Monday, December 19, 2005
I would have rather been at work
It is rare when you'll hear me say I'd rather be at work, but being healthy, even at work, beats being sick at home. The DMV was actually one of the highlights of my weekend. I got back from the DMV and obsessively blogged about my adventure just in time to watch my beloved Louisville Cardinals play the team I hate more than the fires of hell, the Kentucky Wildcats, in a little game of college basketball. Well, Kentucky dominated the game from start to finish. Guys who couldn't normally make a lay-up were raining threes and Louisville looked like the vastly overrated group of stiffs I feared they were.

Christ on a unicycle, I hate the University of Kentucky. When I was a little kid, five older boys jumped me. Those five inbred hilljacks beat me unmerciful. They blackened my eye, broke my nose, cracked a few ribs, and left me for dead in a drainage ditch; but I swear to God I'd cheer for them if they played Kentucky in basketball. It hurt more than the flu-like aches and pains that ravaged my body to see the Kentucky crowd delight in the slaughter. The place Kentucky plays, Rupp Arena, was named after infamous racist Adolph Rupp, by the way. Way to honor a fucking Nazi, you stupid motherfuckers. But I'm not bitter.

As of Sunday morning, I had not done any Christmas shopping, so despite feeling sick and medicine-addled I went to the nearest mall, the Galleria at Sunset (or as I like to call it, the Gonorrhea at Sunset). I wandered around in a daze for about an hour and left having bought ONE gift. Fuck. I shan't return to that shithole before January, so everyone else gets a gift from Target.

I got home in time to watch my favorite pro football team, the Dallas Cowboys, lose 35-7 to the Washington Redskins. It didn't really bother me, since I was still grieving from the Louisville game and almost unconscious from sickness.

I shouldn't watch TV again this weekend. I fear they'll preempt Family Guy for a Yes, Dear marathon.


Blogger Egan said...

Is this a sports report? Awesome. Hey, hope you are feeling better. While we are talking sport, how about those University of Washintgon women winning the NCAA title? It was huge here in Seattle.

Getting sick and staying home is a mixed bag if you ask me. Nice to sit home and get paid for doing nothing, but you get ants in your pants and shit. Get well soon Todd.

My Lakers lost today. Douches.

Blogger Egan said...

oops... I forgot to mention it was a volleyball title those high flying girls won. As if anyone cared though.

Blogger katarina said...

I can't get ants in my pants when I feel like I'm going to die. Sick days are wonderful in a strange way.

I'm so sorry you're ill. You need someone to rub your head.

Blogger The real me said...

Christ on a unicycle... get a mental image of that!!

Blogger Livia said...

I hate Yes, Dear. I wonder why they took off repeats of Seinfeld to show that.

Things like this keep me away at night.

2 more weeks til I leave for LV!! I can't wait!

Blogger Evil Petting Zoo said...

I find it funny that no matter what Tubby does, if Rick Patino wanted back in at UK they'd oust him in a second.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

I didn't leave my house once yesterday and I totally got ants in my pants. I hate being sick. Get better, Viva!

Blogger Cladeedah said...

We missed you at the potluck. Hope you're feeling better today.

Blogger Slutbag said...

hope you feel better. i can bring you some soup if you want...

Blogger yournamehere said...

I'm stir crazy. I'm usually off on the weekends, but I took Monday off as well. I'm going crazy.

aren't the Clippers doing better this year? For shame.

volleyball, huh? Last April when I was in Tempe, Az training for my job I was in an elevator with a few Baylor women's basketball players, in town for an NCAA regional game. I told them I thought they'd win the national championship (because one of them was very attractive, not because I knew anything about their team). Well, they did win the title, and I'd like to think my inspirational declaration was the springboard.

please come to Vegas and rub my head.

if Christ can walk on water, he can master the unicycle.

"yes, dear" is the spawn of satan.
When you get to Vegas we must have drinks. We must, I tell you.

gee, I wonder if that has anything to do with Tubby's race?

you and kat both mentioned ants in your pants. Now I wish I was an ant. Ha.

