Monday, June 12, 2006
One more for the road...
I was on the Strip Saturday night, the last time I'll ever be there as an official local resident. I was standing at the bar ordering a drink when I had this approximate conversation with a girl seated to my left:

she: "You're tall. How tall are you?"

me: "Six-six."

she: "That's tall. Where are you from?"

me: "Louisville, Kentucky."

she: "Is everybody from Kentucky tall?"

me: "No, I'm the only one."

(Yes, in print she seems completely vapid; but in her defense, she did have some awesome tit-tays).

she: "I'm drunk...don't pay attention to me, I'm drunk. I'm short and I'm drunk."

me: "I'm on my way to drunk. (pause) Where are you from?"

she: "New Mexico."

me: "Is everyone from New Mexico short?"

she: (changing the subject) "Who lives in Kentucky anyways?"

me: "Just myself, my family, and the squirrels we hunt for food."

she: (thrusting her beer at my top shelf margarita in a pathetic attempt at toasting) "Here's to (unintelligible drunk chick banter)."

me: "Here's to people of all heights living as one."

She laughed, probably not at what I said but because a beer bubble went up her nose, and then her friends came by and wisked her off to karaoke or bikini bull riding or whatever.

Here's to you, short big-tittied drunk stupid girl from New Mexico. At least you were friendly, and hell...maybe you're a genius when you're sober, I don't know. I do know that I'll never run into your kind in Louisville. Every once in a while someone will come down for the weekend from Indiana or Ohio, but tourist-wise that's about it. Most of my short big-tittied drunk stupid girl conversations will be with locals from now on, for better or for worse.





58 Comments:

Blogger 3.14 said...

do squirrels really taste like chicken?

Blogger Kath said...

Have a safe trip and good luck on this next phase of your life.

Blogger Mone said...

was she a blonde?
even in my best drunk times wouldnt I have tougth of so stupid questions =)

I bet you'd write mean things about me if we met and I was drunk. Because I do have the requisite big titties, and I'm not nearly as brilliant when I'm fucked up.

*sigh*

And you are tall.

Blogger katarina said...

I love you.
I'll miss the Vegas stories, but look forward to a whole new batch of LouASSville sweetness.

Have a safe trip.

Blogger JJ said...

You're going to be so embarrassed some day when you flip on The Science Channel and she's there talking about advanced particle physics. You'll think, "Damn, I coulda hit that."

Blogger Lush said...

6'6 eh Todd? You would have beeen a contender to date my Roomie Delta she's 6'1.

Blogger Brookelina said...

I don't even want to tell you that my hot best friend just moved back to Vegas.
Oh wait...

Blogger MollyNormal said...

My vote is for BluegrASS State, FYI.

Blogger AWE said...

Yeah, you can meet that kind in Wal-Mart! Of course his wife wouldn't like you talking to him.

Blogger Lushy said...

The short, big-tittied drunk girls from New Mexico are always stupid.

The tall big-tittied drunk girls from New Mexico are not only smart, but friendly and fascinating as well.

Blogger Cold Hands said...

ahhhhhh- gotta love the drunk ones.

sorry, its monday, i have nothing to add to the conversation.

Blogger Mung said...

I like drunk, stupid women because they make me look smart and sober by comparison.

Blogger Rachel said...

Love ya, hope to hear from you soon.

Blogger solethoughts said...

Have a safe trip.

I said you sounded SOUTHERN not "hillybillyish" you liar!

Have a great trip back to LouASSville.

Blogger Shannon said...

You will be missed Todd...may your adventures in Kuntucky make you happy and be equally as amusing!

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

I hope you'll be doing posts about the local bar where you do a shot everytime you see camel toe.

Blogger Nick said...

God bless short big-tittied drunk stupid girl from New Mexico. She was the greatest one of all.

Blogger Nick said...

Also, If we're still voting I vote for LouASSville.

Blogger Claudia said...

I believe this post was a perfect exapmle of height-ism.

thank god I'm tall

Blogger Cold Hands said...

I assume you are back in the depths of KY by now? (ha)

We miss ya!

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

I missed your departure???

Damn it!

Blogger Nick said...

depths of KY. HA!

Blogger da buttah said...

uch! why are people such idiots?!

and then they blame it on alcohol, like that somehow absolves them. puhlease!

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

Here's to big tit-tays! *clink*

I think you're gonna miss the place!

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

BTW, I am smarter when I am drunk....cuz I talk about deep shit.....I think.

Blogger afromabq said...

hey, i resemble that remark....:)

actually, i did try to meet you but you bugged out last time i was there....i know, i know, car problems....

good luck todd....i hope louisville treats you well!

Blogger myboyfriendiscrazy said...

Sounds like she embodies all that you will miss about Las Vegas. (so... not that much)

Blogger Spirit Of Owl said...

Meet you in st. Louisville. To you, dude.

Blogger Dr. Chingasa said...

For the regulars...Todd made it Louisville, is without PC access as far as I know, and plans have been devised for trips to both the local-made-brew bar and to see boobs afterwards. I'll offer him use of my computer if he needs it to update this weekend.

Yours in Jesus,

Dr Dave Chingasa

Blogger Anna said...

Bet more of em will have actual vaginas.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

How's it going?

Blogger Nick said...

Hurry up and move already, you douche.

Blogger tlsd said...

Did dr chingasa not come through with his offer to give you internet access damn it... the world is so sad without you...

*sulk*

Blogger Spirit Of Owl said...

I begin to doubt the particulars of this chingasa character.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

What Nickles said.

Blogger Nick said...

Yeah, what he said. That guy is so smart and dreamy.

Blogger AJ said...

6'6"? You must have an enormous schwanstucker!

Woof!

Blogger tlsd said...

erm... is knickerless into self-loving then?

Blogger Caryn said...

Hilarious! Hey, when we lived in Columbus, OH we went to Louisville from time to time. Of course, it was usually on our way somewhere else or while also visiting the outlets outside of Cincinnati, but still...

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

Tell me about it (nick).

Blogger Cold Hands said...

the withdraws are getting so bad....

Blogger Egan said...

Is this blog still alive and kicking?

Blogger Dr. Chingasa said...

UPDATE: Beer drank, Tits oogled at. Todd is in the middle of nowhere for the next week or so. Our computer is open to him this weekend if he so wishes to use it.

Blogger Egan said...

Thanks for the update Dr. I hope he escaped Las Vegas alive and it sounds like he did.

Blogger MadMeer said...

Bikini Bull Riding - The official sport of Las Vegas

Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

I need a todd fix.

Blogger Nick said...

If you're just looking to score with a fat guy, I may know someone who could help you out in the interim, Kitty.

Blogger DogGirl said...

I's seen 'im. He tall alright.

I's got no big tit-tays.

Blogger Brookelina said...

I miss Todd.

Blogger Egan said...

I don't miss Todd.

Blogger Nick said...

Oh Snap!

Blogger Egan said...

You're right Nick, I don't miss him. I hope he never blogs again. His humor is too witty and it makes me feel insignificant. Stay away Todd!

Blogger Egan said...

... time to unpimp your auto...

Blogger Nick said...

You hear that Todd? Fuck you!

Blogger Shroom-Monkey said...

I am drunk right now.
I have big tits and am short.
I once lived in NV- but not in Las Vegas.
I really connected with your story.
Thanks, for once I felt a part of something.

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

drunk chicks are hawt.

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