I don't claim to be all that smart, but I do think a lot, mostly about insignificant trifles. That's probably why I get about three or four hours of sleep a night. Maybe it will help if I write them down.
-Unlike most Democrats, I take no pleasure in George Bush's record-low approval ratings. Why? BECAUSE HE'S STILL PRESIDENT. Our time for action was in the months leading up to November 2004, and we failed miserably.
-Home Depot managers have to be the most useless spunk-sacks on this planet. I have more respect for people who swindle the elderly for a living; at least they have to use their brains.
-There's a Pet Cemetery in Las Vegas that also buries humans who don't want to be away from their pets. I'm sorry, but their corpses need to be violated. We need to have a necrophyllia fund raiser and sell their rotting asses to the highest bidders. "I want to be next to Pookie for all eternity." FUCK YOU!!! Larry the unemployed carnie is going to desecrate your dead body to the repulsion/amusement of on-lookers and an audience of several hundred thousand on basic cable. We might even rough up your survivors, dickface.
-You know what needs to happen to Moussaoui? Well, he needs to be killed, but more importantly, he needs to be buried improperly. Send him to eternity wrapped head to toe in bloody pigskin, with a Matisyahu CD shoved up his bung for good measure. Bury terrorists in a way that, according to their beliefs, prevents them from entering paradise.
-If gas prices were frozen at $1.50 a gallon, the oil companies would still make an enormous profit. Not only that, but the economy would thrive because more people would travel over the summer. It's never going to happen, of course.
-Are Fall Out Boy, Hawthorne Heights, Yellow Card, and Taking Back Sunday the same fucking band? Are whiny-voiced lead singers being manufactured by a wholly-owned subsidiary of Dow Chemical?
-I have tickets to see Pearl Jam on July 6th at the MGM Grand Garden Arena. Anyone going to be in town that day that wants to see Pearl Jam?
-I want a new job, a different car, a better life somewhere other than Las Vegas. I've tried to like it here; I even gamble occasionally even though I can't afford to lose a penny. Every single day I regret with all of my heart ever moving away from my hometown. And if I move back, I'll regret that. I'm a miserable bastard, and always will be.
-Unlike most Democrats, I take no pleasure in George Bush's record-low approval ratings. Why? BECAUSE HE'S STILL PRESIDENT. Our time for action was in the months leading up to November 2004, and we failed miserably.
-Home Depot managers have to be the most useless spunk-sacks on this planet. I have more respect for people who swindle the elderly for a living; at least they have to use their brains.
-There's a Pet Cemetery in Las Vegas that also buries humans who don't want to be away from their pets. I'm sorry, but their corpses need to be violated. We need to have a necrophyllia fund raiser and sell their rotting asses to the highest bidders. "I want to be next to Pookie for all eternity." FUCK YOU!!! Larry the unemployed carnie is going to desecrate your dead body to the repulsion/amusement of on-lookers and an audience of several hundred thousand on basic cable. We might even rough up your survivors, dickface.
-You know what needs to happen to Moussaoui? Well, he needs to be killed, but more importantly, he needs to be buried improperly. Send him to eternity wrapped head to toe in bloody pigskin, with a Matisyahu CD shoved up his bung for good measure. Bury terrorists in a way that, according to their beliefs, prevents them from entering paradise.
-If gas prices were frozen at $1.50 a gallon, the oil companies would still make an enormous profit. Not only that, but the economy would thrive because more people would travel over the summer. It's never going to happen, of course.
-Are Fall Out Boy, Hawthorne Heights, Yellow Card, and Taking Back Sunday the same fucking band? Are whiny-voiced lead singers being manufactured by a wholly-owned subsidiary of Dow Chemical?
-I have tickets to see Pearl Jam on July 6th at the MGM Grand Garden Arena. Anyone going to be in town that day that wants to see Pearl Jam?
-I want a new job, a different car, a better life somewhere other than Las Vegas. I've tried to like it here; I even gamble occasionally even though I can't afford to lose a penny. Every single day I regret with all of my heart ever moving away from my hometown. And if I move back, I'll regret that. I'm a miserable bastard, and always will be.
25 Comments:
Additionally, Moussaoui should be embalmed by menstruating women.
I'll say it again: move to Texas. It's fun. Pretty girls. Great food.
When I die I want to be buried with all thirty of my imaginary cats. And my knitting.
Leave Las Vegas!
Join the miserable bastard club.
Nothing is the way it should be.
There are bigger things to lose sleep over than Fall Out Boy and Pearl Jam. You should be losing sleep from the stress of picking up your life and moving to Pennsylvania. I know. It's a big change. But you've made the right decision.
I thought the only thing good about Las Vegas was leaving it?
I keed, I keed, it can be a cool city but then again, I don't live there so how cool can it be?
Love you!
I'll see Pearl Jam with you! I love them and me mum lives in Vegas, so I can tell her I'm also visiting her!
I don't know how you sleep at all if you have all of that on your mind.