I feel a little better. I didn't think it would have been a good idea to share my germs at the potluck, but I'm sorry I had to miss it. Please don't take me off the guest list of the next gathering.

I would love some of your soup.

Blogger Brookelina said...

I fell down and hurt myself today, so I don't really give a shit about your dumb team.

So there.

I'm sorry. I get very grouchy when I'm in pain.

Blogger Evil Petting Zoo said...

Todd! Shack me up over new years weekend!

Blogger Evil Petting Zoo said...

Are you trying to tell me that UK doesn't love black people? I thought the SEC as a rule loved black people.

Blogger Calzone said...

You need to get an addiction to prescription pills.

Blogger IndependentGrl said...

I went out shopping too since I couldn't get my Steelers on a tv in the comfort of my apt. But I came home to a Steeler win - woohoo - and found out that I am going to Heinz field for the first time on Jan. 1st. Sorry you had a crappy Sunday :-(

Blogger yournamehere said...

I spoke to my "dumb team", and they seemed rather ambivalent about your inability to walk and chew gum at the same time.

That was their opinion, of course. I love you and wish you a speedy recovery.

as I said in my email, I'll be in Louisville New Year's weekend. The SEC loves black people who can play basketball and football. Black people who coach, not so much.

I think you're right. My addiction to "barely legal" porn isn't getting it done.

the best thing about living in Vegas is that the casinos and most bars have all the NFL games every Sunday. I try to stay away because of my diet, however.

The Clippers are pwning this year. They are numero uno, tbh.

Blogger Malicia said...

I'd like to take shaken over my knee and spank her adorable little ass.

Blogger tango jellybean said...

You liked that phone call where i gave you false hope about UK losing, didn't you? I know that you hate UK even more than you hate Yes Dear....but i still love you.

Blogger Monkey said...

Oh my merciful heavens. I knew you had grown up in KY, but I didn't realize the full extent of the damage. My human lived in Lexington for 3 years and nearly died. Died I tell you! Saint Pitino was there then, and we had to bathe in the holy water of his perspiration. Oh it was a terrifying time indeed.

Hope you feel better soon. Boogers are no fun.

malicia, ooh lalalala

Blogger yournamehere said...

I keep waiting for the Clippers' annual twenty game losing streak.

normally, I'd say, "You took the words right out of my mouth", but Shaken and I live in the same town and I don't want her to take out a restraining order against me.

you really thought they were going to lose. You know I love ya when I look past your UK-ness.

your human lived in Lexington? Sorry to hear that.

her blog is called the cunts. I love that; I really do.

just talking about cunts gets me all excited


(also, why am i up this early? kthx)

Blogger yournamehere said...

why are you up this early?

dude, I could NOT sleep...and now I'm hating my life. Well, wait, I hate my life everyday, now I'm REALLY hating my life.

I'm about to faceplant on my desk.

Blogger FRITZ said...

What the hell was that all about? I'm such an anti-sports person that I want ALL those teams swung into a big pit and washed with liquid hot magma. Fuckers. Getting paid to catch a damn ball and run. Or jump or whatever.

Besides, only black people play sports well, and I didn't think any lived in Kentucky.

But being sick and trying to shop? Oh, hell to the no.

This is a little late, but it WAS fucking funny that Family Guy got staved off thanks to the True Number One Fuckhead George Fuckhead Bush talking about More Fucking Bullshit.

Talk about a douchebag.
Family Guy was great, though, yeah?

Fritz, clearly you haven't seen Chris Mihm on the big screen.

I'm getting moist just thinking about it. 7:30 tonight, FSN!

Blogger yournamehere said...

I'm glad you managed to get through the day without faceplanting on your desk.

did you just say only black people can play sports? I'd like to disassociate myself from that statement. No black people in Kentucky? Muhammad Ali is from Louisville, and he's the most famous black person on earth.

you used the word "moist".

Me too, and I'm STILL AT WORK. Fuck it, I'm going home. Laur's having a party tonight and I'm getting drunk. Shitty drunk. So drunk I hope I puke.

Also, it seemed fitting....haha, oh god.

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