I'm trying something new in hopes that I won't be such a miserable bastard all the time. It's called the "I Just Don't Give a Fuck" philosophy, and so far it's working. I was getting way too upset about the little things in life, and now? Well, I just don't give a fuck.
I was actually worried because I've run out of blog ideas and now my blog sucks the foul-smelling, gangrenous cock of Satan himself. How ridiculous is that? I'm not a trained seal performing for applause and dead fish. I'm not being remunerated for my efforts, so if this blog is sinking fast, I just don't give a fuck.
The utter incompetence and indifference of the people who work at my assigned Home Depots was starting to piss me off. Why did I let it bother me for even a nanosecond? My job is a fucking joke. So now if I ask them to bring something down from the overstock because the shelf is empty or tell them about a blatant safely violation and they ignore me, well GOOD FOR THEM. They know their job is meaningless and have embraced it, and now so have I. The best thing about having a shit job is if you lose it, you can honestly say "I just don't give a fuck."
As long as someone doesn't crash into me, I'm through worrying about the horrid driving habits of others. If someone wants to weave in and out of traffic like they're running in the NEXTEL CUP OVERCOMPENSATING FOR A TINY PENIS 4OO, well, I hope when they crash into a wall they're wearing their seatbelt, because the wife's vibrator can't mow the lawn. Otherwise, I just don't give a fuck.
A few of the other things I now just don't give a fuck about:
-The inexplicable yet overwhelming popularity of American Idol (I hope Cletus wins).
-The attitude of the French.
-The upper-middle-class background of ninety-nine percent of dirty, smelly hippies.
-And finally, the fact that all women I date ultimately find me undesirable. Really, what am I going to do, change? At my age? I just don't give a fuck (And neither do the women I date).
I was actually worried because I've run out of blog ideas and now my blog sucks the foul-smelling, gangrenous cock of Satan himself. How ridiculous is that? I'm not a trained seal performing for applause and dead fish. I'm not being remunerated for my efforts, so if this blog is sinking fast, I just don't give a fuck.
The utter incompetence and indifference of the people who work at my assigned Home Depots was starting to piss me off. Why did I let it bother me for even a nanosecond? My job is a fucking joke. So now if I ask them to bring something down from the overstock because the shelf is empty or tell them about a blatant safely violation and they ignore me, well GOOD FOR THEM. They know their job is meaningless and have embraced it, and now so have I. The best thing about having a shit job is if you lose it, you can honestly say "I just don't give a fuck."
As long as someone doesn't crash into me, I'm through worrying about the horrid driving habits of others. If someone wants to weave in and out of traffic like they're running in the NEXTEL CUP OVERCOMPENSATING FOR A TINY PENIS 4OO, well, I hope when they crash into a wall they're wearing their seatbelt, because the wife's vibrator can't mow the lawn. Otherwise, I just don't give a fuck.
A few of the other things I now just don't give a fuck about:
-The inexplicable yet overwhelming popularity of American Idol (I hope Cletus wins).
-The attitude of the French.
-The upper-middle-class background of ninety-nine percent of dirty, smelly hippies.
-And finally, the fact that all women I date ultimately find me undesirable. Really, what am I going to do, change? At my age? I just don't give a fuck (And neither do the women I date).
23 Comments:
This has been my motto for 2006. I think I have reversed the aging process. seriously.
My grandma has this thing she likes to say when I'm depressed. It fits right in with your new I don't give a fuck philosophy.
Everything will be all right, or it won't!
And she says it all cheerful like when my heart is broken or I'm worried that I'll need a spinal transplant. (My back isn't that bad, but you get the picture.)
knitty,
a stiff drink and tits in my face? Cool. Then maybe we could go to a strip club.
claudia,
reversed the aging process? Aren't you twenty-three? You haven't had an aging process yet.
dena,
no lies, yes I would, yes I would. That's the dirtiest thing you've ever said to me, and I'm completely turned on.
crazy,
a liberal arts college is often judged by the quality of its hippies.
pants,
the difference is that I'm only applying this to the little things in life. A bad back or a broken heart are major.
vixen,
do you have one with a kickstand?