I'm bummed...Pearl Jam is too big (and probably has been for a long time) to play Reno or Sacramento. I'm jealous, but I hope you enjoy them!
If you are ever to return to Kentucky, the time is now.
Dammit to hell I wanna go to the concert (I'm pretty sure were I there and they played Indifference I would be humping everything in sight!)
There is such a thing as useless spunk sacks? Who knew?
I love my cat and dog but there is no way I'm giving up a part of the shrine that surely will be built to me upon my death to those little fuckers. No way.
Just a few more days til I come to see ya!!!
Get out of that cesspool, Todd. You don't have to move home. Go somewhere new. Start a new life. Start it with Prozac.
Tool is coming but they suck like Pearl Jam. I have 1st row tix to Whiney Boys June 9
And we all know the best way to remember Pookie is to BBQ him and make him part of you. Well, until the morning constitutional in the head.
Vegas sucks. I say get out, too. You could use Home Depot as a means to transfer somewhere, right? Once you're settled in a new place, you could job search to get out of the depot, too!
BTW, that Moussaoui thing was actually thought provoking. And when those suicide bombers die, don't they worry about their remains, too?
On an unrelated note - how can SO many vowels be in just one name?!
Write us a list of ten reasons to stay in Vegas and ten reasons to leave. We'll vote on it and that will be your decision. It's democracy in action for you.
I agree about these freaks that want to be buried next to their pets. Why pay twice? I plan to mummify Delilah in plaster of paris and then just bury her along with me when I croak. Easy.
Oh, Hey, Look! Todd just solved the oil crisis! Look! LOOK! We could travel and use gas and not break the banks and suddenly have a new lease on life and begin to love one another again! And we could create more revenue to invest in alternate forms of energy and soon, we'd make the air cleaner and this would increase intelligence and then Todd could quit his job and just become a speaker about goodwill and gas!
Holy Shit, Todd, I think you're fucking on to something.
Look, you miserable bastard, cheer the fuck up. We respect and admire you. Even if you move to fucking New Guinea and live in a shack on the beach with a dozen beautiful teenage girls allowing you to drink cocunut milk off their burgeoning tits, you'd still be cynical. It's a curse and a blessing. Stay in the seedy town of Las Vegas. It's feeding your hatred of humanity, and that, in turn, is making the rest of us jealous of your talents.
You're an immensely popular blogger with an audience composed mostly of women. What the hell else do you want? Shitloads of women who think I'm really cool but I'll never have sex with... now that's something that would keep me up at night.
richie,
that's using your head...
andi,
there's pretty girls everywhere. If you'll marry me, I'll move to Texas.
pants,
do you knit sweaters for your imaginary cats?
cherry,
I just might.
kat,
I can't handle brutal winters. I'm just too old for that. Can't we negotiate a compromise?
rachel,
it would be cooler if you lived here.
mbfic,
I'm the least smooth person ever.
mushy,
if you're serious, I'd love to go to the Pearl Jam concert with you. Email me at toddp345@yahoo.com
awe,
I don't fall asleep as much as I eventually pass out from exhaustion.
hoochie,
you never know. Go to pearljam.com for details.
ubermilfie,
I think it's so stylish because I'm not there.
vixen,
it gives me the creeps.
claudia,
I still get the occasional zit. When you're my age, though, it just pisses you off.
I've seen Pearl Jam several times and they may be one of the best live bands ever.
coldhands,
they should reschedule just for you. They should, really. Can't wait to meet you.
nick,
none of the bands I mentioned will be around five years from now. If they are, they'll be playing dog shows and supermarket openings.
jj,
I refuse to take Prozac. I'm not suicidal and I can function without a chemically induced sense of happiness. If that ever changes, I'll run to the doctor to get a prescription.
sole,
but I think I'd be miserable anywhere.
doggirl,
you don't like Tool or Pearl Jam? Which of those flash-in-the-pan musical abortions are you going to see? I'd go with you though; that's how much I like you.
mo,
I don't officially work for Home Depot. My company does business in Utah, Nevada, Arizona and California. I can't afford California and don't want to live in any of the other states.
lush,
when I see your neck I can't concentrate. You have such a great neck.
fritz,
I know my solution was simplistic, and also improbable because it would require government intervention. Oh well.
nick,
it's even worse when you meet some of these female bloggers and can actually see the look of disappointment on their faces.
I thought you were talking to me again and I was all "I didn't leave a second comment, my first one was rude enough." And then I remembered that there are probably other people named Nick in the world. Not that any of them matter.
Also, Fall Out Boy has already been around for 5 years, but your point is taken.
Glad to know I'm not the only miserable one no matter what...
Nick,
has Fall Out Boy been popular on the national stage for five years?
lone,
miserable bastards love company.
ruben,
rants are a cure-all.
DO you mean have the been a mainstream band for five years? Obviously not. That doesn't make them bad though.
Umm... I will be in town that night Todd.
Post a Comment
<< Home