Stupid Fucking Jackasses

Son of a bitch, the jackasses are out in force this holiday season. Why wasn't I born rich, so I could buy the top floor at the Hard Rock Hotel and only leave my dwelling for margaritas at Pink Taco and to scan the center bar for whores? But no, I have to go out among the moronic every fucking day of my life. Let's review the jackassery I've endured, either in person or through the media.

My work-related friend Michelle, who toils at one of the Home Depots I'm assigned to, was insulted by customers right in front of her face. They called her "stupid" in Spanish, which unbeknownst to them she speaks fluently. She smiled and told them, in Spanish, to fuck themselves. I laughed in their faces. I don't speak a word of Spanish, but laughing in someone's face is truly the universal language.
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Spending way too much time in Home Depot has lead to my discovery that a good number of construction workers have the habit of spitting indoors; and I'm not talking about a seed from an apple. This is god damn saliva, people. WHAT THE FUCK? Is there, at long last, no difference at all between human beings and filthy fucking animals? I truly believe we're about five years away from people pissing in the corners of public spaces. Did Satan just blow a load in your mouth? No? THEN DON'T SPIT INDOORS. You are about a hundred feet from a door that leads to the outside. If you must, spit there. Of course not all construction workers spit indoors, and I suppose some of the people buying a gross of concrete blocks at Home Depot at six in the morning aren't construction workers, but I know what I see every day.
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Some loser is suing Microsoft because his new XBOX 360 has a defect that causes it to freeze up. He's suing them. He isn't returning it to the store for an exchange or refund, HE'S CUNTFUCKING SUING THEM!!! Blogglandians, raise your hand if you wish upon every deity ever worshipped since the dawn of time that your biggest worry in life was an overpriced gaming machine that didn't work. This is a class action suit, by the way, so he'll soon be joined by several other wastes of life who just won't be able to live with the ten machines they already own until Microsoft gets around to fixing the glitch.

When the suit is filed, they need to hunt down every name on that list, line them up against a wall, and shoot each and every one of them in the fucking face. They need to do this on live television. Yeah, I said shoot 'em in the face, and don't even allow them proper burials. Put them in bags and toss them in a mass grave; it was good enough for Mozart.
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Mel Gibson's production company is producing a miniseries about the Holocaust. That's an odd choice, since Mel has been widely accused of being an anti-Semite, and his father is a Holocaust denier who collects Nazi paraphernalia. If they wanted a famous Jew-hater to produce the film, they should have tried again to thaw out Walt Disney.

In all fairness, maybe Mr. Gibson doesn't have a problem with Jews. Maybe the reason he practices a little-known form of radical Catholicism that doesn't absolve Jews for the death of Christ is because he likes their church picnics better. Who knows? Just don't be surprised if the miniseries is entitled Just Desserts.
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I heard a Christmas song today that was so slowly paced and dirge-like it sounded like the requiem at Santa's funeral. I don't know for sure who sang it, but I think it was Andre the Giant on horse tranquilizers.
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This just in: Lindsay Lohan is now so skinny she's moving to Nigeria to become a marathon runner.