Friday, July 14, 2006
Why, Sweet Merciful God? Why?

People will see this movie. It won't make "Pirates" money, but people will see it and line the pockets of the unfunny hacks responsible for it.

"FROM THE GUYS WHO BROUGHT YOU WHITE CHICKS"

That should be a warning to stay away, not a fucking selling point! White Chicks is the movie where Shawn and Marlon Wayans pretended to be "rich hotel heiresses" and got away with it. Yes, imagine two black men in bad wigs and makeup pretending to be Nicky and Paris Hilton. No one would notice, not even their parents or their numerous male suitors. "Hey, Paris, I've fucked you about a million times and I never noticed your ten-inch cock until today. Oh well, let's take the private jet to Vegas."

So now one of these guys is playing a midget criminal pretending to be a baby. I'm laughing already, and by "laughing" I mean "sneering in contempt at the stupidity of the movie-going public".

Hey, I enjoy a stupid comedy as much as the next guy, but Shawn and Marlon Wayans don't even try. This is the equivalent of those Ernest Goes to... movies from several years ago: Low budget, hastily filmed comedies aimed at people who laugh at everything they see.

I openly campaigned for all theatres showing Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift to be turned into makeshift gas chambers, killing anyone who paid money to view that shit. I only recommend a good boot to the ass to those who see Little Man because this film won't inspire drunken white trash teenagers to drag race on public streets. Still, I'm amazed at what passes as entertainment. Just seeing the trailer for this film made me a little dumber.


24 Comments:

Blogger Phain said...

This just makes me cry...

Blogger mk99 said...

Ditto my brother.

Blogger ginonymous said...

went to the movies today...the previews reinforced a couple things..they've run out of ideas for animated comedies, save as they pertain to bored eight-year-olds, and second..

oh lord, there's a new movie with both kevin costner (the original k-fed as far as i'm concerned) and ashton kutcher. neither one of them can act. i only hope the movie has explosions.

You know both this movie and Tokyo Drift were filmed right outside my office. I think my shitty highrise is the lodestar for crappy movies.

Blogger Nick said...

I bet it's better than Ghost World.

I'd rather slam my nuts in a hot waffle iron than see that putrid shit. Everyone who sees this movie should be forced to wear a scarlet "A" for Asshole.

Blogger katarina said...

That movie will never make it to my DVD player. I can't even watch the commercial. I just roll my eyes and change the channel.
They were good on In Living Color, but should've retired after that.

I'm not impressed.

Blogger Flounder said...

For some down time, I was thinking of getting a case of beer and a pizza and having a Police Academy marathon.

Hours upon hours of mindless entertainment.

I heard that they were making another installment of this classic series, but it will be hard to pull it off now that David "Tackleberry" Graf is dead.

Kinda like The Godfather, Part III without Robert Duvall.

No, exactly like that!

Blogger tlsd said...

OMG.... is that a real movie??? Why would ya? Eh? Why, why would ANYONE make such shite?!!!

I'd rather see this...

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

I didn't think Ghost World was bad.

Blogger yournamehere said...

le chat,
please don't weep. Dry those tears.

mk99,
yep.

ginonymous,
I liked The Untouchables, but since Costner can only play one part, they had to rewrite history to make Elliot Ness more Costner-like.

monkey,
your office highrise needs to be imploded. After you are safely evacutated from the building, of course.

nick,
then by all means, pay the nine dollars to see it.

vast,
crappy movies bring us all together. I like that.

kat,
who would have ever thought Jamie Foxx would emerge from that cast as the Oscar winner? Of course, now he thinks he IS Ray Charles.

flounder,
I didn't know Tackleberry died. When? How?

tlsd,
that picture scares me. Will Jessica have to remember a lot of lines? She's not so good at that.

pants,
Nick just likes to piss me off because about a year ago I said I'm not a huge fan of Futurama.

Blogger sonrisa morena said...

i agree!!! this movie looks so stupid!!! somebody has got to stop those two!!! please make them stop!!

Blogger Brookelina said...

Welcome to America, where mediocrity rules and stupidity makes millions.

Blogger ETaylor said...

You ask the right question in the title of this post..WHY? For the love of God...WHY?

Blogger The Lone Rangers said...

Why it's not a right to video movie I'll never know....oh wait ya I do..

It could have been worse. They might have cast their old "buddy" Jim Carrey as the midget/baby. Wait, little person/baby (I forgot to be PC for a moment, forgive me).

Seriously, though, they totally stole this idea. How many of you remember the midget burglar who pretended to be a baby and got the crap beat out of himself in one of those old Bugs Bunny cartoons? Raise your hands.

Blogger Arbusto said...

Which is more a crime against humanity: their movies or their old TV show on the WB now in reruns on BET?

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

I've got to read "The Fall of the Roman Empire."

There has to be something equivalent, only in togas, that signalled the end of their civilization.

P.S. to Nick: You're only making yourself look like a douche. Someone should cross-stitch that onto a throw pillow or something.

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

For once Todd....I totally agree with you on every single point! White Chics was stupid.....and I own Dumb and Dumber!!

Where is your drunk horny post?

Blogger Nick said...

I shouldn't have to apologize for not liking stupid fucking Ghost World, it was trite and poorly executed, but then again, so was the comic book.

I agree that the people responsible for the movie of which you speak, as well as White Chicks, should be bludgeoned to death with Armadillo skeletons.

For the record, I forgot about you not liking Futurama.

Blogger Arbusto said...

How can you not like Futurama?

Blogger Rachel said...

I didn't think there were words to describe the stupidity of this movie but you've managed nicely my love!

Lovin' you'

Blogger Lush said...

It's the emperor's new clothes - everyone knew it was shit but didn't say anything. IDIOTS.

Blogger n.v. said...

Fuck their lack of creativity, but I'd still let the one holding the midget eat my pussy.

Post a Comment

<< Home

footer