Thursday, May 04, 2006
Lying ad exec scumbags
I'll have you know I used Axe body spray recently and I wasn't attacked by hordes of nubile young women.

I was, however, stung by several flying insects.


ALSO: Two fantastic bloggers have birthdays today. Hailing from Canada, Claudia is no doubt enjoying a state-sponsored Canadian seven-course meal: a slice of back-bacon and a six pack. And from Las Vegas (or maybe Henderson, I don't know), Bawlz is probably kickin' it VIP at a club that wouldn't let me in if I bought the place. They're both twenty-five and are too kind to me, as they were taught to respect their elders. Best wishes, ladies.


25 Comments:

Blogger Claudia said...

hmm...did you spray it in an arrow formation from your chest to your crotch?

Cause that's what I do.

I used some of their shower gel once.......I got dry humped by a Cambodian transvestite.

Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

fucking axe body spray smells like old italian mens balls.

It's the one part I dreaded about substitute teaching PE, since the boys thought they could just spray down their gym shorts instead of taking them home and washing them.

Blogger katarina said...

I've never smelled it. At least, I don't think so.

Now that I think of it... I ripped off some man's clothes last week and straddled him in a parking lot. I wasn't sure what came over me. I wonder if he was wearing it.

Blogger Cold Hands said...

hmmmmmm. that definitely means you should have sprayed on more. Did you apply liberally? Did you?

Gross, never use that again.

Blogger Trix said...

I prefer Brut, by Faberge. Or Old Spice. Or, wait, what's that shit all the boys used to wear in high school? Ah! Drakkar Noir. THAT'S HOT. Fuck that AXE crap...

Blogger SRB said...

I like Axe, but no, I don't attack the men who wear it. Let's sue.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

Does that stuff work in Vegas? I thought you had to stink of money to get anywhere.

Blogger JJ said...

I went through this already with Hi Karate. I won't get fooled again.

Blogger Dennis! said...

If you look really really REALLY closely at the disclaimers on those commercials, you'll see something to the effect that young nubile women (or their mothers) won't actually attack you while you're wearing the spray UNLESS you're a skinny little whiteboy twink. If you're not, all bets are off.

Then again, if you're a skinny little whiteboy twink, the odds that random hot women will attack you are much higher than normal, even without the AXE.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

In the same vein: my Snackwell cookies aren't doing a fucking thing for my figure.

You have to spray it on the southern hemisphere for the nubile lovelies to come a'running.

Blogger Violet said...

I almost attacked a married middle-aged Christian co-worker wearing Bod one day. Try that?

Blogger little ol' me? said...

The wind must not have been blowing in the right direction. Here's hoping for an easterly wind tomorrow!

Blogger tlsd said...

Maybe they were lady-bugs...

Blogger yournamehere said...

claudia,
you have an added enticement for the opposite sex: a little something called physical attractiveness. Cheater.

vast,
the Cambodian transvestites never have the hips to pull it off.

knitty,
so you went home every day with the stench of cheap cologne and sack-sweat stuck in your nostrils?

kat,
he must have been.

cold hands,
just kidding around. I've used the body wash (i.e. soap) but I use real cologne.

trix,
they give Drakkar away with Car washes these days. How the mighty have fallen.

eden,
yes!! This is the type of frivolous lawsuit I was talking about. Way to stay ahead of the curve.

Blogger yournamehere said...

ubie,
money or hotness. Alas, in those categories I am the Scentless Aprentice.

jj,
I need to get some Sex Panther. "Sixty percent of the time, it works every time."

dennis,
yeah, "Not being ugly" is their disclaimer for everything.

pants,
exactly! I ate four fat free muffins the other day... I gained weight.

andi,
the results would have been the same, except for the unbearable pain.

violet,
I will if I ever meet you.

little,
let's not blame the wind.

tlsd,
that makes me feel better.

Blogger miss kendra said...

what flavor was it?

i find that some of them smell ok and some smell like chernobyl.

Blogger myboyfriendiscrazy said...

actually i think it's sex panther that attracts the ladies. It's illegal in nine countries. It's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.

Blogger Phain said...

Pumpkin, only because you didn't wear it in my presence. And would it still count if it was a milf in her 30's???

Blogger Claudia said...

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

I feel so special!

YAY!

I do love me my bacon.

Blogger MoDigli said...

What?! And you didn't fuck the insects?! What's wrong with you?

Blogger Ilovebawlz said...

Todd, you like, rock...and stuff. If Claudia and I ever decide to get naked and touch eachothers no-no spots, you're the first one to get a copy of the video.

Blogger Tumbleweed said...

I love Axe body spray....I would have attacked you!!

Blogger riceroni said...

In the spirit of this blog, those penis growth pills are bullshit!



*Not that I needed them, it was an experiment strictly in the interest of science*

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