I had heard a lot about the M-TV series My Super Sweet Sixteen, which chronicles the planning of outrageously elaborate birthday parties for spoiled little cunts, but I hadn't witnessed the horror until this past weekend. I may never recover. Why the hell do I purposely engage in activities that anger up my blood? I couldn't look away; I watched four episodes before I thought I was going to have a stroke. It won't happen again.
Christ, where to begin? I have nothing against rich people buying shit for their kids. If I would have received a BMW for my sixteenth birthday, I could have shifted gears with my erection-of-absolute-joy. But these fucking parties are just "Hey, everyone look at me"-fests for teenagers so shallow and brainless they shouldn't be allowed to remain alive. I would like to see one episode where the father rents a nightclub, invites all of his daughter's friends, has the event catered by Wolfgang Puck, buys her a Rolls Royce, hires Usher to sing to her dressed as a platinum dollar sign, and then shoots her in the back of the head with a 9mm. The world would instantly become a better place.
One chick had been adopted by well-meaning rich folks when she was thirteen; they literally saved her from abject poverty. You'd think someone who came from hardship would have an ounce of humility, but in less than three years her adoptive parents had spoiled her until she was actually the least-likeable girl I saw, and that's saying something. For her own good, they should send her back to the dirty hovel from which she came.
My least favorite person was male. He's the son of record executive L.A. Reid, and he walked around with a false sense of accomplishment unprecedented in the annals of spoiled brat history. You'd think this fucking douche ran the record company. In a way, it was refreshing to see a rich black kid act as cringe-inducingly self-important as his white contemporaries; I'm sure this was the reason Dr. King gave his life.
Also, this stupid, arrogant fucking stain taught me a valuable lesson: Fat teenagers can be popular if they're rich. Yeah, not only did this punk have Donald Trump's inflated ego, he was also a big fat lump of dough. I was a fat teenager and I didn't have hundreds of hot girls begging to be invited to my sixteenth birthday party. I wonder why? Oh, that's right, my dad's not a multi-millionaire. I had to be a fat kid with all the normal social repricutions it entails. Not that I'm bitter...
Christ, where to begin? I have nothing against rich people buying shit for their kids. If I would have received a BMW for my sixteenth birthday, I could have shifted gears with my erection-of-absolute-joy. But these fucking parties are just "Hey, everyone look at me"-fests for teenagers so shallow and brainless they shouldn't be allowed to remain alive. I would like to see one episode where the father rents a nightclub, invites all of his daughter's friends, has the event catered by Wolfgang Puck, buys her a Rolls Royce, hires Usher to sing to her dressed as a platinum dollar sign, and then shoots her in the back of the head with a 9mm. The world would instantly become a better place.
One chick had been adopted by well-meaning rich folks when she was thirteen; they literally saved her from abject poverty. You'd think someone who came from hardship would have an ounce of humility, but in less than three years her adoptive parents had spoiled her until she was actually the least-likeable girl I saw, and that's saying something. For her own good, they should send her back to the dirty hovel from which she came.
My least favorite person was male. He's the son of record executive L.A. Reid, and he walked around with a false sense of accomplishment unprecedented in the annals of spoiled brat history. You'd think this fucking douche ran the record company. In a way, it was refreshing to see a rich black kid act as cringe-inducingly self-important as his white contemporaries; I'm sure this was the reason Dr. King gave his life.
Also, this stupid, arrogant fucking stain taught me a valuable lesson: Fat teenagers can be popular if they're rich. Yeah, not only did this punk have Donald Trump's inflated ego, he was also a big fat lump of dough. I was a fat teenager and I didn't have hundreds of hot girls begging to be invited to my sixteenth birthday party. I wonder why? Oh, that's right, my dad's not a multi-millionaire. I had to be a fat kid with all the normal social repricutions it entails. Not that I'm bitter...
16 Comments:
The "best" excuse for watching these shows, besides morbid fascination, is that it offers kids a chance to live vicariously through other (wrteched) people. Hey, I didn't say it was a GOOD reason!
