Monday, July 10, 2006
Raising a mini-generation of worthless pieces of crap
I had heard a lot about the M-TV series My Super Sweet Sixteen, which chronicles the planning of outrageously elaborate birthday parties for spoiled little cunts, but I hadn't witnessed the horror until this past weekend. I may never recover. Why the hell do I purposely engage in activities that anger up my blood? I couldn't look away; I watched four episodes before I thought I was going to have a stroke. It won't happen again.

Christ, where to begin? I have nothing against rich people buying shit for their kids. If I would have received a BMW for my sixteenth birthday, I could have shifted gears with my erection-of-absolute-joy. But these fucking parties are just "Hey, everyone look at me"-fests for teenagers so shallow and brainless they shouldn't be allowed to remain alive. I would like to see one episode where the father rents a nightclub, invites all of his daughter's friends, has the event catered by Wolfgang Puck, buys her a Rolls Royce, hires Usher to sing to her dressed as a platinum dollar sign, and then shoots her in the back of the head with a 9mm. The world would instantly become a better place.

One chick had been adopted by well-meaning rich folks when she was thirteen; they literally saved her from abject poverty. You'd think someone who came from hardship would have an ounce of humility, but in less than three years her adoptive parents had spoiled her until she was actually the least-likeable girl I saw, and that's saying something. For her own good, they should send her back to the dirty hovel from which she came.

My least favorite person was male. He's the son of record executive L.A. Reid, and he walked around with a false sense of accomplishment unprecedented in the annals of spoiled brat history. You'd think this fucking douche ran the record company. In a way, it was refreshing to see a rich black kid act as cringe-inducingly self-important as his white contemporaries; I'm sure this was the reason Dr. King gave his life.

Also, this stupid, arrogant fucking stain taught me a valuable lesson: Fat teenagers can be popular if they're rich. Yeah, not only did this punk have Donald Trump's inflated ego, he was also a big fat lump of dough. I was a fat teenager and I didn't have hundreds of hot girls begging to be invited to my sixteenth birthday party. I wonder why? Oh, that's right, my dad's not a multi-millionaire. I had to be a fat kid with all the normal social repricutions it entails. Not that I'm bitter...


Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

The "best" excuse for watching these shows, besides morbid fascination, is that it offers kids a chance to live vicariously through other (wrteched) people. Hey, I didn't say it was a GOOD reason!

When I think about it, I've kept very few truly wealthy friends in my life. The ones I have had grew into it, rather than being born into it. Natural selection, I guess.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

Holy shit. I saw that one with L.A. Reid's kid, too, and it made me throw right up. What really put me over the edge was when he was auditioning hot girls to dance at his party. The thought of those poor, stupid women auditioning for the honor of bumping and grinding at some fat, rich teenager's birthday party made me weep for America. And then throw up.

Blogger miss kendra said...

if only they knew the individuals they could help with a fraction of what they spent on those silly parties.

and i'm not even talking about homeless people or anything... just regular people who can't seem to earn enough at any one time to utilize a savings account.

paycheck to paycheck, paid by the hour.

Blogger Nick said...

You don't sound bitter.

Blogger katarina said...

I saw that show one time and tried to wipe it clean from my memory. Thanks for reuniting me with it. I spent the whole time yelling at the tv.
Just so you know, Todd, that kid wasn't popular because of his parents' money. He actually has a tatoo of a naked lady on his stomach and he can make her dance.

Blogger Flounder said...

That show cracks me up. Though I am a man of modest means, I still gives valuable parenting lessons to me.

I'll never forget when I got my license at 17 and my father handed me my very own set of keys to the family Granada.

Yeah, good times.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

They're not really happy.

And it's worse for them, because the rest of us could think, "I'd be happy if I could travel anywhere, not worry about bills, and attract the opposite sex." They have no idea what to do about their unhappiness.

Blogger Randi said...

I have seen that show once. The episode I saw was of this snotty little jewish bitch that went to paris for her dress and her mom thought it was too racey and so the daughter pitched a fit infront of two friends that also were in Paris with her. She ended up getting the dress and during her party she ended up changing like four times. It was disgusting. Then she got some ridiculously huge vehicle for her birthday. Its horrible!!! And then to put it on tv.......

Blogger Brookelina said...

I spent the weekend watching decorating shows. I'm much happier for it.

Blogger Egan said...

I'm buying you a 15 year old girl for your next birthday Mr. YNH.

Hey, Vegas was fun man.

Blogger Dawn said...

Those parents and their offspring are all fucktards!

