Monday, May 15, 2006
A little teaser...
I have big news, but I'm not going to blog about it until all concerned "real life" parties have been notified.

Why is it a selling point that Paris Hilton is at a particular nightclub? Jessica Alba? Selling point. Scar Jo? Selling point. But people flock to clubs when Paris Hilton is scheduled to stumble in front of them for a minute, and I just don't get it. Half of the patrons and ALL of the staff are hotter than her, for one thing; plus, she may be our second dumbest celebrity. Britney Spears is number one. I saw her on Letterman the other night and she's so dumb it made my cock itch. He made her read the Top Ten List and it was obvious she didn't get any of the jokes. There were a few words she couldn't even read. Dave asked her one question (if she was pregnant), humiliated her by forcing her to read, and that was it.

KFed must be the Johnny Appleseed of white trash spunk. This will be his fourth child. Think of all the unlucky couples who can't conceive while Federslime knocks a bitch up by waving his cock in the approximate direction of her catcher's mitt. Life is a misery and despair horn-of-plenty.

Oh, and fuck American Idol. In the immortal words of the White Stripes, "I've said it all before but it bears repeating."


26 Comments:

Blogger IndependentGrl said...

I saw Britney (whose initials are BS - so appropriate for her) on Letterman as well, and when he had to tell her to keep reading the list, I lost it and turned the station. She has to be in the running for dumbest person ever!

Blogger Phain said...

Worse is the legions of kids (and adults for that matter) that look to these douchebag celebs as role models! Makes me sick to my stomach to see 12 and 13 year olds walking, talking, dressing, and mimicing these hacks. Literally.sick.to.my.stomach.

So I guess Brit is officially preggers again. I heard the rumor and quickly ran screaming from my TV.

And I bet you 100 pesos and a toothy blow job I know what your news is! :P Or not. I just wanted to say toothy blow job.

Blogger Trix said...

Can't wait for the big news!!!

Blogger Egan said...

Are you preggers too Todd? That's some teaser there.

Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

you are such a tease.

Blogger Osbasso said...

I'm with Andi. I think I know too, but I'm not offering the blow job.

I thank the good Lord above that I missed Letterman!

Blogger Kath said...

hopefully you've won the lottery or something equally thrilling?

Blogger Claudia said...

is it an std? please tell me you didn't sleep under the covers in that hotel in LA...

fuck AI to hell x2

Blogger tlsd said...

oooooooo big news?!!!!?? ooooooo exciting!!!!!!

My brother-in-law has one of those fertilises eggs by looking at you cocks, he was married before, has 8 kids and now one with my sister...

I refuse to stand in the same room with him... just in case.

So Britney can read eh? wow... who'd have known...

Blogger AWE said...

"she's so dumb it made my cock itch" You need to make another blog with a list of your sayings.

Fuck AI, I hope Seacrest coughs up a pube on camera.

Blogger Karen said...

Brittney Spears is either the dumbest chick this side of the Rockies, or the smartest one. Kind of like Loni Anderson smart. Nah...she's just dumb.

Big news, huh? Ya movin? Gettin' hitched?

Blogger Lush said...

Driving with two babies on her lap while sucking down Starbucks will be tough but Brit will manage. She can always toss the second one in a backpack.

Blogger MsHellion said...

So, you're finally getting that sex change? Let me know when I need to start calling you "Tara".

Blogger Übermilf said...

Is your news that you're coming to live in my basement? 'Cause I'll have to clean out the spare room.

Blogger solethoughts said...

I liked it better when Joss Stone said that line only because she's purty. So when do we get to hear the big news? Is there an ETA?

Blogger Spirit Of Owl said...

Dumb people on TV is not rocking my shock meter, but seriously, "catcher's mitt" leaves me agog. Bravo sir.

Blogger yournamehere said...

indie,
well, look who it is! I miss you.
The Britney-Letterman exchange was priceless. She visibly annoyed him, so he just hands her the Top Ten List so he doesn't have to ask her any more questions. Ha.

le chat,
if someone wears a hat Kfed style, I immediately dislike that person. Right or wrong, that's the way I feel.

andi,
I want you to say toothy blow job over and over.

trix,
I wish the news involved you, me, and our own private love cottage, but you're moving to parts unknown.

egan,
I'm not pregnant, but I have the stomach of an expectant mother.

knitty,
look who's talking!
Uh, that was a brilliant comeback, huh?

os,
thanks for the non-offer on the BJ.
I decided to laugh at the Letterman debacle, but I could have just as easily cried.

kath,
thrilling? No. Sorry.

claudia,
No, but it would be my luck to get an std from a cover instead of from actually fucking.

Blogger yournamehere said...

tlsd,
yeah, you'd better be careful. It would be hard to explain to your sister that her husband impregnated you with his piercing eyes.

awe,
I'm thinking of distributing my "sayings" in convenient leaflet form.

vixen,
gettin' hitched? You know I'm married to the Lord.

lush,
to her credit, she promises to neglect them both equally.

mshellion,
Tara would like to invite you to lick her clit.

ubie,
I hadn't thought of that, but thanks. I'll be there next week.
I have a large appetite, and suffer from night terrors, so I hope either the basement is soundproofed or your family can sleep through primal screams.

sole,
ever try to track down someone who doesn't own a cell phone? What is this, the early nineties?

spirit of owl,
I like it when Ice Cube calls it the nappy dugout.

Blogger Rachel said...

I can't stand the suspense....tell me, tell me...TELL ME!


;)

*kiss*

Blogger Crystal said...

If it's a book deal, I want to be part of the entourage.

I make a mean cup of coffee.

And I can lick my own nose.

Seriously.

I know. It's fucking gross.

Blogger little ol' me? said...

Big news? I'm on the edge of my seat!

I'm with Crystal, I want to be part of your entourage also! I'm a firecraker in the kitchen, love to cook with nothing on under my apron and love dirty martinis!

Blogger katarina said...

The Lord called and he wants a divorce.

Blogger Brookelina said...

Cunt tease.

Blogger joanne said...

Paris isn't bad looking. She just needs some butt implants. The woman has no ass!

Blogger 2012天氣晴朗 said...

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