Saturday, May 27, 2006
The girl with the tattooed titties
A few days ago I saw a woman who really caught my eye. She had a pretty face and gorgeous curves, and she wore an extremely low-cut top. There was a lot of cleavage on display, almost down to nip-land, and a large tattoo covered all of it.

At first I thought it was a bizarre fashion statement, like she decided to wear a loudly patterned bra that her top didn't quite cover. It was only after closer inspection (oh, how I suffer for this blog) that I realized it was ink. It was a permanent tattoo bra.

Why? What possessed this otherwise fine creature to disfigure herself in such a way? Did she lose a bet? Was this the result of a femme-gang initiation? Sorority hazing gone too far? Did she fall asleep at the tattoo parlor?

I wish I had seen her at a bar instead of a retail store, because if I'd had a few drinks in me I would have asked what I was dying to know: Are the nips themselves tattooed? And if so, holy fuck how much did that hurt?

At a bar several years ago I saw a woman with tiger-paw prints tattooed on her midrift, making a trail right down to the big cat itself. Classy, huh? I asked her if the ink indeed reached the promised land, so she pulled her pants down and showed me that yes, it did. That was the night I learned to not ask a question if I wasn't prepared for the answer.


23 Comments:

Blogger miss kendra said...

you need a camera phone.

Blogger Osbasso said...

This wasn't Steph, was it??

There's a gal with ink all over her body that works at a major chain book store in this city and she has a heart that is a fairly realistic tattoo on her chest, more or less where the heart goes.

Shee too wears little so that most can see it and it's a little *too* realistic, like the invisible man statue of childhood. It's a turn-off for me with the graphic red and purple ventricles, atrium, aortas, veins, etc...

The artist that inked it is damn good though.

Blogger tlsd said...

Unfortunatley, I too appear to have a fake bra tattooed(burnt) on to my bosom...

I learnt an important lesson today also:
if your spending the day walking around chicago wear fucking sunscreen, and don't wear a cleavage exposing top.

My boobage is burning, I need someone to rub in aftersun... anyone?

ps: ok maybe just use suncream- I only have cleavage exposing tops... it's either those or nothing.

Blogger Lush said...

The lengths you go to for us, Todd. Nice investigation work. I agree with Kendra you do need a camera phone.

Blogger Dr. Chingasa said...

The Tattooed boobs of trashy women rule! It's time for the nudie bar again my friend.

Blogger Secret said...

Yup! Camera phone.

You humor the shit outta me though Todd!

Blogger myboyfriendiscrazy said...

I think tattoos ruin the cleavage. Just my humble opinion

Blogger Blonde said...

I would have asked anyway if I were you.

Have you started a countdown to the move home yet? You should post it here.

Have a fabulous weekend!

I knew a chick many years ago with a tatoo of Herve Villechaize on her upper back.

Blogger Nick said...

I have a tattoo of a girl with a tattoo of Herve Villechaize on her back on my back. What a weird coincidence.

Blogger Claudia said...

now i see why u want to leave vegas so badly. gross.

Blogger yournamehere said...

kendra,
if I had a camera phone, I could have posted the disappointed look on my face when you didn't invite me to your Vegas get-together.

os,
no, I would have asked her those questions.

writepro,
that sounds way too "Operation" for me, like I'd want to remove her "bread box" with a pair of tweezers.

tlsd,
You don't own any non-cleavage tops? Good for you!

lush,
I'd do anything for your neck.

dr. chingasa,
hhmmm, isn't a certain person who hates nudie bars going to be out of town when I get back? Interesting.

teri,
I love to humor the shit out of people.

mbfic,
oh, so do I. This was nice (and possibly expensive) cleavage. It didn't need the ink.

blonde,
I'm glad you're posting again. You rule. Come see me in Louisville.

so I got,
A tattoo of "Tattoo" eh?

nick,
fuck dieting. I'm just going to get a full body tattoo of a guy in good shape.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Claudia,
damn comment sneaker.

Oh, I'll see much grosser things in Louisville, I fear.

Blogger Cherry! said...

Yuck. Sounds repulsive.

Blogger MollyNormal said...

OK I am all caught up now and happy that you are moving closer to me. KY is not that far from WI you know. At least it's closer than Vegas. Talk to you soon!

Blogger Cold Hands said...

so I should start those laser removal treatments, huh?

Os, WTF???? You have seen my nips, I'm pretty sure.... and they were not covered in anything (although thinking back they should have been covered in chocolate. I digress.)

Blogger Trix said...

Oh, God! Just the thought of tatoo'ed nips...gives me the chills!

That's fucked up.

Blogger da buttah said...

so tasts in general are disfiguring? or just ones that cover up tits so you boys can't really scope them out as fully as you'd like to?

just curious :)

and what's with the ads?!

Blogger yournamehere said...

cherry,
repulsive indeed.

molly,
Kentucky is closer than Nevada to where you live. That is true.

cold hands,
covered in chocolate? Much better than tattoos.

trix,
I'm glad your nips aren't tatted up.

buttah,
I have nothing against tats, but this one covered the entire tit region, like a bra. Actually, more than a bra, because a bra shows cleavage. It was too much, my dear.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Oh, the ads are so I can try to make a damn dollar. I'll give it a month.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

My ads have earned me almost 10 dollars since November.

I hope you do better.

Blogger The Lone Rangers said...

see now biased as it may be I think perfectly flawless women (left to my discretion) shouldn't mar themselves in any way....

yeah I'm old fashioned....

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