A culture of artifice

Yesterday afternoon I was so anxious to escape from work that I took a little break and wandered around Wal-Mart for a few minutes, taking in the sights and sounds; visible and audible evidence of the decline of any sort of society a person with even a cunt-hair's worth of imagination can bear. I usually try to avoid the whole Wal-Mart metaphor thing, but when it beats you about the head until you lose consciousness, takes a picture of itself teabagging you, and posts it on the internet...that's hard to ignore.

I was rummaging through a bin of discount DVDs when I heard something coming from the television monitor hanging from the ceiling a few feet away from me. A man, in a Southern-enough-to-sound-folksy-but-no-so-Southern-as-to-seem-inbred voice, was reading a list of Wal-Mart employees across the country who've "moved on"; and gee, the company sure is going to miss them and wishes them all the best.

Okay, what difference does it make in the life of Nurleen Toadstool of Cockfight, Alabama that I, a disinterested party in Las Vegas, know that she finally got tired of being scheduled thirty-one hours a week so Wal-Mart didn't have to offer health insurance so she went out and found a job at the rendering plant just outside the county line? If I may answer my own rhetorical question, it does not a fucking thing for Nurleen's life. It's all about how Wal-Mart wants to be perceived.

Wal-Mart spent time, effort and money producing this video (the down-home, neighborly Ned Flanders narrorator didn't come cheap, I'll bet) so the public would think it cares about its employees.

Oh, the guy kept going on. He announced promotions, birthdays, anniversaries, births, employee picnics and award ceremonies; all so Cletus the Slack-jawed Shopper will hear it and think, if only on a subconscious level, "Wal-Mart is a great place to work."

Obviously, if Wal-Mart really cared about its workers they'd be paid better and offered insurance, but why tell you something you already know? Instead, I offer the Wal-Mart message I'd like to hear:

"Well, the following associates across this great land of ours finally succumbed to the bitter mix of desperation and humiliation only experienced by working retail and took their own lives:
Danny Wilson of Ratturd, Texas, was found hanged to death in the family barn. Best of wishes to Danny's family. Hang in there, folks.

"Paula Moss of Pfffffft, Kentucky, blew her brains out in front of her five children and common-law husband. Looks like the oldest daughter is going to have to drop out of school and take her mom's job at Wal-Mart. Oh, the circle of life..."

Have a great weekend, blog readers. I care about the quality of your free time. No, I really do.