When I think about it, I've kept very few truly wealthy friends in my life. The ones I have had grew into it, rather than being born into it. Natural selection, I guess.
if only they knew the individuals they could help with a fraction of what they spent on those silly parties.
and i'm not even talking about homeless people or anything... just regular people who can't seem to earn enough at any one time to utilize a savings account.
paycheck to paycheck, paid by the hour.
You don't sound bitter.
I saw that show one time and tried to wipe it clean from my memory. Thanks for reuniting me with it. I spent the whole time yelling at the tv.
Just so you know, Todd, that kid wasn't popular because of his parents' money. He actually has a tatoo of a naked lady on his stomach and he can make her dance.
That show cracks me up. Though I am a man of modest means, I still gives valuable parenting lessons to me.
I'll never forget when I got my license at 17 and my father handed me my very own set of keys to the family Granada.
Yeah, good times.
They're not really happy.
And it's worse for them, because the rest of us could think, "I'd be happy if I could travel anywhere, not worry about bills, and attract the opposite sex." They have no idea what to do about their unhappiness.
I have seen that show once. The episode I saw was of this snotty little jewish bitch that went to paris for her dress and her mom thought it was too racey and so the daughter pitched a fit infront of two friends that also were in Paris with her. She ended up getting the dress and during her party she ended up changing like four times. It was disgusting. Then she got some ridiculously huge vehicle for her birthday. Its horrible!!! And then to put it on tv.......
I spent the weekend watching decorating shows. I'm much happier for it.
I'm buying you a 15 year old girl for your next birthday Mr. YNH.
Hey, Vegas was fun man.
I was behind a fat daddy lexus once that had a license plate holder that said "Happy sweet 16th Brittney" - I had to stop myself from ramming my Jeep in to her multiple times.
These parents should be taken out and shot.
Yet another reason why I don't want cable... I did buy a digi-box last month though, so now I have more than 5 channels...
BTW... you turned out just great!
I've never seen the show, but now I feel compelled to watch it. I love getting unreasonably angry at people on TV...no, really. I'm sick.
ian,
it isn't even the parties, it's the attitude of these brats.
tits,
that kid needs an ass-kicking. A good beatdown might change his attitude.
kendra,
yeah. For example, I could use a couple of pair of jeans from Old Navy. You know, for the fall season.
nick,
we never sound bitter to one another, since we're both bitter.
kat,
that would be one hard dancin' woman, 'cause that kid is fatter than me, and I'm old.
flounder,
I remember when Ronald Reagan invaded your Granada.
ubie,
I think the teenagers are too stupid and empty to be unhappy. I think unhappiness requires a depth they just don't have.
The parents, on the other hand, are probably miserable.
randi,
if you take your child to Paris to shop, it's time to take an inventory of your life.
brooke,
decorating shows always point out my lack of style, and it depresses me.
egan,
are you trying to get the two of us arrested?
Seriously, that would be one unhappy teenager, having to sleep on the couch in the living room of a one-bedroom apartment. Her party would be at Chuck E. Cheese, and everyone pays their own way.
I'm glad you had fun. But I bet you wouldn't want to live there.
dawn,
they all need to be executed on live television.
artist,
all a party needs is cool people and booze, and these parties have neither.
cold hands,
way to rub all of our noses in the fucking carpet stain. You shoulda wrecked her.
solethoughts,
you know all of the good looking girls were making fun of him when the cameras weren't on.
rachel,
you are so hot when you're made. I'd like to watch that show with you, if you know what I mean.
john,
excellent points.
tlsd,
yeah, I turned out swell.
monalicious,
your shadow is hotter than most people I know.
You got that right Todd. It's a pretty depressing town. Great for a few days every now and then, but I'm not sure how you did it.
Getting arrested is a bad thing I suppose. You're right.
I'll buy you a snake if you wanna carry it around. And a platinum dollar sign dress.
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