Friday, June 09, 2006
Why are local weathermen such morons?
I was watching the news last night and came to a conclusion that shook the very foundation of my core beliefs: The American Metereological Society is a fraud. I know, that may be the most controversial opinion ever voiced on this blog, but there it is, unfiltered.

Why are all local weathermen so stupid? Really, if they're going to be insipid, at least have them be nubile young co-eds from the nearest community college (i.e. strippers). But no, they're always middle-aged guys wearing a suit from the clearance rack at Value City and sporting a glaringly bogus toup that looks like shag carpeting from a flophouse circa 1978.

Last night, our brain-dead weatherfuck told the Las Vegas viewing public "Cooler air is on the way for next week." He laughed insincerely before and after saying this. Apparently, although it will be in the one-hundreds this weekend, temperatures early next week will be in the low to mid nineties. He illustrated this by showing the "lower" temperatures as arctic blue blocks of ice, complete with icicles forming off of them.

95 degrees, huh? Bring in the plants and break out the parkas, kids...Winter's back with a vengence!

Our esteemed anchorman, who reminds me of a non-regional, unfunny Ron White, actually said, "So (Chip or Skip or Ace or Champ or Boss or whatever trite weatherman name he had), aren't those so-called lower temperatures actually normal for this time of year?"

"Yes they are," the weatherman stated matter-of-factly, unaware that he was being called out.

The female anchor simply sat in silence and smiled in a way that somehow made her tits jiggle. That's why she makes the big bucks.


14 Comments:

I just wanted to be the first commentator. I WIN I WIN!

Blogger Mung said...

There seem to be a lot of weather fucks out there. Good luck in your old home town.

Blogger n.v. said...

Is your weatherman Canadian, perchance?

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

They're all frauds.

Lies, lies, and more lies!

It'll be better in Kentucky, love.

Lush greenery. Southern hospitality. Temperatures in the double digits. Ahhh.

Blogger Brookelina said...

My local weatherman is hot. I had fantasies about him during the hurricanes, which made the destruction down here in Florida a little easier to take.

Blogger Karen said...

which station do you watch?? Is it channel 13? that's the only one I know of that has a weatherman that looks like he's wearing a tupe.

They all suck ass anyway. And think about it, why do we even need weather reports here? It's fuckin' hot all the time. Some times windy, some times a few drops of spit fall.

There, that's a weather report! LOL

Blogger Housekeeper said...

I am going to have to move back there eventually, and reading this post made me sad...I hate being hot (and in the same town as my family)

Blogger myboyfriendiscrazy said...

It's always nice to see someone get called out when you can't do it yourself. Good thing the anchorwoman is picking up the slack.

The worst weathermen are always on early in the morning. Did you ever see that douchebag on Channel 3 that has beastilist fantasies about his golden retriever? There is no way this guy ever graduated from high school, let alone college. And what in the hell is the "Stamp of approval from the American Meterological Society," a certification that you have been certified as a complete f'ing stroke?

And they always wear bow ties. That's what I really don't understand.

Blogger katarina said...

It's not just the local weathermen. The Weather Channel is clueless.They pretend they know how it's going to be locally. I swear, they end their local forcasts with, "Ummm, yeah, that's it."
It's summer (almost). You never know how it's going to be until the END of the day.

Blogger da buttah said...

my favorite is when they are COMPLETELY WRONG! what other job lets you be wrong 99% of the time, and still keep your job?

oh, and i love when they use the term "wintery mix"...that's code for "we don't know what the fuck is going to go down, but it'll be wintery, and mixed up bitches"

Blogger Crazy Lady said...

It has to be Daren Peck(erhead) from Fox Five, here in Vegas. Not just meteorologist, but CHEIF meteorologist, who has just won a Emmy for his riviting weather delivery. Gack! I just know that the other anchors make fun of him behind his back.

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

I'm buying boobs and becoming a weather girl....no education needed. yipee!

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