippers doing better this year? For shame.
egan,
volleyball, huh? Last April when I was in Tempe, Az training for my job I was in an elevator with a few Baylor women's basketball players, in town for an NCAA regional game. I told them I thought they'd win the national championship (because one of them was very attractive, not because I knew anything about their team). Well, they did win the title, and I'd like to think my inspirational declaration was the springboard.
kat,
please come to Vegas and rub my head.
real,
if Christ can walk on water, he can master the unicycle.
livi,
"yes, dear" is the spawn of satan.
When you get to Vegas we must have drinks. We must, I tell you.
evil,
gee, I wonder if that has anything to do with Tubby's race?
pants,
you and kat both mentioned ants in your pants. Now I wish I was an ant. Ha.
cladeedah,
I feel a little better. I didn't think it would have been a good idea to share my germs at the potluck, but I'm sorry I had to miss it. Please don't take me off the guest list of the next gathering.
slutbag,
I would love some of your soup.
You need to get an addiction to prescription pills.
brooke,
I spoke to my "dumb team", and they seemed rather ambivalent about your inability to walk and chew gum at the same time.
That was their opinion, of course. I love you and wish you a speedy recovery.
evil,
as I said in my email, I'll be in Louisville New Year's weekend. The SEC loves black people who can play basketball and football. Black people who coach, not so much.
calzone,
I think you're right. My addiction to "barely legal" porn isn't getting it done.
Indie,
the best thing about living in Vegas is that the casinos and most bars have all the NFL games every Sunday. I try to stay away because of my diet, however.
You liked that phone call where i gave you false hope about UK losing, didn't you? I know that you hate UK even more than you hate Yes Dear....but i still love you.
Oh my merciful heavens. I knew you had grown up in KY, but I didn't realize the full extent of the damage. My human lived in Lexington for 3 years and nearly died. Died I tell you! Saint Pitino was there then, and we had to bathe in the holy water of his perspiration. Oh it was a terrifying time indeed.
Hope you feel better soon. Boogers are no fun.
shaken,
I keep waiting for the Clippers' annual twenty game losing streak.
malicia,
normally, I'd say, "You took the words right out of my mouth", but Shaken and I live in the same town and I don't want her to take out a restraining order against me.
amie,
you really thought they were going to lose. You know I love ya when I look past your UK-ness.
monkey,
your human lived in Lexington? Sorry to hear that.
shaken,
her blog is called the cunts. I love that; I really do.
shaken,
why are you up this early?
shaken,
I'm glad you managed to get through the day without faceplanting on your desk.
fritz,
did you just say only black people can play sports? I'd like to disassociate myself from that statement. No black people in Kentucky? Muhammad Ali is from Louisville, and he's the most famous black person on earth.
shaken,
you used the word "moist".
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