Tuesday, April 11, 2006
The Old Bastard-ing of Las Vegas
I swear to His Holiness, Pope Fuckwad the First; I hate Las Vegas! By all that is sacred, I loathe the place. Why? Because of the Old Bastard-ing of this town, that's why. Every rude, impatient, ill-tempered, miserly, self-centered, overly aggressive, loud, pushy, waiting-to-die blotch of spilled jizz in this entire cuntry (misspell intentional) is retiring to Las Vegas. It's replaced South Florida as the final destination (besides hell, that is) of every withered old nutsack who ever made a teenage cashier cry or wrote a check for a buck-fiddy.

And unlike the places they're coming from (New York, New England, etc.) Las Vegas has NO REDEEMING QUALITIES OF ITS OWN! With the exception of a three-mile stretch of tourist trappery, it has NOTHING. It doesn't have the culture of Manhattan, the history and grandeur of Boston, the thriving neighborhoods of Chicago. All we're getting is increased traffic, dwindling natural resources, and the worst citizenry in the entire United States; a virtual who's-who of douchebags and the worthless whores who love them.

I shouldn't put all of the blame on the old people, though. The young people of this town are just plain fucking stupid. I suppose I could have picked a wittier way of stating that, but it's all I have right now. And the few who can actually breath with their mouths closed are arrogant cunts who think they're much smarter than they really are.

Of course not everyone in town sucks. I think it's safe to say that if you live in Vegas and are reading this, I know or know of you and am quite fond of you. Sorry to say, though, you're outnumbered.

It doesn't matter anyway. I'm stuck here. I don't have enough money to uproot and move. I feel like someone who's sinking in quicksand, but incredibly slowly, like half an inch a week. I've never felt so helpless and frustrated in my entire life.


22 Comments:

Blogger Claudia said...

Vegas sounds like an incredibly bizarre place to live...I[m sorry you are feeling crappy about this. If you ever decide to make a move, you got a friend in the T-Dot.

Blogger Trix said...

My apartment in Chicago will be free at the end of October...if you want it, it's yours. No bullshit.

Cheer up, Todd. We all love you. Remember, you've got real friends to lean on any time you need them.

Come visit me anytime you want.

If you want to get outta Vegas, I highly recommend Chicago. It's probably the last "big" American city that can pass as affordable.

Blogger AMS said...

sounds like time you got a car full of drugs and tear up the town rotten hunter s thompson stylee

Blogger Cherry! said...

For your sanity I hope you can get out of there sooner rather than later. It's not nice feeling trapped. I hope you feel better soon, Todd. Take it easy.

Blogger Nick said...
Blogger JJ said...

What precipitated this fit of impotent rage? Surely you have something you could torch for the insurance money. River City is almost close enough to walk to and everyone's nice and smart and good looking here. You'd love it.

Blogger afromabq said...

it's a nice place to meet "Steeler" players. :)

Blogger solethoughts said...

It's a good thing you're tall or else you'd be sinking at a faster rate. I'm just trying to put a positive spin on things.

So start exploring your options. Start saving. How about transferring within your company?

Blogger Karen said...

Todd, do you have a roommate? If not, could you get one to save more money? Just an idea.

Blogger AWE said...

Have you ever met anyone that is from Vegas? Everyone that I talked to out there is from somewhere else.

Prostitution is legal so did you ever think about a second job?

Blogger Molly said...

I'm dying to get the fuck out of Texas.

We could trade...do you know anything about working in a library?

Blogger tlsd said...

Bad day honey?
Tomorrow will be better.
Hugs x

But you're there so it has it's attractions...

Blogger MadMeer said...

Think of it this way: You could be in Texas (I swear I typed that before reading Molly's post above). I felt the same way for the first 10 years I lived in TX. Now I've just done gone retarded.

Linked -
You had me at: "And the few who can actually breath with their mouths closed..."

Blogger Mung said...

I find that if I totally cut myself off from society then I can manage to ignore the idiots of the word a lot better. Of course, then I branded as an antisocial shut-in, but then no plan is perfect is it?

Blogger Karen said...

Hey Todd, anytime you want to grab some dinner and drinks, just let me know, k? Seriously. I'll drive to Henderson. Sheesh, it's only 20 minutes away.

Blogger Ilovebawlz said...

Wow...you could write a book about Vegas.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Claudia,
I'd like to visit Toronto, but it's probably too cold to live there.

trix,
thanks, but I don't think I could afford the rent. And you are so nice. I appreciate that.

monkey,
I will be in Orange, California for job training May 8-11. How far is that from where you live?

ams,
Hunter is from my hometown. In fact, I went to the same high school. Too bad I only drink my drugs.

cherry,
I'm okay. Needed a minute to calm down.

nick,
that's the hottest poster ever and immediately cheered me up. Thanks, dude.

jj,
I own nothing. I rent everything and sit on borrowed furniture.
I'll probably move back to Louisville. The thought of starting over again makes me ill.

afromabq,
it's the best place to visit in the entire country, no doubt.

sole,
my company only does business in California, Utah, Nevada and Arizona. I must leave this side of the country.

vixen,
I have a roommate and still can't save money. Sad, huh?

Blogger yournamehere said...

awe,
sadly, prostitution is only legal in state-sanctioned brothels in countys with less than 100,000 residents. Also, I can't give away sex, let alone charge for it (yes, I know you were kidding).

molly,
working in a library? There's a lot of "ssssh"ing right?

tlsd,
I am quite the attraction, it's true.

madmeer,
and JJ wants me to move to Texas. I'm so confused. Thanks for the link.

mung,
I was kind of a shut-in back in the day, then one day I wanted to be social but by then I was old and fat. Ooops.

vixen,
I'll email you.

bawlz,
I could, but it wouldn't be a very good book.

That's down in OC, not too far away...we should hang out.

Blogger Kath said...

You could always sign up to teach English in Japan. Several friends of friends have done that. Your housing is paid for, your RT trip to Japan is paid for, you get a salary and a chance to see a new country AND make a positive difference in someone's life.

It's a thought!!

Blogger MadMeer said...

Don't do it! Don't do it I say! TX will eat you up like a fat girl at a fish fry.

Try Colorado. They have 4 seasons and their grass isn't made of concrete.

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