Blogger The Artist said...

all you haters are just jealous that your families are too poor to throw a REAL parties like they show on MSS16.

san dimas high school football rules!

Blogger Cold Hands said...

I was behind a fat daddy lexus once that had a license plate holder that said "Happy sweet 16th Brittney" - I had to stop myself from ramming my Jeep in to her multiple times.

These parents should be taken out and shot.

Blogger solethoughts said...

I love watching those shows. I keep waiting for a follow up when their parents have gone bankrupt and the kids have had to actually earn something.

I saw the episode on LA Reid's kid. I wish I could reverse my age and just kick his ass.

Blogger Rachel said...

I absolutely cannot stand that show and the spoiled little rich fuckers they highlight.

Go out and get a real fucking job ya sperm burping bitches instead of getting more false celebrity off of daddy's money, ya Paris Hilton wanna-be's.

Oh my gosh, the whole damn thing makes my blood boil...

Help me Todd!

Blogger Rachel said...

One more closing thought...


Hey, that sounds like a cool show. If I only had the money for cable or satellite TV, I'd probably never watch anything else. What's that? Sell this computer and get a TV? What are you, fu**ing stupid?

Blogger tlsd said...

Yet another reason why I don't want cable... I did buy a digi-box last month though, so now I have more than 5 channels...

BTW... you turned out just great!

Blogger Monalicious said...

I've never seen the show, but now I feel compelled to watch it. I love getting unreasonably angry at people on, really. I'm sick.

Blogger yournamehere said...

it isn't even the parties, it's the attitude of these brats.

that kid needs an ass-kicking. A good beatdown might change his attitude.

yeah. For example, I could use a couple of pair of jeans from Old Navy. You know, for the fall season.

we never sound bitter to one another, since we're both bitter.

that would be one hard dancin' woman, 'cause that kid is fatter than me, and I'm old.

I remember when Ronald Reagan invaded your Granada.

I think the teenagers are too stupid and empty to be unhappy. I think unhappiness requires a depth they just don't have.
The parents, on the other hand, are probably miserable.

if you take your child to Paris to shop, it's time to take an inventory of your life.

decorating shows always point out my lack of style, and it depresses me.

Blogger yournamehere said...

are you trying to get the two of us arrested?
Seriously, that would be one unhappy teenager, having to sleep on the couch in the living room of a one-bedroom apartment. Her party would be at Chuck E. Cheese, and everyone pays their own way.
I'm glad you had fun. But I bet you wouldn't want to live there.

they all need to be executed on live television.

all a party needs is cool people and booze, and these parties have neither.

cold hands,
way to rub all of our noses in the fucking carpet stain. You shoulda wrecked her.

you know all of the good looking girls were making fun of him when the cameras weren't on.

you are so hot when you're made. I'd like to watch that show with you, if you know what I mean.

excellent points.

yeah, I turned out swell.

your shadow is hotter than most people I know.

Blogger Egan said...

You got that right Todd. It's a pretty depressing town. Great for a few days every now and then, but I'm not sure how you did it.

Getting arrested is a bad thing I suppose. You're right.

I'll buy you a snake if you wanna carry it around. And a platinum dollar sign dress.

Blogger Blonde said...

I am addicted to that show. Why?: Because these stupid cunts will never be able to survive the real world when daddy loses all of his money some day.

Blogger Arbusto said...

I hate that show so much. I hate how the kids think they are hot shit just because their parents can buy my home town 3 times over. I hate how the parents are ruining their kids so that another generation of dingle fucks will reproduce and pass on shit for brains.

I need to stop. Just thinking about the show is painful enough.

Blogger Secret said...

Hey Todd, check out Dirty Jobs w/Mike Rowe. Wayyyyy more entertaining and makes you thankful for the job you do have!
I snap the TV off whenever I catch my kids watching that shit. So I haven't seen it. Lead by example, blah, blah....Just too fuckin' tired I guess. But, I hate me some spoiled kids. (P.S. I'm working on mine NOT to be that way, but it's hard today.)
Oh, and I'm not rich, so that helps!

Blogger FRITZ said...

I saw the one about that bitch cunt adopted kid. Her 'mother' flew her to fucking Paris--PARIS--to get a dress, and she wasn't happy with any of them.

I find myself watching those shows and thinking, "Holy shit. Just end the world NOW please dear GOD."

And then: my next question is: why the fuck can't I afford toothpaste and these motherfuckers can buy their sixteen year old brat a Beemer? It's not fucking right...

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