I think this is the only way to live life.
hmmm i wasn't thinking we would go to a strip club, but alright that could be fun.
I find you desirable. But we haven't dated yet.
If this blog was a sinking ship there wouldn't be 20-30 comments on each post, you self-deprecating bastard.
Also, you'd be duty-bound to go down with it, if it was. Which would be amusing.
Your blog is still funnier than 90% of the ones out there, so don't be a hat'ah to yourself. But. I do appreciate the philosophy since I'm trying to incorporate that into my overly neurotic life.... just don't become one of those people who don't bathe themselves or their hair - still one of my truly favorite blog posts ever.
makes me think of that snl sketch "fuckitall"
stop thinking of your blog as a job. and stop thinking you're required to post/be amusing. it's your spot. it's what you want.
and i give a fuck about you. so there!
What Nick said et suce ma gros bite mec!
Geez-ass, bad day Todd? If you weren't desirable I wouldn't be willing to marry you! I do like the new attitude though, it's fitting.
cletus got voted off already.
sorry, man.
in other news, all those fucks you don't give? you can trade them in for stock options!
Hey! I'll be 25 next week. A thank you very much! And I don't look a day over 24.
LOL. Okay, so that was a pretty shitty comment up there. I was put on the spot. I didn't want to lose my place as the second commenter. Is that wrong? I don't think so. Anyone would have done the same thing. Damn you and your blog.
Every time you go to the store, buy one of those "Feed An Old Fuck For A Dollar" donation things.
It finally paid off for me in karma, baby.
YOU CAN DO EEEEET!
i come here all the time for the IJDGAFP...sometimes we all need to think this way so that life will seem sane.
I gave a fuck to charity once, but my accountant told me I couldn't write that off.
cherry,
you're probably right, but it's hard.
knitty,
well, you turned that one around on me, didn't you? I would chose you over any strip club on earth, even the ones that are very naughty.
buttah,
thanks. My blog ALMOST pays as much as my actual job, and the hours are better.
teri,
I'm blushing.
egan,
did you just swear-word me?
kat,
we should date and see if my theory holds out.
nick,
that would be fuckin' funny.
eden,
who are the ten percent who are funnier? I'll destroy them all!!!
Oh, and I'll continue to bathe.
tumbleweed,
I'm not getting any younger, babe. We need to tie the knot soon.
kendra,
how could America reject Cletus? I HAVE NO COUNTRY!!!
claudia,
twenty-five? Well, fuck, why didn't you say so, Granny?
canof,
"Feed an Old Fuck For A Dollar"? I'll ask for it by name.
ubie,
I like it when you're all feisty.
jj,
oh, yes you do, you kidder.
awe,
true. Retail sucks.
afromabq,
if life seems sane then what's crazy?
nick,
I've actually received a few charity fucks. Not too proud to say I enjoyed them and would take another at the drop of a hat.
As much as you're going to TRY not giving a fuck, you always will. It's just your nature!
I need some coffee...snark, snark.
Go with knitty to the strip club. I'll meet you guys later at Denny's.
Will you perform for applause and live fish?
Ahhh... after a week away, it sure is nice to catch up on all your recent posts, YNH. I'm cracking up over here.
And I'm glad you lost it at the WalMart with the DirtySanchez dude. I absolutely HATE it when ppl invade my personal space. Maybe he learned a lesson he won't soon forget!
In all seriousness, I don't come here to watch you be a dancing jongleur. When you do it it's funny but most of all it would be nice to see you happy and not give a shit about all the fuckwits around you. You'd be funny even if you were totally zen.
le chat,
yeah, but I'm not going to let its popularity bother me anymore.
livi,
I do give a fuck about your happiness. I hope everything is going great back home.
fritz,
yeah, this proclamation is pretty hollow.
vast,
I already feel a bitch coming on.
housekeeper,
is that how they do things in Reno?
vixen,
is it diesel powered?
mo,
you should have visited me, but I forgive you.
monkey mc,
your beauty is exceeded only by your kindness. Thank you.
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